The more I think about it…..

The more I think about it.....

The more I think about it…..

The more I realize that when he asked me to go the ferris wheel he wanted to rape me from the very start.

and the more I think about it, the more I realize how dumb I was and how it was all my fault.

40 thoughts on “The more I think about it…..”

  1. it wasnt ur fault to begin with ur not stupid.. like me u expect people to be decent.. feeling like people are trustworthy but they’re not. hes the one at fault hes sick not u

  2. Don’t ever ever think it was your fault. Some guys get off on making women feel powerless. The best (legal) way to get back at thebastard is to realise how pathetically weak and scared he is.

  3. There are something in life we won’t understand, there are things we go through as a part of spiritual growth, some of those things are painful. Be within those dark times, you can find light and love, willingly if you accept it. Forgive yourself, you don’t need to tie yourself down with those negative emotions. Remember that whatever you put out, you get back 10fold, including the person who did that to you. Be well friend.

  4. I’ve been there. I was dateraped too.
    The blame sits heavily on me, and has done so for now 20 years.
    I say it was not my fault, but if I just had been a bit smarter, I would not have destroyed my sexlife forever.

  5. Please don’t ever ever ever say it is your fault again. I know how it feels and i honestly mean that. I felt exactly the same. I was not your fault don’t you let your self think that.

  6. One night, a girl let a friends’ friend stay over at her place. Only because she thought he was asleep. And you know what happens next.

    It wasn’t her fault, and its definitely not your fault. Don’t ever blame yourself… please.

  7. It was never your fault don’t let yourself think that because the more you do the more you will be hurt… It’s easy to think all people are nice especially a boy … Like me you never knew it was coming and you can’t blame yourself for being a good person thinking others are good … There was No wrongdoing in your part … The guy was a jackass and there’s No way you couldve predicted or known it

  8. You should have been able to go to that ferris wheel and have been safe. He crossed the line, not you. You aren’t dumb; he’s an asshole.

  9. I understand how you feel. I often feel the same way, i put myself in a vulnerable position. I guess the way I looked at it for the longest time is akin ‘if you leave you’re door unlocked, someone may break in.’ However I realize that none of my actions excuse him of his actions. He was a terrible person and it is completely his fault. I don’t know what else to say but I hope you feel better sweetie, and that you can get past this and be successful and happy in every way possible. Fuck him and everyone like him.

  10. It is NOT your fault! Read the book Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker to get a better understanding of how to keep yourself safe and how to recognize the signs of a person’s bad intent before it is too late. Let go of the guilt, forgive yourself, and talk to a counselor who understands. A good place to start is a women’s shelter or crisis outline. You can be well, healthy and happy. Don’t listen to the nagging voice inside you… It is wrong! All the best,

  11. It wasn’t…and everyone wil tell you that, but I know there’s still always that thought eating the way at the back of your head….”maybe if I hadn’t…” and it almost never goes away. No matter how many times you hear it isn’t your fault.

  12. I felt the same way… I finally spoke to someone about it this weekend about how it felt (it’s been over 6 months). I felt guilty like it was my fault. My friend i spoke to kept telling me ” if you said no, then it was not your fault. You said that you didnt want it but he still took it. Thats HIS fault.” I will probably still have this stuck in the back of my mind that I am guilty. but with the help of my friend and by continuing to tell myself that it’s not my fault, I think in time I’ll be ok. You will too.

  13. Rape is never the victims fault my dear. For those people who suggest that it is, they are dealing with their own struggles. I am personally annoyed that females are expected to dress a certain way so that they are not to “encourage” boys. These men are responsible for their actions and the simple fact that they are not able to control themselves shows their weaknesses. You being able to survive, shows how amazingly strong and beautiful you are! Stay strong my love, you will shine through!

  14. I hear that alot, that if I were only smarter, then this wouldn’t have happened. This is a way of coping by negating the positive aspects of self. It’s a way of helping you to support your belief in people, that other people are as nice as you, so the only one here that’s flawed MUST be you. That is a completely mistaken belief.

    You are really nice, and you are kind, and you are not one to take advantage of others, and it’s to your credit that you don’t think of others that way either. Because if you did then a piece of your kindness goes away too.

    No, just understand that the person who did that to you is flawed, you were just merely in their view, and being in the view was primarily because of your kindness and niceness. What they were doing was to try to take some of that from you to fill the void of that which they do NOT have. And have no other method to get it than by taking it. They simply do not know how to be nice. Which NEVER EVER can excuse their behavior. Never.

  15. I am an old man. Rape is NEVER your fault. As an old man I say, rapists should be killed in the most degrading way possible.

  16. Rape is never the victims fault. You would never place that burden on someone else who went throught the same terrifying event. Please dont put it on yourself.

  17. How could wanting to do something enjoyable with someone you trusted possibly be your fault? Rapists want you to feel that way because their goal is power and control. You are not dumb-you are brilliant. You took the initiative to reach out and speak up about what you are feeling and you are not alone! This person took advantage of you and I am so sorry that happened to you. I know how it feels, it has happened to me too and it is horrible until you use the experience to stir something inside you and make it passion to not let this horrific experience tear apart your soul. I pray that you find healing and peace.

  18. Same situation as you, its never your fault, took me a while to realise that too. You have people around you which will help you, Your never alone

  19. It is NOT your fault. I was raped 7 months ago, I completely understand what your going through. Do NOT play the what if game, it will eat you alive. It’s hard, I still struggle somedays. You WILL get through this just focus everything you have on making that excuse of a human pay.

  20. it’s not your fault, i was raped by a guy and i felt like it was my fault too, i knew what he was going to do, but after he did it, i continued to let him do it, i let him hurt me over and over, finnally i reported him , i havent moved on yet, but im trying, every day i just go to class and try to be normal

  21. I know from matter how many times people say it’s not your fault, you’re still not gonna believe them. But it’s not, it’s not your fault. You’re not alone.

  22. It was HIS fault. Not yours. So please please think about this again from a different perspective: if this happened to your sister, your mother, your brother, your father, your best friend–would you say that it was their fault? No one would blame them, no one blames you, so please don’t blame yourself. <3

  23. Hi

    I just want you to know that its not your fault at all. I was also raped by a man that I trusted. He was the older brother figure. Little did I know his intentions were different from mine. At first I thought it was all my fault, but it wasn’t. It was not your fault either.
    Always know that there is a community full of support around you 🙂

  24. It is never anyone’s fault except the rapist. I went through this with an ex for a year and a half. I went and got help and I realized it wasn’t my fault. I’m strong enough to survive and I know you are too. Talking to a professional will help. I promise.

  25. it is not and never was “your fault”. NEVER blame yourself for the actions of someone else. YOU ARE LOVED.

  26. No, no, no, no, no!!! Rape is NEVER EVER EVER the victims fault. And it’s also far more common than it should be – but it means other people understand. Tell lots of people about this, because everyone needs to know what kind of a scumbag he is.

  27. I’ve been in a similar situation. You are not alone in that feeling. When it happened to me I felt angry that I “let” it happen. But it isn’t your fault, people like that manipulate others so they can feel powerful.
    Remember that this wasn’t your fault, it’s his fault for doing that to you.

  28. It was never your fault and it never will be. I hope you eventually learn to put the blame where it belongs.
    Trust should be sacresanct. Know people believe in you! There on your side, no one blames you or think less of you.

  29. Monsters walk among us, and you had the tragic experience of finding one of them. Hindsight is always 20/20. Why would you EVER assume that someone you thought you knew would do something like that to you? NOT your fault. Posting this just might prevent a date rape. You are a survivor. Wear it as a badge of honor and be proud. NEVER bow your head in shame because evil couldn’t destroy you.

  30. As everyone else has already told you, it wasn’t your fault nor are you stupid to ANY degree. Please try to find someone to talk to…there are people in crisis centers that will help you. I had tears in my eyes long before I got to the last comment; so many of you have had trauma…it makes me ashamed to be a male. PLEASE work on this with help because you don’t want to let that horrible bastard to continue to hurt you. I married a woman who had been raped and had suppressed it for a long time. She was always afraid and once the memories came back, she couldn’t accept my love nor show her love to me. She couldn’t even hold my hand because deep inside she feared it might be seen as an opening for a sexual advance. I loved her so much and things never got better. So that rapist hurt me as well. He ruined both our lives. You are strong, you are beautiful and you are the driven snow. Fight this and open your life to real love that will be coming.

  31. I completely understand, I’ve felt the same way for 2 years now. I put myself in that situation and could have fought harder to get out but I didn’t. I knew him, I trusted him. He had the nerve to try and befriend me again so I was forced to talk to him again, to tell him to stay away from me completely. It makes me angry every time I think about it but I’ve accepted it. I just can’t help to blame myself also.

  32. A very wise woman once told me that we often blame ourselves for things that happened to us that were beyond our control as a way to try to exert some control over our lives. If I had this or that. It is SO easy to do that!! Your mind, perhaps trying to protect you, gives the situation a surreal quality. You can’t believe it is actually happening. You are struggling to survive (because if you have been SO very wrong about this person, what will happen if I fight even harder? Will I live?) It is so very hard to accept but you ARE NOT TO BLAME!!! I heard of a man having “the talk” with his son where he tells the son “The woman ALWAYS decides.” A simple “no” should have been enough and through your actions, attitudes, demeanor and your words you said “no!” Any one avenue of communication is sufficient to express a “no,” and I am willing to wager each and every one of you said “no” in SOME way!! Please take heart. Please don’t let assholes ruin your lives. Please allow real love to find you and to gather you into its embrace. You all deserve such love…you do…no matter what happened. You were hurt, that is true. But a child gets hurt running too fast, losing control, falling and skinning limbs. They are bleeding. Was the accident their fault? NO!! Could it SEEM as if it was their fault? Perhaps. But no matter what, they didn’t want the hurt to happen and they deserve to be allowed to heal. So do you.

  33. The only thing you’re at “fault” here is going on an innocent ferris wheel ride. Please read, “What Smart Women Know.” It once helped me get out of an abusive relationship. From that, I turned it around for good, became a counselor, and lent it out to many women from the ages 17-68. And they all loved it! It’s a very easy read, and hard to put down.

  34. I don’t think it’s your fault. You were on a real date and most men don’t do that. I on the other hand deserved to be raped. I was on drugs and went to the dirty house to buy more. I just wanted to get the drugs and leave like normally but the one guy did that to me. If I hadn’t been a low life I would have not had it happened. I probably made him think I was a crack whore or something because I was on drugs, but I had never done that, never had sex for drugs or sex with anyone who was there, I always bought my stuff. But It was my fault and my now husband lets me know it was every day he can. I trusted he wouldn’t judge me when I confided in him and he did judge me. We weren’t even married when it happened. I said no he said it was because my ex did something to him. I had a gun to my back. I don’t think I deserved it but my husband says I did. He says I shouldn’t have went or been on drugs.

  35. @Heather
    Sweetie, I am so sorry to say this but your husband sounds like a complete boor!!! He needs counseling and perhaps, if you really love him, couples counseling might help a lot. Please try not to listen to his obscene point of view. By trying to keep you down and controlling you with such hateful words, he is raping you as well!! Unless your heart is totally given to this guy, GET OUT!!! You are worth so much more. Good luck!!

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