86 thoughts on “I don’t even know her name, but she has to be really stupid….”

  1. its girls like you that took my ex fiance away from me when i was 5 months pregnant… you should be ashamed of yourself

  2. Why does it have to be her to give him up, if he really loved you – he would. No questions asked. He wouldn’t be coming home to someone else. By his actions he’s saying that he’d rather come home to this woman than hurt her, and keep you on the sidelines cause he can. Who’s the stupid one here?

  3. If she did find out and end it with him he will only come to you because he knows you will be there and not because he loves you. If he did he wouldn’t still be with her. Your just there when it’s convenient for him; do you not think you are worth more than that? Obviously not..

  4. Then again, you can’t possibly be stupid enough as to think that once he left her, if he does indeed, that he would actually be yours.
    Dear, cheating is a habit. If he’s cheating on his wife with you, he’ll sure as Hell cheat on you and leave you for someone with longer hair or bigger boobs.

    How can you possibly be in love with a man who can treat a woman with such repulsive disrespect?! Get ready. You’re next. Not that you don’t deserve it.

  5. Why does everyone assume the poster is a female? It could easily be a male sleeping with a closeted or bi-curious husband.

  6. He’ll never leave her… and if he does why do you think he’ll stay faithful to you if it’s been so easy to cheat on his wife?

  7. I wait. And sit. And cry. I love a married man. Adore. But guess what? He always goes home. Cuz it’s not real. So no matter how many times he tells you he loves you or how many songs he writes about you… He’s always going home. And better for him… Who wants that label? That responsibility? But the candy… The candy is tempting

  8. Truly, how thick can you get. A relationship that starts with you as the “other wo/man” can never survive because trust is impossible.

  9. Its women like you that ruined my family and caused so much pain. What you are doing is wrong. Please stop, she may be ignorant, but she is a woman like you that deserves respect.

  10. Guys, it’s not her who’s ruining this marriage. She’s a symptom, not the cause. She has a right to feel the way she feels, but it’s him who is wrecking that home, not her.

  11. I, personally, don’t think he’s being honest about his feelings for either of you

    He goes back to her after being with you..

    yeah. He’s got some thinking to do.
    And he shouldn’t be cheating

  12. Agreed Lesil, it’s not right to sleep with a married person. However, this married person obviously wants to sleep around, weather or not this particular girl lets him doesn’t make a difference. If someone wants to do something, they are going to find a way. Nobody can “take someone away” if they don’t want to be taken.

  13. Its not the womans fault- its his fault, hes choosing to cheat on his wife. Is what this woman is doing right? No, but nobody is holding a gun up to the guys head and is telling him to cheat. Most likely he will never leave his wife for her, shes just a “fill in” for what he is missing in his marriage- very sad, she needs to move on.

  14. I was in a similar situation. I was the other woman too, and believe me, it is EASY to believe that the person you love is everything you want to believe. I did not feel guilty that he was cheating with me because I wasn’t tearing their relationship apart – it was HIS relationship to protect, not mine. I am very aware people will find this evil, UNTIL you have been walking in those shoes.

    Long story short: every single cliche in the book was true. Our breakup was ugly and painful. Now I truly GET IT – that if you are in a relationship that has to be a secret, get out of it.

    He did not end up with me and as far as I know he is still with his original partner. But here’s the thing…he is still lying to her. He still cheats on her and he would have ended up cheating on ME.

    This is a cliche for a reason. I look back now with a “WTF were you thinking?” point of view. Because I am a smart, kind woman, and yet I fell for the oldest, stupidest mistake in the book. Or one of them anyway, and now I am stronger and smarter.

    It would honestly take a disaster of epic proportions for the person I was in love with to stop cheating, no matter who he is with and how worthy of love they are.

    Ultimately, we ALL deserve much better than that.

  15. Everyone is responsible for what they do. Or should be. To be the man cheating on his wife is wrong. To be the woman sleeping with a married man is wrong. You may not have made a promise to his wife but if you don’t respect her, someone else won’t respect you…like her husband. Ironic.

  16. You deserve every bit of the heartbreak he will dish out, as does every woman who uses the excuse that cheating is HIS problem. You are hurting someone you don’t even know, for no good reason, whether you want to believe it or not.

  17. If you choose to start a relationship with a man who is already involved with someone else, you are neither smart, nor are you kind. And if you really believe that about yourself after you’ve done it, you are beyond deluded. I wonder what other lies you’re telling yourself about who you are?

  18. I was in that situation once… Except he wasn’t married, and i didn’t love him. i thought i did and i thought he cared about me, but i later realized that if he truly cared about me he would have broken up with her. But i learned the hard way and i’ll never sink to that level again

  19. My dad had an affair with a woman that started when I was 9, went on until I was 11, he left my mom for her, and he’s been happily married to her for the last 19 years.

    To say “if he loved you, he’d be with you, no questions asked” is so simplistic. People are so much more complicated than that. “If/then” is for computer programming, not the nuances of humanity.

    And to whoever it was that made the comment about longer legs and bigger boobs…you are awfully judgmental…not every guy- not even every guy that cheats- is just chasing around a huge set of tits.

    From the sounds of it, there is probably too much self-righteousness here to actually entertain the concept that he is not just some run-around that is chasing ass.

    Yes, he’s made a mistake in how he’s handling it, but you don’t know any of the people involved, so who are you to make judgments about the man’s character. Have none of you ever made mistakes?

    To the postcard writer- good luck. Others could be right, or I could be right, or it could be some variation of both opinions, or something totally different entirely, but if what both of you have is not lust but truly love, then I hope it works out, because everyone deserves to be happy, even those lowly of us who have ever made mistakes in our lives.

  20. Dear Disagree,
    Look. You hollered at some poor fellow about being judgmental–wouldn’t that, in itself, easily be construed as a judgmental act on your part?

    On mistakes–yes, we have all made them. However, if this is the excuse which allows us to continue in our errors, “Oh, everyone makes mistakes”, or that we are, “only human”, how are we ever to step away from this so obviously destructive path? Seemingly, excuses about making mistakes serves only to propagate this ridiculous cycle. This can only leave us in the chaos of separated marriages, broken families, homicides, suicides, and the ease of mind that follows yet another human mistake.

    I am sorry that you lost a parent. I’m glad that at least the one is happy. Your bias from their seeming good fortune leaves you with unicorn and rainbow filled notions of separation. I’ve lost my entire family–parents, beautiful siblings–in separation. I’m only eighteen years old, and I’m fighting my way alone through college and life.

    Just think–what are the life-long ramifications for the mistakes some make so easily? You may not see them now, but you will.

    Best wishes.

  21. Ok I would guess most men wouldn’t come close to this issue much less comment on it. And what evil low life of a cheating husband would even conceive of lending his ‘two cents’ worth.

    Well, Hello ladies.

    First – Yes cheating is wrong, and it is usually because of greed or dissatisfaction. But many people do not look at and try to work on their relationship/marriage when they come to the realization that it isn’t going to work out. I think their behavior is simple old-fashion ‘running away’ syndrome. It is unfortunate that this way of handling the problem doesn’t solve it and can create other bigger issues if not crisis.

    But I’m and sure it is only women who marry a person with hopes
    That they will change. It is only women who can suffer because of a spouse. Only women can be mistreated. And only women who are allowed lapses in judgment. Only women stay “because of the kids”. Only women who are saints to men who are only demons.

    Yes, I cheated. Who could believe that a man married someone that would mistreat him (take his heart and use it like a sewing pin cushion). Who would believe that a man would marry a woman whomwould respond to requests that their marriage be worked on with simple c

  22. cont.

    with simple comments like: “I don’t have any problems and if you are unhappy that’s YOUR PROBLEM not mine”. Or the classic (at least in my antidotal example “If you’re unhappy, why dont you just be a man and leave”. Always wonderful cmoments to make to a spouse that is expressing a desire to improve on a marriage.

    Of course I’m positive all of you lady crusaders know of no other relationships except those where the male is the problem and the problem-maker.

    I shouldn’t have cheated it did nothing but give the most temporary of respites. It solved nothing. Doing so would only add to the stress I was dealing with nonetheless.

    However, I met a woman who would not be a ‘woman on the side’. We realized that are talks and walks were of more importance than having a sexual relationship. Oh yes I was cheating and NOT HAVING SEX, go figure. At the moment I thought I may love this woman – my senses came to me and asked if I was insane. I … We broke it off (I did not know she was having similar feelings). I feverously returned to trying to work on marriage – being met again with resistance and harsh comments as listed above. Tears, begging, negotiating, pleading must not be only tools for women – because I used them all. Children – god I wished that I knew that they cannot hold a marriage intact (another chick move as a friend of my referred to it).

    Well one day arguing that I need to be needed and wanted and that I wanted to love that a give returned – I was advised that my wife wasn’t planning on changing who she was and that if I did not like it or the way she was being a wife: “why don’t I be a man and leave”. I had heard it so many times before I can’t explain why it hurt so much that day. But I followed the advice.

    It was not easy – having a marriage go bad. There was no joy in it – there is t any now. I don’t blame my ex-wife as I asked her to marry me knowing her issues (but believing things would and could improve – yet another chick move so said my buddy again!).

    A year or so away from a woman I thought understood me and now I’m living separated. I thought great I’ll call and …. well my therapist (yes my continuing trend of chick moves was to continue seeing the therapist I asked my wife to go to for marriage counseling) said that I needed to have time alone. So I did.

    And when I finally made the car, I fully expected to have been too late or worse in some ways to be seen as too damaged goods. Well neither was the case. We dated. I told her that I loved her before we stopped seeing each other. She said see too had fallen for me but never thought I would leave my marriage over her. I told her I didn’t. I explained that I did what I did for menand for no one else.

    We married after 4 years of dating and THEN moved in together. LOL No it isn’t like life stopped and we entered into the fantasy world of Disney where there are no more problems (the ecomony, death, illness, etc. etc. etc. still occurs). But I’m a very lucky to have someone who wants love and wants to give it back.

    This may be the longest and worst rambling post ever – but I thought I’d continue my habit of doing chick things and share my feelings and experience.

    Yes I cheated and it was wrong even though I found my true love.

    I would only say this – of my male friends I know of know who even consider leaving their wives because they could receive better sex somewhere else. But every male friend that’s had a divorce or is thinking about one seems to have been or is currently feeling very unhappy. I can’t say all of them have the same issues but I feel confident in saying men can at times be a little deeper than most woman give us credit for.

  23. Meeting someone you are attracted to and then breaking off the relationship to deal with your marriage, one way or another, is not the same thing as carrying on a long term (sexual) affair with no intention of being honest with your wife. So yes, maybe you cheated, but at least you were man enough to back up and straighten out your situation.

    Men who don’t do that, and more than that, the women who know what they are doing to that other woman and go along with it, participate in deceiving someone they don’t have any reason to harm (and they are participating when they know he’s married and continue to have a relationship with him), are beneath contempt. I don’t care what excuse they give for behaving that way, they DO have another option. Honesty is always an option. When you don’t choose that option, I don’t care how ‘in love’ you are, or how much you think you’re ‘doing it for the kids,’ you are behaving in a manner that serves no one but yourself. And to the women who think that he’ll never cheat on you like he cheated on her, he’ll cheat on you JUST like he cheated on her. That’s almost guaranteed. And you will have bought and paid for all the pain and disillusion you end up with.

  24. These Secrets aren’t for you to Critisize and Make them about you.
    There here for you to read and accept that like other people and you they have mistakes, problems and thoughts that they can’t control anymore.

  25. For those of you that are writing hateful comments about this girl should be ashamed of yourselves. This is a site people come to for consolence, not judgement. This girl isn’t affecting your life, no reason to be so cruel. Voice your opinions respectfully, even if you don’t agree.
    And @SoSad and @lexa- it’s not the woman’s fault your husband/fiance cheated on you. If it wasn’t this woman, it would have been another. It was HIS choice. No one else’s. Have more self respect than idealizing this man. YOU DESERVE BETTER. And don’t take YOUR problems out on this woman.

  26. And @Holly. You are disgusting. Grow up. And find some class. Who are you to wish this on a woman you don’t even know? You don’t know her story. It says something about YOUR character that you would wish that on her. You should be ashamed of yourself. People like you disgust me.

  27. Stop waiting is all I have to say. Listen, you sound just like my mother and you know what happen? my mother was knocked up, had me and my father went back to his wife. He never came back and he denied me. My stepmother fought for him and she won. He is not in love with you. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are worth more than that. Find yourself someone that will come home to you every night.
    Ill tell you another secret, My mother was my dads first wife and she is still in love with him even though he beat her when they were together.He left her and stopped loving her but she is always holding onto the past.
    He is not worth it

  28. Trust me. You are more than that. Dont suffer by waiting for him to come to you. I see it every time I see my mother and its sad.
    Those who are saying that cheating is ok….ITS NOT! Dont be stupid about it. If someone has to cheat than dont get involved because all it does is cause trouble.

  29. I have been in this situation for over two years now. I began my relationship after my husband systematically tried to in his words “drive me crazy or get me to divorce him”. I did not leave because when my parents divorced my mother and I almost starved to death, literally. The other man I am with is the kindest, gentlest, sweetest person in the whole world. I know in my heart of hearts that he will never leave his wife. However, when you live with a monster you do what you can to make it bearable. Yes, I will leave my husband when my children become independent. But right now the other man’s kindness and loving ways far outweigh the wickedness of having an affair.

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