Post Secret Archive

i know how you feel. i dated a guy for six months after he tried to rape me…. eventually i just gave in and slept with him

I’ve uh… I’ve done something similar to this. I convinced my then-girlfriend to share some very sexual pictures with me. We kept doing that until her parents found out. She broke up with me because of this.

I regret having done this every day of my life. I humiliated and lost the only person I loved.

I did this as well. it was only a few days. & my parents believed me, but none of my friends did. i’m not sure if they ever will. but, i know what happened. & i have lived with it for 6 years.

This happened to me in junior high as well. The guy raped me, and my best friend told my parents about it.

One night recently I awoke to a friend, who was staying with my roommate and me as a favor, pulling my pants off and performing oral sex on me. Several of my close friends understand my discomfort with the situation; however, my roommate (who has known him longer than I have) tells me that it was equally my fault because I told him I was attracted to him, kissed him, and allowed him to sleep in my room (rather than on the couch). I know that it wasn’t my fault because I specifically (and repeatedly) told him no before we fell asleep, but it still hurts that my roommate can’t to see that.

Similiar happened to me. My first real boyfriend, when I was 14, raped me and stole my virginity. I knew what he did was wrong, because I said “no”, but I was young and I just thought that’s the way sex was.. I stayed with him and he raped me several more times and told everyone we had sex. Only months later, after we had broken up, and I began cutting myself and developed an eatting disorder did I truely realize what had happened.. I never confronted him.

Rape is not about sex or love. Rape is about power and control. It is never, absolutely never, the victim’s fault. There is a place online where victims can receive peer-based support. It is not a substitute for a counselor, but it may be helpful. the URL is http://www.hopeforhealing.org. There are forums for both male and female survivors as well as other resources available. please, check it out. nobody should have to deal with this alone.

When I was 14 I went to a party with my best friend. I was uncomfortable because there was drinking and smoking going on and I didn’t do either of those things, so I left and started walking home alone. One of the guys at the party followed me, dragged me into the woods and tore off my clothes. He tried to force me to have sex with him. Somehow I managed to get away and wasn’t raped, but I was traumatized badly. Even worse than that, though, was my friend’s reaction. She couldn’t understand why I hadn’t had sex with him. She thought because he was popular and a football player that I was a fool. I never talked to her again.
I’m 45, now, and I had really hoped that by now guys wouldn’t think that it is their ‘right’ to sleep with anyone, anytime, but they do.

I was 11 and in middle school. I said no and he kept going. He stole my virginity at 11 so I could never give it to anyone else. I don’t make it a big deal anymore but it still hurts every time I think about it. I never speak of him by name, just asshole #1 and one time I saw someone with the same last name as him and fainted. It happened again when I was 14, that’s asshole #2. Now I just kind of give it away because it’s already gone. I wish I could undo it.

its sad to me that there are so many relations to this secret, i have more than one of my own that relates to sexual abuse, it would kill me if anyone i knew in real life ever found out, it happened when i was 6, 12 and then 14. i am 18, and this is the first time i have ever said anything about it in over 10 years. i am here as much as i can be, AIM me imhappyletsdance

It’s never too late to start over.. Become a “recycled virgin” and save it for someone special!

this is truly sad.all of your storys touch my heart but as a guy myself it makes me so angry.i have a drop of sympathy for each nd every raped victim or prostitute. it just discust me from all the sick minded,freaks of a guy ho ever even thought of something so deviant.to steal something that is most important to almost every girl.it really PISSES me off. <:(

i know what it feels like although i’m going to change it up a bit unlike most of i was in the fourth grade i was at a family friends house and my parents were outside with the man’s then fiance….im now 18 and they still dont know im afraid they wont believe me

this happened to me when i was fifteen. i continued seeing him, because i didn’t want the first guy i ever slept with to be just something awful that happened one night. i didnt tell anyone… he’s now in jail for doing to another girl after me.
i regret not saying anything every day.

Last semester, I slept with a guy. But I only did it because I sincerely thought that if I didn’t, I was going to get raped. I told him no a few times, but I figured if I just didn’t answer him at all, then it wouldn’t “be really getting raped”

I read all the comments to this post, and burst out crying. I have 5 good friends who were raped before the age of 19, for most of them it was their first time, and my girlfriend lost her virginity that way too a few years before we met. It fills me with a BURNING RAGE that scares me sometimes, and I don’t know how to find an outlet for it…

the same thing happened to me.. But it happened three times instead of just once, and still took me two more months to break up with him after the last time.. I’m glad I’m not the only one this has happened to, I felt so crazy..

Me, being in High school now, I always remember the one day that I have always regreted. dating that one boy. I was almost raped by a boyfriend of which I only went out with for around 2 months or so. He is to blame for all the times I had chose to run away since I didn’t know what else to do. I blame him for making me mean to everyone, even those I do not know. Not only was I almost raped, but I was beat by him. When I had first meet him, he was absolutely kind and gentle. Then I saw how fast he flipped on me. He would slam me into the walls of my own bedroom. I was afraid to speak to him, for if I said something he wasn’t pleased with, I would be smacked. Once I did finally break up with him. The phone calls never ended. He would always ask around for me. Even now after 4 years if I see a number that is unknown on my caller id, I gasp for a breath. When I was in a store and I heard his voice, I grabbed my cellphone, and fumbled to call my best friend. To this day, I still live in fear.

The first time I was raped I was 15, he was my first real boyfriend. He was 21. We were both in high school togeather. He never wouldn’t stop no matter what I did. I dont remember much the rest of the month, I think I was in shock. It happend alot though. I wish I had someone to tell.

I never thought this happened to anyone else but a month into my first relationship ever the guy raped me i dated him 10 more moths i really loved him but he got another girl pregnant and left me. i let him use me all the time and its made it impossible for me to trust annyone else. My current boyfriend doesnt know….he thinks i trust him and i want to but i will never 100% be able to and i blame my first bf for that.

Wow. Since I commented on this post, I have been receiving the rest of your comments to my email. I feel so bad for what has happened to you. Not one of you deserved that, no one does. I really hope you can all fully heal.

Like we say in 12-step groups:

We will not regret the past
Nor wish to shut the door on it

Face
Embrace
Replace

wow, you have no idea how many people can relate to this. you are not alone. clearly the issue is a lack of self esteem, but you need to rise above that! just know this does not make you a bad person.

My girlfriend was raped by her “friend” apparently he didnt know it was rape, because she didnt say no. She was scared. she pulled away but she couldnt/didnt stop him. She is still friends with him. I get sick every time i think about him. Her phone goes off when shes with me, and every angry thought that has ever crossed my mind burst into my head, because i know its him. She tells me she has forgiven him. How? how can you forgive ? i cant forgive him. I want to kill him. and i want him to know if he ever reads this. that if for any reason i am no longer with her. He is going to feel pain… and i will probably go to prison.

My point is, we believe you. We love you. You have friends far and wide. *hug*

I feel for all of you who had to go through this awful experience but know that there are many out there who have experienced the same thing and never lose hope or give in to the anger.
a good book to read about this or to give to your daughter is “speak” by laurie halse anderson

When I was 19 I was accepted to take part in a volunteer aboard program in Ukraine. We spent 3 days in toronto before flying to Ukraine. During this time I was assualted by one of the other participants. I tired to leave the room twice but he wouldn’t let me out the door. He said I couldn’t leave when I was that upset that we could just talk. It was so late and I was so tired I eventually consented. He apologized to me the next day for his behaviour but I pretended like everything was fine and what happened was normal because I was so afiard of being kicked off the trip. I kept pretending even though his seat has next to mine on the plain, his apartment has right above mine, and we worked in the same building. I was holding it together until he told me, on my birthday, that he had tested positive for an STD. I started to fall apart then but I think I might have still been ok. It was the fact that this respected international volunteer organization did everything they could to shut me up and cover up the fact that something happened that shouldn’t have. Because I had had more partners then my attacker I was deemed a Whore and it was the belief that a whore could not be raped. I was forced to go to a clinic that was like something out of a horror movie because ‘I was putting myself and everyone else at risk” Then they sent me home ME NOT THE GUY home before I even got my test results back. When they told me I was being sent home the last theard I was holding on to broke. I started wailing and I was told if I didn’t stop that they would have me arrested and I should consider myself lucky that they were paying for my flight home. I was given 3 hours to go and pack my stuff oh and this was on thanksgiving. They let me help prepare a thanksgiving meal with the other participants knowing I wouldn’t be able to take part in it.
I’m sorry this is so long but I’m glad that I am finally strong enough 2 years later to write this down. Thanks everyone for reading and sharing.

I’ve been sexually assaulted countless times when I was younger. I’ve never been able to trust someone until my boyfriend who Im still unable to trust fully. The only thing is after years of hiding what happened I tell him but he doesn’t want to hear it. Now there’s no one to go to.

You uys who were raped should read the book speak by laurie halse anderson. it was really good, and im sure you can relate.

I grew up in an abusive home. I was beaten, had food withheld, didn’t have proper clothing. Sometimes we didn’t even have Gas or Electricity. I did everything in my power to be a ‘good girl’. No Drugs, No Boys, No Misbehavior of any kind. I wanted to get married and have a family some day and I didn’t want to jeopardize my chances by not being a ‘good girl’. When I was 21, I was everyone’s designated driver. I took care of my friends during their most drunken and stupid episodes. One night, I went to a party at one of my ‘friend’s’ apartments. I accepted a drink, from a friend of a friend…I wasn’t driving anywhere, my apartment was a block away…what was the harm, right? I remember two flashes from that night… the first flash was of the first few sips of the drink…the rest I pieced together by talking to my ‘friends’ over the next week. Apparently my friends allowed 2 strange men to carry me off. My friends told me that I had gotten so drunk, that I couldn’t even walk. The two men must have been shorter than I was because they dragged me back to my apartment allowing my bare feet to scrape on the sidewalk the whole block. They raped me. The next morning when I came too, I was dazed and confused. I woke up naked, with a man in my bed that I had never met or even seen before. I had burning pain in my toes from where they had become infected, my whole body was sore, I had pain between my legs, and a black eye. I was groggy and the guy somehow convinced me that I had initiated everything…when he finally left I took a shower somehow believing that I had brought this on myself. I remembered the second flash from that night about 2 weeks later… It was me yelling, ‘Get off me you worthless sack of shit’. I assume now that is how I got the black eye. I started having all kinds of problems. I went from being on the Deans list to flunking out of college. I met some guy that came through where I worked and he asked me on a date. I accepted. When he showed up at my house, I wasn’t quite ready to go and I invited him in. Once the door was closed, he made it very clear that he wasn’t there to take me to a movie. He was there to have sex. He was a lot bigger than I was and I thought that if I tried to tell him no or fight him that I would end up in a lot worse shape physically. So I just detached myself until it was over. He kept coming back. I was afraid to call the police because I didn’t think that anyone would believe that I had gone through what I went through and then gotten myself into this situation too. I never went to the police about anything. I wish I had. I ended up with Genital Herpes and Genital Warts. I feel like I let them all get away with what they did. I went through about 6 years of bad relationships, all abusive in their own way. The streak of bad relationships and abuse stopped in 2002. I read a book called, ‘I Never Called it Rape’ by Robin Warshaw and I am pretty sure it saved my life. It allowed me the perspective I needed to understand the mechanisms behind what happened and thatt none of it was my fault…although there are still day…. I also met my husband and we are now expecting our second daughter. he is the kind of man who never raises his voice even when he is angry and he is always supportive. Women, I am writing this to let you know that whatever it is, you can overcome it. You are BIGGER than whatever happened to you! The best revenge is to live well and be happy! It is your right to be happy and it is your right to be loved. Exercise your rights!

from the time I was 13 to the age of about 17 I was used like a hole to fill by several grown men and various teenage boys. One in particular I am still terrified of after all these years. He used me the most horribly and for the longest period of time. He still looks for me some times. I’m 30 now. I’m still hiding. I’ll always feel 15 when I think of him and that makes me angry and afraid. He said he’s sorry on his myspace and I hope I’m never confronted with having to be expected to take his apology in person because I’m afraid I may kill him now. I’ve grown up feeling contaminated and I dont know how to relate sex to love. I also dont know how to relate acceptance without sex even though sex can cause me to fall apart. I struggle to understand myself every day because of the things that other people have done to me.

I suppose its all a matter of perspective. I dont understand the pain you are in but I respect that you have it. I hope you come across a time when you dont any more

After I left a 4 year abusive relationship no one believed me either.

I grew up in an abusive home. My wife went through the same sort of situation with her first boyfriend. We have an incredibly beautiful six-month-old daughter, and if anything like this ever happens to her, we will believe, and we will help her through it all. While I would never say I am glad for the suffering I’ve been through, I am happy that I have learned to be a better Dad than I ever had. Strong examples of what NOT to do as a Dad certainly helped teach me how to be a good one.

For all of you out there who must deal with this pain, you are not alone. None of it was your fault. None of you deserved what happened to you.

I’m so sorry =[ It breaks my heart to hear stories like these. No one, male or female, should be abused or hurt in any way shape or form. Anyone who has been hurt doesn’t deserve it in any way, and i believe that they are one of the strongest kind people because they have learned to deal with that pain.

I was fourteen years old, about to turn 15, staying the night at my friends house. Her older brother took us to a party with him. When the party was over my friend and I were intoxicated and high, and when we got back to the house, her 21 yr old brother who was sober enough to drive, convinced me to have sex with him and took my virgenity.. I never knew if what happened was my fault… I’m now almost 16, and in that one year I’ve had sex with 11 guys, some of them are already men, one was 23, that one my mom found out about. For some reason I can’t figure out a way to have a normal relationship.. I keep jumping right into sex, sometimes I begin a new relationship with sex before I’ve ended the old one. I need help, but there’s no way could tell any of this to my mom.

I’m 16. I’ve never been raped, but the first time I was molested was when I was 15. He said it was my fault. And even now I have a hard time around all but two of my guy friends. If anyone moves their hands too close to me, I immediately grab their wrist or hand or arm to try to get them to not touch me in any way, even if it is only to pat my back or grab my hat. My older sister abused my when I was younger, everyone was going through a hard time, and I was probably an annoying child. So I kind of understand why she did it. I just wish she hadn’t. The other day in class I felt like I was going to have a panic attack because one of my friends grabbed me unexpectedly for a hug. I was struggling to get out of their arms but they wouldn’t let go. It brought me right back to the night when a guy who was much bigger then me held me against the wall and tried to rape me. I thank everything that the cops came to bust the party next door and I screamed as loudly as I could. I’ve never been raped. I’m still a virgin. My friends make fun of me for it. But it’s only because they don’t know.. The past year I’ve struggled with an eating disorder and depressing that led to self harm. I am not proud of myself. I wish every day that guys like that didn’t exist. I know that it was my fault, but maybe if they weren’t here … idk. We’ll never know.

i broke up with him the night he made me do stuff i didn’t wanna do. he screamed and pushed and argued until i gave in. he told everyone what happened, and left out the part i told him no over and over. most of my friends stopped talking to me and i fell into depression, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep. i felt so guilty and grimy. he came back and told me that what happened was my fault and i left the one guy who would ever “love me.” i was so upset i believed him. we dated for three months after that. every time we hung out the same thing happened and eventually i just got used to it. one day my best guy friend looked me straight in the face and said i was being used. woah. reality check. i broke up with him that night, and he was so mad at me the next day and yelled at me in front of my entire gym class. i had a panic attack and fell on the floor. he told the guidance counselor of my high school things that weren’t true, and i had to deal with teachers the rest of freshmen year. he told the few friends i had left “you get what you want from one of them, and move on to the next. it’s so much easier that way.” and hooked up with my bestie. i can’t trust anyone anymore. i don’t like people touching me. i refuse to ever love someone like that again. i can’t forgive him and most of all i can’t forgive myself. ever. i’m a whore and a slut and it’s horrible. i should be stronger than that but i’m not and it breaks my heart.

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My son’s biological father raped me when I was 15 – I don’t know why but when I was 16 I forced myself to date him, and I got pregnant. For the year in between I couldn’t even think about him without getting sick. He’s never seen my son, who is now 7, and I will keep it that way until the day that I die. I know it’s not ok to hate, but that is one person I will hate for the rest of my life.

:] You’re not alone, you’re never alone. I’ve never experienced anything like this, but my mother was raped by her grandfather when she was five. No one believed her until he raped 5 other little girls and went to prison. Before I knew about it, I loved him like my own grandfather. He was very close to raping me when my father came home and punched him in the face.
The point is, my mother is still on antidepressants because of it. (She’s 40 now) It’s effected everyone’s life horribly. Funny how one man can ruin hundreds of people’s lives.
I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’re a wonderful person. Never let anything like this bring you down. If they take advantage of you, instead of giving you the love you deserve, they never get to see at your best. It’s their loss.

When I was in high school, a guy I was dating hit me. I told my mom and she didn’t believe me. I had to listen to her talk to him on the phone telling him how sorry SHE was for HIM that I even accused him and how much she would miss him since I ended it. Unfortunately, because it is within her character, she has done things like that many times in my life. Thankfully I am older now and her opinion doesn’t matter as much. Good luck.