I think about killing myself everyday…

I think about killing myself everyday...

I think about killing myself everyday…

…but I cant because who would raise MY KIDS.

13 Comments on “I think about killing myself everyday…

  1.  by  Just someone who cares

    Please, don’t do that! Your kids need you! They love you…And not only them, but everyone else around you! You are much more important then you think, you are here to make a difference in this world! And to be a role model for your kids, show them strength, show them love, show them life, and teach them how to live. Raise them so they can also make a difference here as well! Believe! One day, everything will be alright!

  2.  by  bc

    I used to think that way all the time. The answer for me was and is today my faith in God and family. Back then I was in perfect health. Today I am disabled and live in chronic pain. I have a loving family and I read my bible daily.

    It will get better only if you seek help.

  3.  by  AninOnin

    I hope you look at this. I hope you see this comment, this secret of my own.

    For me, this is my mom. I know she thinks about this a lot too, and it kills me. I love her, we all love her. And we don’t see enough of her. Your kids love you, more than you might ever know. I’m about to leave for college, and I regret not telling my mother how much I love her and, not only that, how much I appreciate her. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her. If you killed yourself, the problem isn’t who would raise your kids. It’s, what would your kids ever do without a mother they love?

    And Mom… if this is you, I love you. So much. And although we may have our disagreements, it’s because you taught me how to stand firm for what I believe, not just because I like to disagree with you. I love you. We love you. And I hate knowing that you’re so unhappy.

  4.  by  Tom McG

    I very much feel your pain. I have felt this way. At least you are asking “who will raise my kids?” But there is actually more to it. When things are at their blackest, and you may feel that everyone would be better off if you were gone, “leaving” just isn’t an option. Aside from the raising, your kids need you in ways you can’t imagine. AninOnin is so right, that they love you, but it really goes further than that. If you “leave” you not only leave horrible life long scars on your kids, but you open a door, a lid to a Pandora’s box. Children and GRANDCHILDREN of suidcides “leave” the same way far, FAR more than others. I find it unfathomable but even if your kids are little, the scars they will bear affects their kids!!! How can something that seems so right hurt unborn souls??? Yet apparently it does. I believe the other responders that things can and will improve…but that aside, if you love your kids, which is apparent you do, then you just simply cannot hurt them that way. I am so sorry that sounds harsh…it is harsh actually…but it is what I have to tell MYSELF every day…so now I am passing that on to you. Good luck!!

  5.  by  Rosemarie

    Hi,

    I am from the philippines were suicide increased in a matter of months. i am a mother myself and knowing leaving them behind..will make me crazy.please do not do it. ask for help. know your value and worth.most of all VALUE YOUR CHILDREN!

  6.  by  liz

    Please seek help for your depression, take prescribed drug to get you out of your slump. You are a miracle and star to your children, don’t ever leave them.

  7.  by  youknowitstrue:)

    i agree with everything that these people are saying here. and dont get me wrong the people around you and especially your children should be some of the most important things in your life. but that doesnt mean you shouldnt think about yourself. i used to think this way as well. and for what? because i thought i didnt matter to anyone. i couldnt do anything right. i found no joy in anything. skimming through life unnoticed, feeling like absolute shit about myself. but i soon learned that not everyone and everything life is working against you. life is a rollercoaster ride. you cant jump off simply because the drop is a little too scary. once you get to the end, youll realize that it had just as many ups as downs. and youll realize that staying on it was worth it. i mean come on, you know this feeling is true. if you fight through it, in the end..youll be glad you did. not only for your children, but for yourself.

  8.  by  Verity

    I feel the same. I’m so ashamed. I’ll never do it because of the same reason as you, but it hurts to keep thinking about it.
    Worse, I feel like I can’t tell anyone because if it ever gets back to my ex (like if my psychiatrist tells anyone) he’ll have a case against me in court and be able to take them from me. But he’s a bogan and would raise them to think it’s okay to do drugs, not look after your personal hygiene or your house and live in a dangerous area. It kills me already that they get all that on weekends. Maybe that’s why I feel dead already.
    I only feel happy when I am in love. Everyone says I should just love myself first but I can’t make it work.

  9.  by  SB

    I think about it all the time, i wish for a terminal illness or a car accident because i don’t have courage to do it

  10.  by  Shelley

    I hate that feeling.I am always afraid that the day might come when I won’t be able to survive my mental illnesses ( PTSD, sometimes with hallucinations and depression with constant intrusive thoughts of suicide, random emotional waves/physical sensations (that people get if a family member just got hit by a bus or something (yeah, that intense and ridiculous)that come out of nowhere and creep up on me even on days when I feel that I am happy or content, I have to just somehow let it pass or ride it out until it stops so that i can continue living ).Anyway,I am at that point now where I want to live, even when it’s really bad, but I am still scared that one day I might lose my self control and it happens( though I haven’t done anything to hurt myself in over 14 years now) and my son and husband will think that it’s their fault, or that my son will be older, be unaware that it was that bad, because i either hid it well or kicked it along for so long, and be blindsided and devastated by it. I work hard daily to keep busy and what not and to keep in touch with good people in my life, but it’s hard on really bad days and I get mad at myself for , well, being “sick” because if i care about people, then I shouldn’t have to try right?
    Depression truly is cancer of the spirit, and many people out there mistake the life threatening elements of it as a “choice” when it’s not. I remember days when the fight was hard and long but I do it for my son and I am thankful for every day i live to see him happy. It turned out that the year that I got pregnant was during a time when I was just about sick of trying. In a weird way, I like to think that instead of just staying alive for him, I like to think that he has sort of saved me. Sometimes there are other unrealized plans in life (whatever they may be) that are worth more than the fear and the pain and the guilt of feeling what you are feeling. It is hard to see through it all when you are in it and it took me years to be able to understand it enough to explain it to people I cared about. I am sorry that you are going through that. It’s a very difficult thing to live through and still put on a face to ensure that they ( your kids) know that they are loved, are safe and turn out to be good and happy people. Keep up the fight because you are stronger than you realize and you are probably a great mom and your kids know that and wouldn’t want anyone else for the job.
    You are a hero everyday that you are alive! Take care of you. :)

    p.s.
    Tedious hobbies can be awesome and work wonders as does a good movie or book when you need a good laugh or cry. Be strong!

  11.  by  MAW

    My father committed suicide August 22, 2010. The police found him August 25th. I turned 17 August 26 and it was the beginning of my senior year in high school. It happened 6 months after I attempted suicide and 3 months after he promised me he’d never do it. I hadn’t talked to him for 56 days because I was being stubborn and stupid. On the 57th day I got the last text, his last words besides the words in the short letter they found at the hotel. My letter is a scanned copy of the original and it’s not the same. My grandparents buried his ashes, I wanted to spread them but was too afraid to tell them. His suicide has ripped our family apart and I will never be the same.

  12.  by  Secretconfessor

    Yes, I feel your pain. I was exactly the same way hon…and I’m not the mom; I’m the dad…and now that I’m a single parent, it’s almost an empty nest. The only thing that kept me alive was that I loved them so much, worried about them and wondered what would those kids think about God if I killed myself? So I definitely feel you. But let me say, it gets better. Not always, and there are dark times still, but it gets better overall. What I do now is I made a frigging crazy plan that I’m going to do when my nest is empty (soon). No work, no bills, nothing. Just leave..basically empty handed and go…wherever I feel led…I don’t care to where; Boston or Botswana, Maryland or Mumbai…wherever I end up…just to reconnect. In the meantime, keep faith and practice some form of spirituality…anything that is LOVE focused and includes PRACTICAL exercises (like meditation, yoga whatever). I am no doctor, but I will say this, drugs didn’t do anything for me but make me feel much worse. I can’t prescribe anything for anyone obviously, I can only give account for my own situation. Perhaps they help some, they didn’t me. I had to do it all alone, on my own…and I still am (though I wish I had gone to see a psychologist (jungian)…

  13.  by  T. Rain

    Don’t! “The best is yet to come” someone wrote me. I didn’t believe it at first, now I do. I have lots of positive apps on my phone and inspirational quotes in case I lose it again. They say be with positive people. I don’t see people so the apps help. Tell yourself positive words. Think it and be it, it’s going to be hard. I lied to myself until I started believing it. Don’t give up. You are worthy! I have been wanting to kill myself too for so long. I am now glad I failed. I used to be so mad at God for not letting go. Please don’t do it. Not just for your kids, you’re are important too! Do something you love. What did you want when you were a kid, follow that dream. Live for yourself too and take care of your kids. First take care of yourself. Take them to family members while you relax. The fact that you wrote the secret means you want to live. Please don’t let it go. My reason to live were my ideas, inventions, I still have no idea how to make them but I have clues now. There is a reason why God woke you up today. I believe in you! Live! Thanks for being born. Your kids are lucky to have a strong mom like you. Not every one is strong enough to seek help. People think it’s only them going through that problem. When actually a lot more went through that same hell. I was not happy to know that people were raped so often like me. I wish I can take your pain so you can be happy. Love you! And please don’t give up on yourself. Thanks for that!

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