Since I was little I always felt alone.

Since I was little I always felt alone.

Since I was little I always felt alone.

I always thought dad loved his job more than me (now I know he was busy cheating on mom to come home early).

29 Comments on “Since I was little I always felt alone.

  1.  by  Loveless

    I never tell anyone I love them because I don’t really love or care about anyone, including myself. I just pretend to care for my family so that they don’t kick me out. I fear I’ll be completely alone the rest of my life because of it.

  2.  by  HikariSakura

    I grew up not getting any hugs, kisses, or any kind of affection. Even if I know that my parents and family love me, I didn’t receive any physical validation of that love. That’s why when somebody gives me a hug, or tells me that they care for me, I often find myself surprised. I feel that I don’t deserve it, even if like you I long for someone to just hold me to keep me from falling apart.

  3.  by  Anonymous

    I love you for getting the courage to say this.

  4.  by  Crystal

    I push those i love the most the farthest away because I am afraid that they will hurt me as well.. my childhood sounds a lot like yours.. You are not alone, and you never have bee keep that in mind <3

  5.  by  anon

    In psychological studies, every human is born with some void of lonliness or emptiness. some more than others. I keep telling myself this but it dosnt help

  6.  by  Justme

    Crystal, I do exactly the same. I do things to make others not like me, I don’t think I’m worthy. My father left when I was 7 (with the lady from across the street & raised her 3 daughters), my mother would never let me hug her (whenever I tried, I would feel her just freeze up & all but push me away – which sometimes she did). Neither of my parents told me they loved me until I was a much older adult. It was only my ex-husband who realized that I would push away those I loved or who would show me love. He knew that I would do things to ruin the relationship & hurt those before they had a chance to hurt me. I know that I still do this & have done it to my son. I hate myself for being like this, but don’t know how to be any different 🙁

  7.  by  not alone

    You are not alone. I cried when i read this knowing how you feel and how you want for people to realise that you can’t be strong and distant all the time. I know how bad you want to let your walls down and let someone in. Dont be afraid.

  8.  by  esky

    I’ve always felt like I was the cold one, too, nowadays my parents always tell me to “come down to the living room to join the family” and ask “why I always lock the door” but this plain ignorance is part of the reason I don’t. I can’t explain it, I just feel repelled by my family, the way they’ve treated me over the years is part of the reason I feel out of energy and anxious and depressed. If they just would’ve asked me what was wrong from the start instead of screaming “ARE YOU NORMAL?!” all the time I would feel differently. I don’t know, they’re just old fashioned and just plain ignorant…why /wouldn’t/ I lock my door and just spend a whole evening on my laptop…

  9.  by  Georgia

    I know exactly how you feel. When i was little i loved my dad more than anything, i could tell him i loved him, gave him kisses, and joined at the hip. My parents got divorced when i was 5. Up until i was 13 i went to his house every other weekend. One weekend he told us that he had gotten married and we hadnt even met the lady yet. Things went down hill from there once she moved in with him. He and i got into an argument, i called him two weeks later and he told me he had a new wife and a new life now. I was crushed. No more phone calls, no birthday cards/presents, not even talking or seeing him anymore. It has been 10 years since that phone call. I can not tell anyone that i love them, when they tell me i avoid it. When people give me hugs or try to, i cringe and/or cry when they do. I miss him terribly but i hate him much more. I hate him for doing this! He doesn talk to anyone in his family-parents,siblings,aunts,uncles,cousins,(kids)..no one. People say i will be fine in life..but i am screwed. He killed my dreams.My life. I moved out of state and it breaks my heart just knowing that him of all people that i loved traveling with doesnt even know where i am. I dont know what to do with myself. I cant even be close with my mom. 🙁

  10.  by  Courtney

    I know exactly how you feel because this was me six months ago. I’m eighteen now, but I’ve been this way since I was twelve or thirteen and years of this is hard to get over and let go of. Luckily for me, I found a ray of sunshine who took the time to break me down, who took the time to hug and care about me. And I’m not sorry. She gave me my first hug, but I gave her the very first of my hugs to other people. I was tired of hugging myself because no one else would.
    If you can ever bring yourself to hug someone else, awkwardly, clumsily, however, please take the opportunity. I hug everyone I know, now, just in case they were like me and they just need that one person to start the melting of the ice.
    I feel for you, and I hope you find someone worth the plunge.
    *hug*
    One day, someone will put you back together again.

  11.  by  Keyse

    This secret made me cry, because I feel the same way today, I’m an only child, from divorced parents, and if I look strong, independant and proud, I really feel lonely, I’m twenty, and the thing that would make me happy is a hug from my mother, or her to say “I love you- I’m proud ” and mean it. This is the reason I don’t care for relationship.

  12.  by  Kkz

    My heart physically ached reading this… I don’t know what to say, but I wish you the best of luck for the future

  13.  by  Julio

    Jesus…I’m in love with a girl like this…I hope this poster finds comfort at some point in her life.

  14.  by  Daisy.

    I can relate to you with putting up walls toward other people. I do this everyday, but Jesus is transforming my heart. I used to cry every night for about two months because of the pain i felt within me from distancing myself from others and telling myself that i am not loved or valued and that others don’t love me. I struggle with this lie daily and it’s a slow process, but Jesus is always with me. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”Isaiah 41:10. God wants to be with us he does not want us to fear or even feel alone, he wants to help us because he loves us. You will be in prayers.

  15.  by  talia

    <3 you are loved, I am waiting for people to hug me, its a way of life, when we are deemed too 'cold' to be loved. hugs are epic, and everyone needs them. seriously.

  16.  by  Anon

    My parents… Well my parents are a complicated subject. My mom choses my step dad over me whenever she can and tells me she loves me but her actions show otherwise. I have had depression now for 2 years and nothing has changed it’s only gotten worse. + my dad is a drug addict who cheats on his wife. Now I have alot of trouble trusting people.

  17.  by  Sophia

    I felt like this almost everyday for many years. When something finally started to change and I stopped pushing people away so much I moved for a year to a different country. And I happend to be alone, ocean and miles of land away from my home. Found myself an amazing guy that I incredibly love in here. I have never felt something like that for anyone and yet I’m pushing him away more than any other person in my life. He has so much power to hurt me with a single word that I would rather push him away than let him know that I love him that much and I wonder how long he can bare me being so cold… it makes me cry… every night…

  18.  by  Angel

    I can relate to this. Now I am an adult and want to be loved and anyone that show me attention, I cling to.

  19.  by  AMM

    I’M HUGGING YOU RIGHT NOW! 🙂 my father cheated on my mom, and i knew before she did, and iiii am away at college, leaving MY little sister at home. I LOVE my little sister and I always skype her to keep in touch. Don’t worry. You are not alone. Everyone feels alone sometimes, but just look around and smile at people until someone smiles back! there IS still good in the world!

  20.  by  Melissa

    Life is hard, anyone saying differently is trying to sell something…
    Please, do something to make YOU like YOU. Volunteer at an animal shelter, take a blanket to a homeless person, go online and find a volunteer opportunity.
    When a person serves another person for no other reason than to make THEM happy, they get far more than they give.
    Try it, what do you have to lose?

  21.  by  Taylor

    Idk what to say honestly ive dealt wtih addiction purposely to make people worry and when they tried to show me love warmth and kindness i would destroy it with the hate i had towards not being able to accept that people actually care..and they do i still have this problem of deconstructing love that people show but i am sober now and just wish i could find a love that i could actually hold because im willing to spend half my life to find love in my life

  22.  by  crystalmethandlsd

    that EXACTLY how i feel…(except for the father part) im only 15 but im scared that ill end up feeling like this forever…

  23.  by  Mom

    Thank you so much for posting this. My 11 year old acts like she does not want to be hugged. We don’t hug her as much as we used to. Tonight before she went to bed, I told her how proud I am of her, kissed her forehead and gave her a big hug! I will remember to do this every night!

  24.  by  Xeros

    I have a dad like yours, and he always makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I have to fight the feeling to push others away everyday.

  25.  by  Ally

    you´re probably cold with others because nobody was warm with you growing up, and people probably act distant towards you, because they think that´s the way you are, and they don´t want to push you out of your comfort zone, not because they don´t love you. You´ll have to break the cycle since you´re the one who´s suffering from it. Start getting warmer with people, get closer. It will be awkward at first, but eventually, you´ll learn how to act loving towards others, and they will see it´s okay to act on the love they have for you. I can assure you you have people who love you closer than you think, they just don´t know how to show it, just like you can´t say that you love them. 🙂

  26.  by  Jessicat

    I am the same way. I fake a lot of my social interactions and regularly manipulate people to get what I want. I’ve trained myself to ignore my emotions. I rarely feel things for other people and when I do, it tends to be overwhelming.

    I wish you the best of luck.

    -Jessica

  27.  by  John

    37 years of my life. The OP can still get his life on the tracks.
    Me? Not so much. Not so easy.
    I hope this helps.

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