72 thoughts on “For years, I’ve wanted to find someone to connect with like I do with you…”

  1. I am that person that you connect with, but aren’t attracted to.

    Though it hurts like a bitch, I forgive you. Because I wouldn’t want you to fake it just to make me happy.

  2. I had someone like that once… Lifetime ago, it seems… And I tried, convinced myself to ‘give it a chance’. And now we don’t even keep in touch.
    I guess maybe one day you’ll see something in them you don’t see now. Maybe you never will. But don’t force it. That will destroy what you both have for sure.

  3. You live and you grow. You can’t help how you feel just as you can’t help what you think. You are having a hard enough time sorting things out…please don’t hate yourself. It isn’t your fault!! You have done nothing hateful!

  4. Meandering, if you really are the person in the secret, good for you! You are a really good person! Perhaps you could bring yourself to talk to this person directly. I hope so.

  5. I once dated someone I wasn’t attracted to and we had a great connection, and I’m sorry to say I learned that connection is nothing without attraction (for me). I found myself becoming bitter and unhappy, get out now.

  6. My ex-boyfriend was that person for me. I could connect with him very well, but even after trying every day, I jus’t wasn’t attracted to him. I would convince myself to give it another day, and things may change. They never did, and we barely talk after I left him.

  7. If you truly do love that someone, they will be the most beautiful person in the world to you, regardless of their physical appearance. The problem with dating is that guys in particular believe they have to be physically attracted to the person FIRST, for it to go ANYWHERE. I talked to a guy who understands that attraction to a gal’s personality can be enough, even if he hates the way she looks. What a Superman! But I chose not to get involved because I wasn’t confident that he would like ME enough to make it a permanent relationship, and I didn’t want to get into something, only to get hurt in the long run. A couple of years ago, a man found my online profile and was instantly VERY attracted to me BECAUSE I WAS HONEST AND REAL, UP FRONT. He loved me for who I was, and he loved my body, too. I WAS LUCKY, but it has a lot more to do with not settling for less than what you deserve in a man.
    Bottom line: On you’re wedding day, the person you’re making your vows to (across the aisle, alter, etc.) will be the most beautiful person in the world to you, even if they’re missing all their teeth, a couple of limbs, half their brain, and if they have devastating burn-scars all over their body, as long as you LOVE them more than anyone else in the world.

  8. That would have been my secret…I was with a guy for three years recently and had the best connection ive ever had with someone, so much in common and he was the sweetest/generous guy BUT I wasn’t sexually attracted to him at all and it was really hard for the both of us so I ended it and he sort of agreed…And now I’m with a guy I’ve had feelings for for years that I used to date but feel so distant from him and not happy i feel like it’s karma a bit

  9. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I’m there right now and it kills me every day.

  10. Some of you guys are such superficial people. Look: If the person with whom you connect so well is your same gender, it MAY be best if you part ways. I have had friendships with other women in which I was made uncomfortable because they were trying to be too close to me. I ended those friendships because I was sick of being leeched off of, I am not a lesbian and she could never turn me, and I was sick of being smothered by someone who expected my entire world to revolve around her and her needs.
    But if you are making it about a his or her build or figure, their facial symmetry, their hair or lack thereof, their height, their shoe size — things of that nature…you are just too immature for a relationship. I have met sooo many guys who are like that. Don’t be so nit-picky. You are not such a perfect physical specimen yourself. Someone’s personality, intellect, disposition, etc., are so much more vital to who they are than their body. If someone who has EVERYTHING you could ever want in a boyfriend or girlfriend, or spouse, and they get into a horrible accident tomorrow, having their face disfigured or becoming a cripple or whatnot, would you dump them because they no longer looked as pretty as what you want them to be?
    (Just to be clear, men can be pretty, too.)

  11. Lol im sorry but these people are not superficial or shallow because they arnt sexually attracted to someone, thats absolutley ridiculous. If your not your not and you cant have a relationship without physical attraction, nor can you make yourself be attracted to them. It would be far more superficial and whats more selfish to engage in a relationship because YOU want the emotinal connection you get from it. If you connect with someone and your just friends thats excellent and better on you for not leading them on in a false relationship that could end in disaster for both parties. Also you can not compare someone who you are with and love getting in an accident with someone you dont fancy, come on now.

  12. Belle, what are you — a college sophomore? Or, are you actually a GUY who thinks that those actresses on the chatline commercials on TV are TRUE examples of women you are likely to meet on such chatlines? Those are the two most-likely types of people you would be, to be so naive. When you truly are in love with someone, they are the most beautiful person in your eyes; no one will ever look better to you. It is truly an immature, inexperienced person who believes that one can never be attracted to someone who does not fit their physical preference.

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  17. This card broke my heart.

    I was in a two-year relationship with a very kind, loving and caring man who I connected with incredibly. I hate talking on the phone, but with him I could talk for hours about nothing. I’m incredibly self-conscious, but with him I could strut naked and I felt truly beautiful. We connected AND he was a gorgeous man; I was sexually attracted to him, but I couldn’t love him. I didn’t get fluttery around him.

    I loved him, but I wasn’t IN love with him, and after two years I decided that it was more fair to him to let him find someone who would appreciate him fully. It was heart-breaking, even for me, but I know it was the right thing to do. We still talk, and I think I would call him my best friend if not for the anguish I know he hides from still wanting to be with me. If I could make myself fall in love with him, I would!

    Being attracted to someone isn’t just a physical thing of how “pretty” a man is; there is an undefinable quality that makes your body react to his, and if that’s not there, I think your love is more cerebral than heartfelt. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but if you have felt it with someone, it is hard to give that up to make a relationship work, no matter how well you might connect.

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  22. i knew someone who i also connected with on every level but was not attracted to him.. i made sure that it remained a friendship because it was not fair to the other person.. and now i found someone that i connected with and am attracted to.. unfortunately my friendship with the person who i was not attracted to is not like before that connection is lost now all because i could not bring myself to tell him that truth about why we couldn’t be together..

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