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…and now your life has a texture and shape. And feeling. You are incredibly resilient. To give rape such an elegant response is a reflection of your own elegance and inner beauty. It is no surprise that another would find you irresistible, albeit horribly wrong. you should love yourself. You are beautiful.
Im not going to kill myself because he raped me. But because they dont believe me.
I read this and it made me feel not so alone anymore. I feel like a wonderer with indescribable emotions and you summed them up. It sucks how that one feeling controls every decision I have made and has come to define my character now….and because it made me who I am, I hate me.
I can feel you pain my friend, I too hate myself because he raped me and told everyone that he fucked me, I ‘m too scared and embarrassed to tell the truth and this is killing me everyday!
I wouldn’t call hating yourself for something violent and horrible someone else did to you a “elegant response”. And rape doesn’t happen because the man finds another person irresistible, it happens because he’s a violent criminal and after anyone. Stop glamorizing rape.
As for the poster, please don’t hate/blame yourself, and see above. He wasn’t after you in particular, it was nothing you did. You just happened to be unlucky enough to get in his path. It will take time and courage, but you WILL find a way to move on.
Sorry, first part of above comment was aimed at Thom Delahunt.
your response, christy, suggests that you prefer HATE to LOVE! what the poster needs is emotional first aid. but it appears that you would rather she continue to suffer. you argument, in its own way, is as twisted as the rapist
An elegant response!?!?!???????
Hating herself for what someone else did to her is not elegant, it’s self destructive and a sign that she still has a lot of healing to do. She needs therapy and encouragement. That she did nothing wrong. NOTHING. At all. She does not need to be told that hating herself is an elegant response that makes her beautiful. She is beautiful because she survived one of the most horrible things one person can do to another and because she has the ability to help herself and keep working toward moving past it.
And rape has nothing to do with one person finding another irresistible. You can ALWAYS resist. Or find someone else. It’s not that hard to get laid. Rape is not about that.
i was raped too. im scared to tell people because i dont think they would believe me…
Thank you Cass, that’s exactly what I was trying to say as well.
Haybaby, in my experience with this most people will believe you, but there are always some assholes that don’t. My advice is to tell someone very trusted (who is NOT a gossip)first. You deserve to be heard!
For more information, advice, or just someone to tell your story and be believed, call the rape crisis hotline 1-800-656-HOPE.
to the poster: I know I’m a bit late here on these comments. I hope you are still checking them.If you haven’t already, please take Christy’s advice and call. I was 14 when I was raped, it took me 10 years to tell anyone. I was so ashamed, I spent 10 years hating myself and being incredibly self destructive. Now I am in therapy and happy again. It takes so much courage and strength to go from victim to survivor. Stay strong sister. Get help. Good luck.
I believe you.
It’s natural to be scared. But try and overcome that. Talking about it to someone you trust can help you process what happened and heal. If your friends and family know than they might be able to give you support.
Whether you decide to tell people or not, I wish you the best and pray that you find the strength to move past this and get the support you need and deserve.
I recently got an account on facebook. On it I saw that a guy who raped me over 20 yrs ago is happy & financially successful. Me, I have been through hell over the last 5 years & am as poor as ever. I don’t want to look up the other guys that raped me because I don’t think I could stand to see that they too are better off than me. The ones I know the names of, that is…
Don’t give up on living because of what selfish people do to you, Missy. If you’re tempted to take your own life because of what someone else did to you, it means you are going through psychological torment that can be overcome with proper treatment. Try therapy, or a hotline like the one Christy (a few posts down) suggested, or something similar, where you can talk to someone who will believe and help you.
Take care, I hope you’re alright.
it took me a very long time to love myself ad be grateful for all the bad things that have happened in my life. im not saying that if i could do it again i wouldnt change the fact that i was raped. but i am who i am because of it. i am strong i went through something horrible and traumatizing and survived.
i would really love for u to look urself in the mirror and see that u are strong and amazing. that u are not a victim u are a survivor. that u went through something awful and ur still standing. that no matter what comes ur way u can take it and be amazing. because that is what u are U ARE AMAZING. dont give ur rapist that kind of power over u dont that monster take control of ur life.
remeber that u are special that u are amazing and that u will do great things in ur life. RAPE DOES NOT DEFINE U.
Only thing worse than being raped is being a rapist. Or the daughter of one. Strange how rape just brings out guilt in the wrong people most of the time.
There was a postsecret a while ago that said i was “semi-raped”. Thats what i believe happened, only my close friends know. But i got through it and im ok. I even talk to the guy. Its confusing but im proud to know that these things are possible to over come and that im one of them. yet i still cant tell my parents.
i understand completely.
i was raped. i’ve told my parents for three years, they are still in denial.
I was molested for years and spent many years angry and hurt cus the man who did it still to this day over 25 years later swears i made it all up but I know i didn’t ( a child does not have that type of knowledge) and i know deep down somewhere he knows it too. just don’t let it ruin your life you were the victim you had no way of stopping what happened. please don’t kill your self do you really want to throw away your life for some lieing scum bag?? your more than that and this hurt will heal someday (never go away but heal non the less)and then you will be able to live and love like you should. be well & be strong.
truly words to live by.
AWW! I love you! Im so sorry. Dont hate yourself because there are jackasses in this world that think they are entitled to everthing and everyone. Im sure your a great person dont let him take that from you, EVER.
Dont.
yeah, i most definatly understand everything u are going through, im in the exact place you are, I feel like theres no hope left
.
I hope you haven’t done that yet. You will be believed. I believe you and don’t even know you. Whether they believe you or not, isn’t so important as you find those who do and get the help you need and want. The rest will take care of itself. Those who don’t believe often can’t handle the truth (weakness) or weren’t believed themselves (wounded). You do differently.
I believe you. Don’t do it.
I BELIEVE YOU. I HOPE THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GET HELP AND THAT SOMEONE WILL SUPPORT YOU. GOD BLESS YOU
“all lies in jest
still a man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest”
~ Simon and Garfunkel (“The Boxer”)
This is a common response emotionally for a victim. You need to realized it was NOT your fault. I’m sorry you were assaulted. I’m sorry for the 1 in 4 women who are hurt. It isn’t fair. Its sexist. I’m lucky to be in the other 3/4 but it has to be devestating. Do NOT let it rule you.
I was raped three times. The statute of limitations runs out in a week. I can’t function now because of what happened. I still think they were all my fault. I feel I failed.
hi im emmie
& im 13 i was raped wen i was 6 years old
by my cousin..hes probally like 30 right now..and im still afraid to tell my parents..idk how ther qunna take it
I was molested by my father as a teen. I didn’t tell anyone. I avoided my father as much as I could afterwards. My aunt (father’s sister) asked me if my father touched me and I told her that he did. For her to ask that question out of the blue, leads me to believe he had done it to someone else. I was called a liar and an attention whore. She apologized afterwards when she questioned my father an he confessed. Although she knows the truth, she and the rest of the family still treat me as a black sheep…I feel like the bad guy even though I didn’t do anything wrong.
I know what you mean, my sister sexualy abused me when i was little and i hate myself not her. I dont even know if she remembers it or not. I wish i didnt remember.
thats exactly how i feel. right after, when I told my parents who didnt believe me, i dont even believe me anymore.
my bestfriend basically raped me and i still blame myself every single day.
when i was six my best friend and i were having a sleep over, she brought her 4 year old sister in to her room and told me that we should practice kissing like the grownups, she pushed her little sister and started visciously making out with her,i was shocked
i came out of my daze when she started to take of the little girls pants, i pushed her of and told her to stop. she said she would if we could do “tricks” i said i didn’t want to but when she started to move towards her sister i said okay
she started doing the same things to me minus pulling off my pants she was rubbing her self on me and things like that…it wasn’t rape but i never saw her again and i don’t think that i will ever be able to really trust the same way…
the only way I can deal with that and other stuff thats happened to me since is to just not think about it…
I feel terrible, i never told anyone and the thing that keeps giving me nightmares is her sisters face, she was four and she had obviously had this happen to her before, i didn’t do anything to help her.
i didn’t tell anyone.
if she ever reads this, which i doubt but still, i am so so sorry
My cousin raped me for 5 years …his mom is my favorite aunt and the only person who knows is my new boyfriend……we’ve only been together 2 weeks ….I was 5 wen it started ….I’m 23 now…I still lend him money when he asks …I do it for my aunt
I WAS RAPED FOR YEARS. STARTING AS EARLY AS 3 OR 4. I WAS DENIED MEDICAL TREATMENT AND HAD RECONSTRUCTIVE SUGERY ON MY VAGINIA AT AGE 19 AND 21, I AM DEFORMED AND CAN NEVER HAVE CHILDREN. I AM 29 NOW AND SEE ALL MY SISTERS AND COUSINS HAVE BABIES AND I KNOW I WILL NEVER HAVE THAT.MY MOM KNEW. WHAT 4 YEAR OLD BLEEDS? I TOLD HER AND SHE TOLD ME TO SHUT UP. I WAS RAPED UNTIL I WAS 11 AND RAN AWAY TO LIVE WITH A GIRL AT SCHOOL. I WAS THE BAD SEED. THE REBELIOUS ONE. WHEN REALLY I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM THE FAMILY THE MOTHER THAT DID NOT PROTECT ME. SHE LITERALLY JUST APOLOGIZED TODAY… 18 YEARS LATER… I FORGAVE HER BECAUSE I FORGAVE HIM. BUT THAT WILL NEVER TAKE AWAY ALL THE SCARS AND HOW COMPLETLY SCREWED UP IN MY HEAD I AM,
This poster reminds me of when I was 16. I was raped at 16 by a man who hated me!! I tried to tell my family but they didnt believe me, and to be honest they said I did something to provoke it. This man singled me out to destoy me. He took away my sanity at a very yound age and I had to fight very hard to recover from such a violent attack with no help!! That was 27 yrs ago this year! I’m distant from my family and have no respect for them. Yes it did change my life!! One day a young girl just having fun and going to school. The next day a damaged girl that has to grow into a productive member of society? It’s very hard but it can be done!! Taking my life was and is not an option….LIVING HAS BEEN MY BEST REVENGE!!!!
Don’t hate yourself, it’s not YOUR fault
it’s the rapist’s sick fault
I think I was raped but I can’t stop telling myself that it was my fault for putting myself in a bad situation. It was 5 or 6 years ago, and there were 2 instances where I did things I didn’t want to.
The first time I was kind of seeing my best friends boyfriends friend who was 6 or 7 years older. We had had sex before but I was asleep and when he woke me up I said I didn’t want to but he didn’t stop. I feel like I didn’t try hard enough to stop him. I told my best friend and she said I led him on and brought it on myself. He told me not to go and ‘do anything stupid or irrational’. I can’t trust my female friends because of this.
The second time I was with a guy I didn’t know well and his friend (a girl). We were drinking and I basically blacked out after only 1 or 2 drinks. I don’t really remember anything except specifically saying beforehand that I didn’t want to fool around. I dated him for almost 3 weeks before he told me that we had sex that night.
I feel like damaged goods. I am disgusted with myself for letting something like that happen twice. I haven’t been able to go to school regularly and constantly struggle with anxiety, depression, insomnia, flashbacks (when I’ve been with guys since). I had a therapist but I could never bring myself to tell her what had happened. I want help but I don’t know how to bring myself to admit what happened and telling my family is completely out of the question. I’m already a disappointment and a burden. I think bottling it up and having never really talked to anyone that’s believed me about what happened is making me go insane.
I was raped only days after becoming 18, he then tried getting with my friend. I told her to save her, it became easier to tell other people, friends and people I knew wouldn’t tell people. It helped me differentiate between real friends and the fakes. But telling my family seems impossible. They’d be angry, not with me but they’d look at me differently. I’m the strong one. So I’ll keep it to myself and stay the strong one for everyone else. I’m okay most of the time anyway.. I’ll become the person I want to despite this, it’s helped me become more careful and be weary of people i trust but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Aim toward something, work for it and find a reason to love yourself again.