Since I was little I always felt alone.
I always thought dad loved his job more than me (now I know he was busy cheating on mom to come home early).
Tell us your secret
Latest secrets to your inbox
abuse
alcoholism
alone
best friend
bisexual
body
boyfriend
break-up
cheating
childhood
death
drugs
family
father
fear
fears
friends
gay
girlfriend
hate myself
internet love
kiss
lesbian
lies
life
lonely
looks
love
marriage
miss you
mother
parents
post secret
pregnant
rape
relationships
religion
school
secrets
sex
sexuality
suicide
tweets
virginity
wish
Updates
Books We Love
I never tell anyone I love them because I don’t really love or care about anyone, including myself. I just pretend to care for my family so that they don’t kick me out. I fear I’ll be completely alone the rest of my life because of it.
I grew up not getting any hugs, kisses, or any kind of affection. Even if I know that my parents and family love me, I didn’t receive any physical validation of that love. That’s why when somebody gives me a hug, or tells me that they care for me, I often find myself surprised. I feel that I don’t deserve it, even if like you I long for someone to just hold me to keep me from falling apart.
I love you for getting the courage to say this.
You are loved.
I push those i love the most the farthest away because I am afraid that they will hurt me as well.. my childhood sounds a lot like yours.. You are not alone, and you never have bee keep that in mind <3
In psychological studies, every human is born with some void of lonliness or emptiness. some more than others. I keep telling myself this but it dosnt help
Crystal, I do exactly the same. I do things to make others not like me, I don’t think I’m worthy. My father left when I was 7 (with the lady from across the street & raised her 3 daughters), my mother would never let me hug her (whenever I tried, I would feel her just freeze up & all but push me away – which sometimes she did). Neither of my parents told me they loved me until I was a much older adult. It was only my ex-husband who realized that I would push away those I loved or who would show me love. He knew that I would do things to ruin the relationship & hurt those before they had a chance to hurt me. I know that I still do this & have done it to my son. I hate myself for being like this, but don’t know how to be any different
You are not alone. I cried when i read this knowing how you feel and how you want for people to realise that you can’t be strong and distant all the time. I know how bad you want to let your walls down and let someone in. Dont be afraid.
I’ve always felt like I was the cold one, too, nowadays my parents always tell me to “come down to the living room to join the family” and ask “why I always lock the door” but this plain ignorance is part of the reason I don’t. I can’t explain it, I just feel repelled by my family, the way they’ve treated me over the years is part of the reason I feel out of energy and anxious and depressed. If they just would’ve asked me what was wrong from the start instead of screaming “ARE YOU NORMAL?!” all the time I would feel differently. I don’t know, they’re just old fashioned and just plain ignorant…why /wouldn’t/ I lock my door and just spend a whole evening on my laptop…
I know exactly how you feel. When i was little i loved my dad more than anything, i could tell him i loved him, gave him kisses, and joined at the hip. My parents got divorced when i was 5. Up until i was 13 i went to his house every other weekend. One weekend he told us that he had gotten married and we hadnt even met the lady yet. Things went down hill from there once she moved in with him. He and i got into an argument, i called him two weeks later and he told me he had a new wife and a new life now. I was crushed. No more phone calls, no birthday cards/presents, not even talking or seeing him anymore. It has been 10 years since that phone call. I can not tell anyone that i love them, when they tell me i avoid it. When people give me hugs or try to, i cringe and/or cry when they do. I miss him terribly but i hate him much more. I hate him for doing this! He doesn talk to anyone in his family-parents,siblings,aunts,uncles,cousins,(kids)..no one. People say i will be fine in life..but i am screwed. He killed my dreams.My life. I moved out of state and it breaks my heart just knowing that him of all people that i loved traveling with doesnt even know where i am. I dont know what to do with myself. I cant even be close with my mom.
I know exactly how you feel because this was me six months ago. I’m eighteen now, but I’ve been this way since I was twelve or thirteen and years of this is hard to get over and let go of. Luckily for me, I found a ray of sunshine who took the time to break me down, who took the time to hug and care about me. And I’m not sorry. She gave me my first hug, but I gave her the very first of my hugs to other people. I was tired of hugging myself because no one else would.
If you can ever bring yourself to hug someone else, awkwardly, clumsily, however, please take the opportunity. I hug everyone I know, now, just in case they were like me and they just need that one person to start the melting of the ice.
I feel for you, and I hope you find someone worth the plunge.
*hug*
One day, someone will put you back together again.
This secret made me cry, because I feel the same way today, I’m an only child, from divorced parents, and if I look strong, independant and proud, I really feel lonely, I’m twenty, and the thing that would make me happy is a hug from my mother, or her to say “I love you- I’m proud ” and mean it. This is the reason I don’t care for relationship.
My heart physically ached reading this… I don’t know what to say, but I wish you the best of luck for the future
Jesus…I’m in love with a girl like this…I hope this poster finds comfort at some point in her life.
I can relate to you with putting up walls toward other people. I do this everyday, but Jesus is transforming my heart. I used to cry every night for about two months because of the pain i felt within me from distancing myself from others and telling myself that i am not loved or valued and that others don’t love me. I struggle with this lie daily and it’s a slow process, but Jesus is always with me. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”Isaiah 41:10. God wants to be with us he does not want us to fear or even feel alone, he wants to help us because he loves us. You will be in prayers.