I cheated on you

I cheated on you

, the boy I want to marry, with someone I dont see a future with…..

Because I’ve never been with a guy who didnt hit me, stalk me, compromise me or continuously put me down…

the constant happiness made me anxious.

Now I realize my issues hurt you just like they hurt me.

74 Comments on “I cheated on you

  1. Pingback: Observations about “Flaming” | Post Secret – Anonymous Online Community

  2.  by  Ra's Hat

    I wish people like that could accept happiness.
    It happened to me in my last relationship.
    She then left me for a guy who *would* abuse her.
    He raped her a month later.

  3.  by  Jaciede

    I’m like you, i punish myself the second i find something that can make me happy, only realizing to late that i am also hurting the one who could make me happy.
    but if he really loves you then once you explain it he will slowly start to forgive you.

  4.  by  crystal

    I didn’t cheat but because of my childhood with my dad and my awful relationships in the past I can’t be happy in a relationship because I can’t let anyone in and I purposely sabotage my relationships subconsciously because if they start getting too close I get scared. And I’m now with the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and it scares me because in my life if anyone or anything makes me happy it either gets taken away, they abandon me, or they die…so, i’m more uncomfortable with bad relationships because they are familiar. I don’t want to be happy…because that always means something really bad is going to happen soon to take it away…

  5.  by  crystal

    it’s called borderline personality disorder.

  6.  by  sirena

    Now, you told us that… never say a word about it to your couple, it never works, it just hurts and screw your relationship. You know it has no meaning, right? well, that’s enough. Don’t let the guilt hurt your relation.

  7.  by  AxeBackflip

    you don’t see yourself as worthy of him, so you cheat on him to justify those feelings

    (I read a lot of self-help books..)

    I think you need to feel worthy of him first
    Because you are, even if you did something stupid like cheating on him

  8.  by  Tiffany

    you have to realise happiness can not be permanent.. we need to have moments of unhappiness and pain, and any other forms of negative emotion to help us establish what being happy actually is and strive for that, or strive for at least something better. its impossible to be happy every moment of your life. but you can learn to push the insignificant things aside and look at the bigger picture.

  9.  by  That Girl

    I could have sworn I recognized the couple in the pic (even with the scribbles) and they went through a similar situation. I realized it was someone else and although this makes me feel like an awful person, I’m thrilled it’s not them because (and this makes me feel like an absolutely horrible selfish jerk) I never want to hear the girl say she wants to marry the guy because I’m in love with him (even though he and I can probably never be together because absolutely everything is working against it).

  10.  by  Zephros129

    I was with a girl who I can say was my everything for awhile. She did to me what this girl did in the picture. I thought she was the one. We talked about getting married. She told me numerous times she knew that we would. I had never thought about such a thing until she came into my life. When she did that to me, it destroyed me. Her father killed himself and she was with someone before for 3 years who beat her and cheated on her endlessly. All that gives no justification for what she did but it can help me try to understand, along with these other comments, how somebody with abandonment issues can do things to sabotage a relationship that is above what they have ever felt. I never did anything to deserve what she did. She said sorry over and over but still never took me back after I forgave. She moved on like everything we shared was nothing….but I know it’s because she couldn’t deal with the guilt and feeling unworthy. My secret: it was the worst experience of my life. Everyday I think about how I wish it went differently…

  11.  by  Alica

    You deserve a beautiful life and relationship. Pain is temporary if you want it to be. You cant do it I promise. I did. I am.

  12.  by  The Boy

    While there are a lot of couples who look like us, and the story is not uncommon, that is me in the picture. She cheated, and lied about it, and I got angry so…she cheated again, and lied about it, and I got more angry.

    I have worked my ass off on my issues – understanding why I love a girl who would put me through hell. I hope she has worked on her issues.

    Near the end of this chapter she accused me of stalking her. I didn’t. But I can see why she would need to see it that way, because then I would be just like the others – and be disposable. I just needed to hear that I was loved more than a stupid object, more than her ex-husband.

    I swear on all that I hold dear – if she would tell me her secrets, open her heart to me, and work on herself, I WOULD SEE THE GIRL *I LOVE*, and not the girl she is afraid I see.

    She is still the girl I want to grow old with more than anything else.

  13.  by  sarah

    As long as you don’t see a future with the cheatee then there’s no problem. I made that clear to my boyfriend (we’ve both cheated once each and told eachother (didn’t lie) and are much stronger for it because we are crazily happy with eachother) but that’s how we compromise and work. Communication and friendship are the key, and hopefully if your otherhalf knows how much you want to be with them then you’ll feel better with eachother.

  14.  by  Ash

    As long as you tell him and don’t let him find out from the one you cheated on him with. i think it is a dick move when people let them find out from someone eles. they don’t even think about telling them..

  15.  by  denise lortia

    i also cheated on my last relationship, (also the man i wanted to marry with someone i didn’t see a future with) he didn’t forgive me, i thought i would never ever forgive myself… now, a year later i am the happiest girl on earth, the guy i cheated with is the best thing could ever happen to me, we are in love and we have lots of plans…
    the moral of the story: NEVER judge a relationship, you NEVER get to know someone enough

  16.  by  thetruthwillsetyoufree

    If you don’t let yourself work through your issues, you will never be happy. You have to find a way to sort through them so that you can love people without hurting them.

  17.  by  Mav

    Zephros129, TheBoy … this is exactly how I feel about a girl I loved. That could have been written by me. And, if I’m completely honest with myself, still love in a lot of ways. I know my own worth, I’m not afraid of being alone, but because I loved her, I would have forgiven her, if only she would have opened her heart and explained what she was going through, let me understand what had happened … I would have forgiven her everything just so I could keep loving her.

  18.  by  The Boy

    I just came across a quote on an onine dating site that blew me out of the water – a young lady who works as a teen therapist wrote it and it sums up everything.

    “It’s humbling and extraordinary to watch problems slough away when a person has no more secrets or lies to tell.”

  19.  by  ..Ellasaura..

    The man I’m Marrying has cheated on me twice in our relationship his reasons were for insecurities as well, i love him all the same still but if the person truly loves you Tell them but tell them why. Lead up to telling them with ur insecurities and then just say it and remember the three most powerful words in the English language are Not ‘i love you’ but are ‘I Am Sorry’
    If you are meant to be together he will understand.

  20.  by  Katie

    I’ve been on the other end of this. It sucks.

  21.  by  Emily

    i went through the exact same thing! im dating someone now that i plan to spend the rest of my life with he is my everything but my prior boyfriend raped me 19 times and constantly abused me. this guy now treats me like i should be treated and im not used to it its over welming i feel your pain. just be open and honest like i was and if he loves you he will understand like my future husband did

  22.  by  Walid

    Late nights at the ofcife and switched off cell phones may get your conscience stirring. But how do you know if your girlfriend is really cheating on you? This guide will help you determine if your girlfriend displays some significant signs of cheating.First it is important to understand the difference between how women and men treat infidelity. Generally, men are known to cheat for sexual pleasure only. While this is a part of why some women cheat, the reasoning is more complex. Women cheat for a variety of reasons, most of them to fill a void that she is not receiving in her current relationship. She may be looking for someone who is a better listener, someone who enjoys the same hobby or someone who doesn’t expect sex every day. The difference in reasoning behind the infidelity means she will show different signs of cheating than a man would.One of the leading signs that your girlfriend is cheating is a noticeable void in her need for your attention. Since she is now having that particular need met elsewhere, she will not pursue you to fill this need any longer. For example, if your girlfriend is an avid art collector she may encourage you to accompany her to an art show. If this is an important part of who she is as a person, it is also important to her that you respect her interests. If you refuse to attend any of these shows with her, she may find someone who will fill this need. This person could be a friend, but if there is an attraction and this other person is willing to fill this void, she may decide to cheat. This is one example, and one that can be applied to a variety of scenarios. The key is, if there’s something that means a lot to her that she constantly asks you to do and then one day stops asking all together, it may not be because she’s given up. There’s a good chance someone else is fulfilling this need.Another sign that your girlfriend is cheating is when she begins telling you less about her and turning the focus completely on you. By nature, women enjoy talking about things. Women like to talk about our days and enjoy sharing many details about their lives with you. If women have something to hide, it makes it difficult for them to share details about their day without lying about what has happened. If she has stopped sharing, begin asking about her day. If she seems reluctant to share, or provides a one sentence answer and changes the subject, it could be a sign of infidelity.Women are generally big on affection. Most enjoy hand holding, kissing and cuddling. However if they are cheating, this is one of the things that will change. Women get very emotional about infidelity. They will ponder over the situation for most of their day, and this can trigger many feelings of guilt. Every time she now has to be intimate with you on any level, it will bring to mind her infidelity and cause her to feel very uncomfortable. If your girlfriend is constantly avoiding your affection, this is a strong sign she’s cheating.Another sign is her paying more attention to her physical appearance. Of course, if your girlfriend already focuses heavily on appearance, this may not be a sign at all. But if your girlfriend usually leaves the house in sweats and little makeup and now is putting on a nice outfit, makeup and fixing her hair for simple things like going to the grocery store, it may be cause for concern. If she suddenly is focusing on a diet and exercise regimen and makes no mention of what sparked her motivation, this could be a signal of infidelity.Separately, these signs may be nothing more than a small change in behavior. But if your intuition says she’s cheating and she displays two or more of these signs, there’s a good chance your hunch could be correct. In addition to becoming aware of these signs, make mental notes of strange cell phone calls (whispering or shutting it off when ringing), excessive time on the computer (possibly e-mailing or chatting with someone) and check up casually when she’s out running errands or having a girl’s night to see if she answers the phone.Of course, the best way to really know if your girlfriend has cheated is to confront her face to face. There is a possibility she will lie or become offended, but if enough evidence has mounted, this should be a risk you are willing to take. Determine beforehand if you want to work out the relationship or if you want to end things so you can set the grounds of honesty. If you decide to work things out, make her promise to end the affair immediately and consider attending couples counseling to build back trust and begin fulfilling each other’s needs rather than looking elsewhere.

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