I am FAT.
And I am afraid that if I were to LOSE WEIGHT, I still wouldn’t be BEAUTIFUL.
I sneak to the meat department to have sex with a MARRIED meat man at the store where I work.
He’s 41. I’m 19.
I can’t tell my friend I slept with her boyfriend…
And it’s not because I care about her. It’s because I care about the other friends I lied to in order to hide my shame.
I’m afraid the reason why he doesn’t like me is because..
we’re not the same ethnicities.
I never told anyone how hard it was for me when my grandma died right in front of me.
I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to seem selfish.
She died one month before my birthday.
And nobody knew that I took her death the hardest.
I wish someone would realize that I’m not as strong as I seem.
It’s all just a front to cover up my shattered life.
I’m anorexic..but I like food too much to stop eating.
I don’t understand why I can’t stop.
I know I’m anorexic because I’m 15, 5’5, and weigh 93 pounds.
Every time I look in the mirror, there’s fat I see that I want so badly to get rid of. I’ve cried over that so many times. I’ve cut over it.
I wouldn’t be so heart broken if I could stop eating. but I can’t.
I hate this.