42 thoughts on “I haven’t had sex yet”

  1. I know how you feel and when he tells me I look beautifull and he loves me for who I am it just makes me even more uneasy. I wish I could show him physically how much I love him but my insecurities won’t let me and i hate it.

  2. I had sex and didnt feel comfortable in my own skin. he hasnt spoken to me since, I wonder if its because shes more beautiful and it makes me more uncomfortable.

    even if i think were all beautiful, in our own ways.

  3. I feel the same way. I just tell everyone I’m waiting till marriage and they don’t bother me about it, but I know the truth.

  4. Feel free to wait as long as you need their is no best time or best place. Most first times are awkward no matter how old you are, but they should always be with someone you trust not to hurt you physically and emotonally, who knows that you are a virgin and can help you find out what you like and are comfortable with. Everyone dislikes some part of their body, what is important is that you like who you are, and if you don’t, then ask yourself why and try to change the problem. Being comfortable in your own skin is a learned behavior that takes time and maturity, don’t let it bring you down.


  6. I feel the same way….
    #6, I certainly hope not lol. I’m in the same boat. damn insecurities….. some day, though. some day. don’t lose hope- everyone is insecure about some aspect of their body….you just need to find someone you’re completely comfortable with, and then find your own confidence and strength 🙂 I think I’ve finally found that person myself, and although it is still a bit scary to think about (terrifying, really lol), I trust him, but more importantly, I trust myself and my own image and judgement. You grow a lot when you find yourself in a comfortable relationship. just don’t rush things…..

  7. I always feel disgusting because I sexually experimented at age seven. It haunts me, and I can’t bring myself to love another person physically. I am afraid I’ll die alone because of it.

  8. My family was very by-the-rules religious, but I first had sex when I was 18. I was in college and he was an older guy. Now I’m married to him. He doesn’t make me feel beautiful, special, or worth anything. I’m afraid it will always be this way…

  9. I’m 18 and I’m seeing an older guy, its getting to the point now where I’m avoiding going to his house because I know that he thinks I’ve had a few ‘intimit relations’ before. I havent, not one. and I dont think I’m ready. I’m scared of what he’ll think, I’m scared of losing my virginity. I’m scared of being embarrassed

  10. I hate the way I look and I hate my body, I try to believe what other people tell me but its hard. The reason Im not with anyone now and haven’t been in 4 years is because Im too scared to let someone get close to me because I dont love myself. Im too embarrassed to let anyone see me naked.

  11. #6 im 22. i also keep wondering if its too late..

    people ask a lot of questions, why. but i just cant answer them truthfully, that its because of insecurities

  12. #17 Pam. How do you tell people? I haven’t told anyone… I’m not religious, so I can’t give people that excuse. I’ve gotten to the age that I feel, it is now embarassing to say anything. Sometimes I think, it will just happen when I lose weight (because that what I think my main problem is. But what if it doesn’t? I don’t want to be the weird 30 yr old virgin…

  13. I’ve been with the man who is now my husband for 6 years… I still can not stand for him to see me naked because I am not comfortable in my own skin. I’ve even lost 40lbs & I still will not have sex with him in the light, it must me dark. It hurts even more that he doesn’t seem to want to have sex with me… it just makes me wonder, is it me?

  14. I’m afraid no one will ever find me attractive because I don’t. Sometimes I feel like the most beautiful girl, and other days I have never felt more like a monster.

  15. I feel just the same #22! To the point that i sometimes can’t even look at a guy I find attractive, for fear that he’ll notice and laugh at me.

  16. I feel the same way. I have sexual urges but will never act on it because I dont feel confident enough to get naked around anybody. =[ But Im working on it.

  17. I’m 20. I’ve never had sex. I’m not fat but I’m not skinny either. I’ve been struggling with insecurities my entire life, but that struggle has humbled me in so many ways and now I’m thankful for all those dark years. When people ask you why just say you haven’t found the right person because that’s what it truely boils down to. But remember you have to put yourself out there, you can’t expect he or she to fall into your arms like in a Meg Ryan movie. Movies aren’t life, they’re well written summaries.
    Don’t give up, and don’t stop trying.

  18. my first was awkward and short. I keep thinking its me, every other time, with every other person, his tool has been successful. We’ve only been successful once. You’ll find someone who’s better than that.

  19. I’m almost 20 and never dated, had a boyfriend, been kissed or lost my virginity because I’m too fat (let’s face it, most guys are shallow).
    I’m extremely desperate for a relationship but not ready to have sex, and I’m worried that once entered one, I’ll be raped or assaulted.
    It’s a neverending battle.

  20. wow… i am exactly the same.
    i used to have an eating disorder but i never felt that i’ve truly recovered. i hate the body i’m in and i feel that because i’m so insecure and uncomfortable with myself as a whole that i can’t let anybody get close enough, let alone have sex with them.
    you’re not alone, and it reassures me to know that i’m not alone.

  21. You have never waited “too long”, people have sex until they are old… so no matter now old you get somebody will be willing once you are ready. It’s better to wait than to just give it away!!! You get respect and desirability by waiting. I’m a guy that was always pressured to do it but I still waited til I was 23 and I feel now like I wish I had waited!

  22. Im 17. im way too fat for anyone to love me. last year was my first “relationship”. He kissed me. it was great. andi wanted to do it for a long time. but that was the last time i saw him. its true. no one can love an obese teen.

  23. I’m 18 years old, and I know that it’s not a big deal yet that I haven’t ever had sex, or even had a real boyfriend, but everyone around me seems to have already done all these things and I can’t do it because I hate the way my body looks. I mean, I will admit, I have a kinda cute face, but I’m overweight and severely underconfident…I don’t think that I can ever get close to people because I have a hard time making personal connections in general, let alone being comfortable enough to actually get naked in front of someone…I’m pretty sure I’m going to die a virgin. =(

  24. Good. Wait for a person who makes you feel beautiful, who makes you comfortable, and who makes you want to show yourself to them.
    Don’t give it up for anything less.

  25. This delemma is very odd to me… I have had sex and been in love. But it takes really getting to know me to get to that point. Im told I am a great guy but I’ve been alone for so long that i think thats just the way things are gonna be until someone takes the time to get to understand what makes me tick. So I guess you girls out there LISTEN UP.. Look for the guy that isnt the class JOCK… the guy that’s funny, is probably doing it to hide his own insecurities. The quiet guy might be the guy that will hand you his heart. And you’ll both get what you are looking for.

  26. #33 Thank you. You made me smile. I want to talk to the quiet guy now…Ive been looking at him for awhile. wondering why he hasnt said anything to me… Maybe I should take the first step?

  27. I was cleaning up my emails and read a comment that had been sent to my email. I wrote my comment 2 years ago. I’m now 24 and still a virgin. I haven’t ever had a relationship and am a girl that easily makes friends with the guys. This year I tried online dating. I met this guy but it didn’t work out after 2 dates (personalities were just way too different). I honestly don’t know why it hasn’t happened for me yet. I thought it could be my self-esteem (even though I don’t let others know) so I’ve joined a gym (and am going!) for firstly losing weight and the added boost of endorphins might help too:) Is anyone else out there scared about bringing the subject up? Because I don’t tell anyone… Not even my closest friends know. I’ve moved for work a lot so when I meet new people it is just something that people assume that has happened so I just don’t say anything. I think I would be really embarrassed to bring it up with a guy let alone my friends. It is a serious vicious cycle in my head… Sorry for having a rant in the comment section…

  28. For me it’s like this. I’ll have sex when I’m ready, and not a day or hour before. I’m with a really great guy right now, and trust me I was surprised that someone would even look twice at me. We get along pretty well about most things in our relationship, but he’s a lot more… how to say it… sexually inclined than me? I grew up in a religious household and was always taught that sex was a special act for married people who were in love. Now I’ve sort of expanded that idea to people who will be in love forever. He was told when he was growing up that people have sex because sex is fun. He watches porn and masturbates, where for me porn sorta freaks me out (please tell me I’m not the only one?). We’ve been together for almost a year now, and although we’ve talked about sex we haven’t done it. Part of what makes him great is even though he can’t completely relate to why the idea of giving up my virginity so young (I’m only 20) isn’t what I want, he respects it, and never ever pressures me. Don’t worry about waiting to have sex, and don’t worry about feeling uncomfortable with it now. Someday it won’t and that will be with the right person at the right time. I feel like I am constantly fighting the barrage of people telling me I need to have sex, I need to have as much sex with as many people as I can! But I know I don’t. I know that no one does. That all you need is one person to make love with who can show you how beautiful you are.<3

  29. For myself it’s all about connection with the girl… I’m not overly concerned about conventional ” beauty” but finding the person that wants to be as sexual as I am. Now that I am older I find the same dissatisfaction with a body getting older as most people do with not feeling pretty. But when the right person comes along, hopefully… It won’t matter to them.

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