April 11, 2012
It hurts me more than it hurt you…
…I have to live with it everyday.
Category: New Secrets
i got the same story… youÂ´re right
gosh, this is sooo true,,
I think I disagree with this as someone who has attempted suicide and lived. The amount of hurt you have to live with every day to want to die is huge. I can’t even put it into words it is like living the worst day of your life every day and knowing it will never get better. Hating yourself completely and not even remembering what it feels like to be happy.
What makes you so sure the writer isn’t the surviving family member or friend of a suicide casualty? The survivors are the ones who delude themselves into believing that they are the ones who are left to suffer. They have no idea that the mothers of the suiciders are the ones who victimized their kids to such an extent that they believed they were unimportant, unwanted, unneeded, unloved. It’s those rotten mothers who neglected/ignored/didn’t have the backs of the kids who later committed suicide, who cause the kids to think they may as well be dead for all the happiness, protection, and attention their mothers have given them. Then they think THEY’RE such victims, and all their friends and loved ones hug them and say, “It’s not your fault/It was his choice/He just snapped/Sometimes there are just no signs.” I will tell you, straight-up: It IS your fault. If YOU had been unprotected or ignored by YOUR mother, you would have chosen it, too. You put enough burdens on someone and OF COURSE they’ll snap. And there are signs in EVERY suicidal person; you were too busy ignoring your son or daughter to notice. SHAME ON YOU.
I can’t believe that you would call someone out like that on a secret. People who live with the true belief that they want to kill themselves suffer JUST AS MUCH as the people who get left behind. Many times people are purposefully kept in the dark because the one who is suicidal doesn’t want people to know. And then they are left behind never knowing if they could have helped, or if they tried to help why they weren’t good enough to stay for. The sufferer is in to much pain at the time to realize the people he is actually hurting by killing himself, and that is COMPLETELY understandable, but you have no right to say that either side is in the wrong unless you are in the situation. Don’t call people out on their secrets. It takes a lot to share, and they didn’t do it for your opinion.
This sums up my life completely right now. My Mum tried when I was 15, four years later it’s still taboo but she’s fine because of all the help she received. The lack of support I got from anyone has left me with my own mental health problems that I’ve been fighting for 3 years and only just found the strength to deal with is swamping me along with the constant feeling that it was my fault. I never think she’ll truly understand how much that day broke my heart and the way its been left, things will never be the same.
@ AMR #:
I wasn’t calling-out the sharer of the secret; I was speaking to a fellow-commentator. If you hadn’t been in such an all-fired hurry to come down on me about whatever I have to say, you might have noticed that. And FYI, I have been on both sides of this situation, so aren’t YOU just a jumping-to-conclusions brainiac. I can live without YOUR f’ed-up judgment-calls and delusions about me, so sod-off, ya nit-wit. You don’t know so many things as you think you know.
Breaking heart#, your first post makes me want to cry. But it also makes me feel better. Now i feel like I don’t have to rationalize all of the horrible things my mother has done to me which almost pushed me to this so many times. Thankyou
Dear alwayxxanonymous #,
I’m so very glad I could help. I don’t understand why people still love their mothers, even though they push them over the edge, or nearly over the edge, but I’m one of ’em, too. I wish my parents would get a divorce, so I could have a relationship with my dad, and not have to deal with my mom, but he is just ‘way too smitten with her for him to ever get out. I’m glad I could help you feel better. It’s true that it’s people’s mothers that do this to them. There should be mandatory parenting classes, etc., for all pregnant women, including those who intend to give their babies up for adoption. God be with you. 🙂
BreakingHeart, why do you keep referring to “kids” committing suicide?
The rates are actually highest in 30-40 year old males.
Suicide and depression are just as prevalent (if not more so) in adults as they are in teens, the teens just get more media because it’s such a “tragedy”.
AMR, you are wrong. The people who are left behind suffer, in the short term, yes. But they can adapt that pain, and learn to cope with it. It isn’t so all-encompassing that they can not battle through.
They have something left to live for.
For your life to seem so bleak, to hate yourself so much, to be so desperately unhappy that the only way out you can see is to die… The suffering of the family is nothing, compared to that.
I have attempted suicide, several times, and I can tell you; it hurts. What is worse, though, is that while I’m drowning in my own pain, are all of the people who say things like “But what about how I feel? What about me? I tried to help. What about how such-and-such would feel?”
It’s like they think you don’t know. But what it comes down to, when you are suicidal, is that you know exactly how much pain it will cause them, and all of that sadness in all of those people /still/ cant even balance the scales against how horrible you feel, all of the time.
You can’t understand that, unless you have lived it, or you work in a psych ward.
@ Anonymice #: You can come back and talk to me when your best friend or your fiance commits suicide. Until then, know that by “kids” I am referring to people who do not have children, because they just hadn’t been with someone else who wanted children with them long enough to have them. My late fiance was in his mid-twenties when he killed himself because his bad mother didn’t protect him from his bastard dad, and he didn’t have the opportunity to have fathered any children in this life. Neither had my best friend, or my classmate from high school Spanish class, even though they were all, technically, legally of age when they died.
To sit here and argue over who suffers more from a suicide is to completely miss the point of this secret…
Thx breakingheart I so agree with you. The only thing I’d like to add is that in most cases it takes more than one person to pushe someone to the edge. And in my opinion it definately IS easier for the people who have to deal with it. I have seen them be shocked for one second and then ask what they could’ve done differentzly to help. But in the end all they really wanted was to make THEMSELVES feel better. After a few weeks no one gives a fuck about the attempt. The shock and pain pass and all that’s left is hatred and annoyance!
@ thepretender, Yes, you’re right, there is more than one person at fault in most of the cases. In my late fiance’s case, his father raped him before he was two, and his mother did nothing to protect him. He was taken away from both of his parents while still a toddler, and raised in foster care in the deep south. He applied for and was granted emancipation when he was 16, upon his high school graduation.
But in every case I have ever heard of, the mother not being there for her child was the main problem. If that girl who was cyber-bullied by her neighbor-lady had had a supportive, loving mother, she wouldn’t have offed herself. She would have been able to handle the stress and found — maybe not a solution, but — comfort and strength from her mother, and that comfort, strength and love would have been enough to prevent her from committing suicide, and maybe even from wanting to commit suicide.
It really irks me, too, that people become hateful toward, and annoyed by, people who have committed suicide. What the flying F is wrong with these people? How can they be SO CALLOUSED about a person who was so unhappy, and who felt so absolutely ALONE that he or she thought ending their mortal life, relinquishing any further influence on the world or anyone in it, and letting the bastards win, would be better than any potential happiness they could yet have by surviving for one more day?
You’re very welcome, thepretender; I am grateful to be able to be helpful to a good person like you, if I can. 🙂
@breakingheart it is not always a mother’s fault if their child falls into depression. My parents were wonderful to me growing up. Don’t be so general – it makes you seem ignorant.
To onlooker, I never claimed that it is necessarily the mother’s fault if her child becomes depressive. I was speaking of SUICIDE. There’s a huge difference between the two.
@breakingheart Interesting you say your finace’s dad raped him, but it’s his mom’s fault not his dad’s. Huh?
@ smh, No, his mother did nothing to protect him from his dad. THAT is the point. A mother’s job is to protect her children, to comfort and nurture them, to have their backs. My late fiance’s mother wasn’t up to the task, and that was her CHOICE. If a woman’s going to bring a baby into this world, she’d damn-well better be prepared to have that child’s back, to protect and nurture that child. The needs of the child come WELL BEFORE the needs of the parents.
“The mother’s life ends when her child’s begins.”
Guys, it’s not a suffering competition. One has to be in great pain to kill one self. Losing someone you love hurts horribly. Blaming anyone or discussing about who suffered more is irrelevant. The point is that the person who is left behind is still feeling that pain and able to upload a postcard stating his/her suffering.
Being neglectful toward someone who is in pain is the kind of think that causes suicide. Even if whoever posted this secret was somehow responsible for his/her loved one’s decision, why would you go and do the same thing you stand so strongly again to a stranger?
Ally, it’s pretty clear to me that the poster is contesting their loved one’s pain with their own, supposedly *greater* pain.
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