June 27, 2010
Category: New Secrets
Tags: daughter, family, father
…believe me, it can be worse to be treated like the successful daughter.
I know exactly how you feel.
I think you are taking your dad wrong, your sister is in a bad position and she needs more care than you and may be this can be a reason for his ignorance towards you , I can say this because I am the weak, watery and worthless version of my brilliant twin and my dad overlook my brother sometimes because of me.
no that is not fair
My job as a father is to care for my children…especially the ones that are sick or in need. Should I stop being a father to her, so I can give you more attention? Would I still be a father?
I feel the same way with the dynamic between my parents, brother and I…
SOOOO true. It’s much much worse being the “successful” one.
Wow. I’m not alone.
maybe its because your a bitch
no, you should NOT stop being a father to one to give the other more attention, hence why he shouldn’t stop being a father to ME because she is a fuck up
I work hard to be successful. My sisters don’t, when it comes to the end of the day, they get praised for any success. I get scolded if I don’t succeed. My parents compare me to everyone else, I never seem to come up to the right standards. There are many things that I need help with, but they’re so busy with everything else that is more important than me. They went to watch my sister to skateboard for two hours, both of them, and neither came to see me collect an award on the same afternoon, I only wanted them to come to a half an hour presentation, it was less than a mile away. My mother spends more time taking care of other people’s children than she does me.
Stop judging!You don’t know this girls entire situation. He should give both daughters equal attention.
I am also the successful daughter. My brother struggles with everything he does. While he gets praised for the smallest things, even my greatest achievements barely merit a smile. He will always come first in their hearts. And it will always hurt me. I feel your pain.
I can relate. My little sister is bi-polar and shows no epathy whatsoever. Screaming and wailing and the most disrespectful, rude, self-centered, insenstive insults provoke my mother to say ” Dont make me take away TV for this afternoon!”. On the other hand, all she ever does critque me. If I make her five minutes late Im grounded for a MONTH. If my sis makes her late we “don’t push it”. The only way to please my mother is to be her. She tells me to look like her, act like her and dress like her. My older brother had high-functioning autism and is very rule oriented. He’s come a ways since he was a child and blends into society. She is ALWAYS comparing me to him. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” My brother says I am a bad person and is constantly judging me, telling me how I should change. When I was a toddler, my sister would throw fits and my bro would throw fits. I never threw fits. I wasn’t allowed. I love my siblings but Im tired of taking last place. My parents say I’m “more mature”, and “don’t need them as much”. Parenting me “takes less effort”. But I’m 13, I still need them. There is a REASON why teenagers can’t live on their own. I’m expected to watch a mentally ill child by myself who is 20 months younger then me. Not easy and very stressful. I realize they need them more than I do but that doesn’t mean they can completely blow me off.
I sit and watch my brother feel that same way, but i ignore it cause im afraid if i tell my parents they’ll ignore me like him. That cant happen.
I’ve never been a parent, but my suggestion is that you care for the both of them. Care for the sick one more, but make sure you still care for the healthy one too. Because while you care for the sick one in need and neglect the healthy one, she develops problems of her own from the lack of attention.
The happiest moment in your life comes when you realize that you don’t need your parents’ love to validate yourself or your existence.
It’s guilt. I know a family just like the one your in (or so it would seem from your secret.) That parents go out of their way in every sense for the screwed up child while they are much less tolerant and outwardly accepting of their other, more-or-less normal kids.
It’s guilt – they feel responsible for the messed up child’s problems and over compensate as a result.
i just can’t understand why parents do that.. my mom and dad do this to me.. i think secretly my mom loves the attention she gets when people notice two of my brothers are fuck ups.. she likes when people feel sorry for her.. but thats just my life.. and my dad does things for my step brothers and sisters all the time “because their always going through bad times”.. he has never done anything for me for free and i lived with him since i was 7 to 18.. i even have to pay gas for a ride home..ugh his “kids” our in their 30’s and 40’s.. can’t they take care of themselves now.. i’m 24 and no one helps me when i’m going through bad times.. for once i’d like to know what it feels like to be someones daughter..
I’m sorry babe. He should pay you as much attention. It almost makes you want to act out to be noticed, but don’t. Stay successful. There will be people who notice.
humans are never stratified, if you are treated like the smart daughter then you are being put expectational, if you are the bad-ass then you are always watched over,grrr
My mother treats my sister the same way. I once asked her why and she said “You are strong, self reliant and you can take care of yourself. You don’t need me the way your sister does”. Mom has never been more wrong about anything.
My parents are like that. When I was younger my sister was going through depression and attempted suicide everyone was by her side supporting her… while they were doing that I was silently being sexually abused. My mom especially has made me believe I should not complain because everyone else has it so rough. I’m the ” successful” child out of my three siblings and even tho i’m the youngest there expectations are much higher for me because my siblings have f*cked up. But I don’t hate them anymore because it’s not helping me. I’ve finally realized the truth behind the reason the bible says ” blessed are the forgiving for they shall be forgiven.” and because I’ve hated my family for years and then I finally realized no matter how much i hated them they weren’t going to change, why make myself sick over it?
soo glad im an only child right about now
it is terrible that you are all being treated like this and i can only offer empathy as i have never felt that way
classic sibling rivalry. think about it this way: would u trade ur success and be the fucked up, drug addict, alcoholic, STD infested, whore to have the relationship that she has with ur father? u and ur sister are different so ur relationship with ur parents is going to reflect that. if ur successful u should be proud of that as im sure ur father is, even if he doesnt say it. i am the successful daughter who gets less attention. i used to think like u. now i think like this. im much happier now.
To rocky (#3)
My mother has told me the same thing about my sister and myself. She say that we need different amounts of care or some s*** like that. I don’t believe it. I believe she hates me to some extent. I know she loves me to and I love her as well, but I kinda hate her too. …maybe it’s a mutual thing. I just believe that a person should treat their children equally and love them equally with no favorites… I guess I’ll know how parents feel when I become one of my own. (Let’s hope I’m right and can love all of my children the same — I’ll let you know in 5 years.)
I understand this completely, and it sucks.
If you’re going to shower the bad kids with love and encouragement, what kind of behavior does that encourage?
I’m good. I get A’s. I’m in honors classes. I join clubs and I have a job and plan to go to college…
Yet all you do is praise her, who gets in fights and fails the classes for lazy kids.
And you know what? It’s too late. Too late to encourage me. I raised my damned self. Keep spoiling and ruining her, go ahead. I’m done. I can do this on my own, just like I always have.
Don’t bother trying.
Like you I practically raised myself as well. I mean yeah sure my mother fed me and gave me a roof over my head, but I was always alone even when I really wasn’t.
What’s sad is that even when we tell ourselves that it’s too late for our parents or legal guardians to do anything… we still want them to. We still want them to love us and show us they actually care. Why is that?
Im the youngest girl in my family,I get straight a’s, am in all honors classes, read, publish my writing, act, paint, sketch, sew, cook, and do all of my chores.
my older sister hates me, she pretends she doesn’t but every time i bring home a report card I see it. i love her so much and she is my favourite person in the world, but it makes me want to die when ever I see her.
she is six years older than me, weighs less-98 lbs- and is absoulutly gorgeous, she just can’t see that.
when she was my age she started cutting, she lost so much weight that you could count every one of her ribs looking at her back, I started hiding my report cards when I was eight.
i could never manage to try to flunk for long because i dream of being a doctor and need to get good grades so that i can get a scholarship.
My mom never stops talking about my sister, most of the time shes complaining but i feel like both my mom and my sister have such big personalities that im squashed.
my mom doesn’t even notice when i dont bring report cards and she has cronic depression so if i have a problem i can’t go to her.
Im now a teen and went through a week where I just said screw it and tried to break out of that tiny little shell they have built me…my mom told me that she wouldn’t be able to deal with it if I started acting like my sister so i stopped.
I feel like I spend about 50 percent of my time comforting my mom 30 percent tipptoeing around or comforting my sister, 18 percent on home work and the rest sleeping.
Its making me unable to sleep or eat and Im constantly sick.
I feel like my sister belives that shes the one that lacks all the attention, that im sucking it all away from her.
i dont know…
I love them both so much but… would it be wrong to move out at the age of 14?
I was the fucked up sister. We’re both healthy adults now. And best friends. I’ll always feel guilty for the attention I took from her. She needed it.
Dear #opal, my heart goes out to you. I can see you’ve suffered and you have risen above. As for the author of this secret, could you be more selfish? Perhaps your father would care more for you if you tried to help your sister out, if you treated her the way you wish you could be treated.
No, it’s not fair, but you are hardly handling this in a beneficial way for anyone. I have six sisters, and it makes a world of sense for my father to work to help them rather than me, since I tend to be more successful. Whatever “successful” really means..
I honestly don’t mean to be rude, only to chide. Give your sister time, give your father credit. He obviously took the time to form you into whatever successful woman you consider yourself to be. Perhaps he is trying to help her become more like you. Successful.
my mother “got it wrong” with me and “got it right” with my sister. i’m a quitter. i quit everyone she wanted me to do from piano to college( i didn’t want to be a nurse like she wanted). my mother told my sister that shes better than me in front of my face. i couldn’t take her insults towards me anymore so on new years eve i left her and she told me to never come back. its been a week and i feel so empty………..
@fighting moloch, you are a bitch. Nothing makes me more mad then someone just telling someone to get over it. Since when does that ever help? What if this girl had read your comment and committed suicide? You are the reason people feel that they need to internalize these secrets in the first place till they become much larger then they can handle.
Suck it up princess and get over it. Not sure if you got the memo, but life isn’t all butterflies and roses, the world doesn’t revolve around anyone. You know what also doesn’t help? Blindly telling people about how tough they’ve got it. You don’t know the OP’s story any more than #Fighting Moloch. For all you know the OP could be a complete attention seeking bitch.
YOUR SISTER WAS SEXUally abused you moron!! That is why she is daddys little girl bc he fucked her up so bad and THAT is why SHE GETS ALL OF THE ATTENTION YOU PRISSY MORON! I AM THAT SISTER.
SHUT YOUR MOUTH. YOU want to bE DADDY FAVORITE???? I saved you frOM THAT and YOU WILL NEVER even KNOW IT. LITTle F BrAT.
@jessi … Way to be a total dick for no reason. You don’t even make any sense.
Maybe daddy just can’t fuck both of you because he is in his 50s, stop being a selfish bitch and know you had his penis all to yourself when you were young and desirable too. Now its lil sis turn, grow up and don’t hate the player, hate the game!
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