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It is better than being a virgin. I am a virgin at 32 and I am ashamed of it.
I suppose its all a matter of perspective. I dont understand the pain you are in but I respect that you have it. I hope you come across a time when you dont any more
After I left a 4 year abusive relationship no one believed me either.
I grew up in an abusive home. My wife went through the same sort of situation with her first boyfriend. We have an incredibly beautiful six-month-old daughter, and if anything like this ever happens to her, we will believe, and we will help her through it all. While I would never say I am glad for the suffering I’ve been through, I am happy that I have learned to be a better Dad than I ever had. Strong examples of what NOT to do as a Dad certainly helped teach me how to be a good one.
For all of you out there who must deal with this pain, you are not alone. None of it was your fault. None of you deserved what happened to you.
You can’t be serious. Did you just compare her struggle with RAPE to being a virgin? She had her innocence ripped from her and you think that is “better” than being a virgin? That is… I have no way to describe the feelings your words stir inside me.
You could end your “struggle” anytime you wanted by getting a hooker or taking some initive in a relationship. Losing it by choice is a blessing, no matter HOW long it takes. It is WORTH the wait. Having it snatched away from you is the most horrible thing in the world.
This is the most horrible, insensitive comment I have ever read. You should be ashamed. Not at being a virgin, that’s perfectly fine. But for downplaying this woman’s suffering and lacking complete perspective.
She (Lunatik) did not say that she was raped, only that she was used.
I’m so sorry =[ It breaks my heart to hear stories like these. No one, male or female, should be abused or hurt in any way shape or form. Anyone who has been hurt doesn’t deserve it in any way, and i believe that they are one of the strongest kind people because they have learned to deal with that pain.
I was fourteen years old, about to turn 15, staying the night at my friends house. Her older brother took us to a party with him. When the party was over my friend and I were intoxicated and high, and when we got back to the house, her 21 yr old brother who was sober enough to drive, convinced me to have sex with him and took my virgenity.. I never knew if what happened was my fault… I’m now almost 16, and in that one year I’ve had sex with 11 guys, some of them are already men, one was 23, that one my mom found out about. For some reason I can’t figure out a way to have a normal relationship.. I keep jumping right into sex, sometimes I begin a new relationship with sex before I’ve ended the old one. I need help, but there’s no way could tell any of this to my mom.
You physically consented to sex, so it was your responsibility (even though you are not legally liable).
and I’m sure it wasn’t his fault either, he only allowed a minor to get high and then seduced her and took her virginity. He shouldn’t have done it if she begged him!
It was his fault, since he agreed to the act as well. In fact, being an adult, he would have legal liability for having sex with someone who had no authority to do so.
I think “used like a hole to fill” is pretty explicit in describing rape. Some women don’t like the word. “Used” is a common substitute for it.
Even if she wasn’t raped, that comment was still insensitive. I’m sure she would prefer being a virgin to what happened to her.
Please, Lunatik, correct me if I’m wrong. You’re the one that lived through that.
Even if it wasn’t “rape” sexual abuse is not worse than being a 32 year old virgin.
You’re an incredible person.
I’m 16. I’ve never been raped, but the first time I was molested was when I was 15. He said it was my fault. And even now I have a hard time around all but two of my guy friends. If anyone moves their hands too close to me, I immediately grab their wrist or hand or arm to try to get them to not touch me in any way, even if it is only to pat my back or grab my hat. My older sister abused my when I was younger, everyone was going through a hard time, and I was probably an annoying child. So I kind of understand why she did it. I just wish she hadn’t. The other day in class I felt like I was going to have a panic attack because one of my friends grabbed me unexpectedly for a hug. I was struggling to get out of their arms but they wouldn’t let go. It brought me right back to the night when a guy who was much bigger then me held me against the wall and tried to rape me. I thank everything that the cops came to bust the party next door and I screamed as loudly as I could. I’ve never been raped. I’m still a virgin. My friends make fun of me for it. But it’s only because they don’t know.. The past year I’ve struggled with an eating disorder and depressing that led to self harm. I am not proud of myself. I wish every day that guys like that didn’t exist. I know that it was my fault, but maybe if they weren’t here … idk. We’ll never know.
i broke up with him the night he made me do stuff i didn’t wanna do. he screamed and pushed and argued until i gave in. he told everyone what happened, and left out the part i told him no over and over. most of my friends stopped talking to me and i fell into depression, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep. i felt so guilty and grimy. he came back and told me that what happened was my fault and i left the one guy who would ever “love me.” i was so upset i believed him. we dated for three months after that. every time we hung out the same thing happened and eventually i just got used to it. one day my best guy friend looked me straight in the face and said i was being used. woah. reality check. i broke up with him that night, and he was so mad at me the next day and yelled at me in front of my entire gym class. i had a panic attack and fell on the floor. he told the guidance counselor of my high school things that weren’t true, and i had to deal with teachers the rest of freshmen year. he told the few friends i had left “you get what you want from one of them, and move on to the next. it’s so much easier that way.” and hooked up with my bestie. i can’t trust anyone anymore. i don’t like people touching me. i refuse to ever love someone like that again. i can’t forgive him and most of all i can’t forgive myself. ever. i’m a whore and a slut and it’s horrible. i should be stronger than that but i’m not and it breaks my heart.
Wow I thought I was the only person w/ that secret. I was constantly being threatened he was going to rape me… I eventually just gave in and slept with him as well. Lost my virginity. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made
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My son’s biological father raped me when I was 15 – I don’t know why but when I was 16 I forced myself to date him, and I got pregnant. For the year in between I couldn’t even think about him without getting sick. He’s never seen my son, who is now 7, and I will keep it that way until the day that I die. I know it’s not ok to hate, but that is one person I will hate for the rest of my life.
:] You’re not alone, you’re never alone. I’ve never experienced anything like this, but my mother was raped by her grandfather when she was five. No one believed her until he raped 5 other little girls and went to prison. Before I knew about it, I loved him like my own grandfather. He was very close to raping me when my father came home and punched him in the face.
The point is, my mother is still on antidepressants because of it. (She’s 40 now) It’s effected everyone’s life horribly. Funny how one man can ruin hundreds of people’s lives.
I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’re a wonderful person. Never let anything like this bring you down. If they take advantage of you, instead of giving you the love you deserve, they never get to see at your best. It’s their loss.
When I was in high school, a guy I was dating hit me. I told my mom and she didn’t believe me. I had to listen to her talk to him on the phone telling him how sorry SHE was for HIM that I even accused him and how much she would miss him since I ended it. Unfortunately, because it is within her character, she has done things like that many times in my life. Thankfully I am older now and her opinion doesn’t matter as much. Good luck.
There are so many girls and women living in the horrible aftermath of this. But where are the boys and men? For every one of us women with a story of date rape, there is a boy or man somewhere with a history of being a rapist. Where are these men now? Do they recognize that what they did was wrong? That they crushed us? Do they feel remorse? Have they learned anything? I really appreciate the comment by Mercy, and I hope that there are other guys out there like you who learned from their mistakes and feel remorse.
I was molested by my boyfriend, too. He convinced me that I agreed to it. I couldn’t tell him no, because he controlled my life. I did try to put up some boundaries… tried to keep him from going any further, but he didn’t really listen. He never raped me, but still left me with damage. Some days I wished that he had raped me, because then it would be like an excuse for feeling like this, because touching me shouldn’t be this upsetting for me. It was almost a year before I realized that it was really done without my consent, that it was molesting, that it was sexual assault. He stalked me for over a year, and had me convinced that we still had to be friends even though we weren’t in a relationship anymore. I finally got the courage to stop answering his calls/texts/ims/facebook messages/emails/etc. My silence is the only way I can speak.
I just had to tell you because I understand how hard it can be. And you’re the first person I’ve ever told.
someone else out there will no only like you, but love you
i hope you find them soon
A boy tried to rape me when I was in 8th grade and no one believed me. Not even my mother.
What the fuck do you mean “how is this related to rape”? Rape isn’t just physical. He intimidated her! That’s harassment.
I kind of want to smack this OP’s mother. I would never EVER not believe someone who told me they were raped. I hope that she finds someone who really loves her and her mother learned a lesson.
No, most don’t regret it because they did it to feel powerful. It isn’t about sex. They validate it by considering us the second-class citizens we once were naught a few hundred years ago. The best thing you can do, is be strong woman and shove it in their faces.
*crying* Oh my God, I’m so sorry. If I was your friend I would have beaten that jackass up for you.
It absolutely wasn’t her fault. Intimidating into sex by using your age/drugs is called SEXUAL BATTERY. It’s as bad as rape. You are the kind of men who disregard real issues, like the secretary indimidated into fucking her boss because he threatened to fire her. It was the same thing.
You need to ask your mother to see a conselour. Talk to a professional. You’re associating love with sex. It really isn’t the same. Good luck.
That is molestation and its just as damaging. His convincing you of his “control” is sexual battery. I’m sorry you had to suffer through that. Block his number. Good luck.
I think she’s trying to forgive to hide the pain, but you need to make her block that number. She needs to stay away from him.
Your story makes me cry. If I was your friend, I would have believed you and NEVER hooked up with him. My bestie was raped and hates being touched by men too. I bend back the fingers of boys who get too close if I think she’s uncomfortable. We were in the mall once and some guy tried to hit on her by putting his arm around her, the moment I saw her face I bent his wrist out of the socket. No one hurts one of my friends.
Wow. You are really special, Lunatik. I went apeshit on that guy. You are a strong person. You’re an inspiration.
As someone who lived through something very similar, you are definitely not alone. I wish I could have been there to help you. Don’t ever blame yourself.
It counts as rape if she is either underage or 16 and “not in her right mind–” meaning intoxicated. That was legally rape.
OKAY, “Michael”
Being a virgin is –NOT– better than being a rape victim and being in an abusive relationship. You’re ignorant and should learn to appreciate the good things in your life. Go get raped and beaten and see how much you love it.
I’m sorry, but being raped is not better than being a virgin #1. That is a disgusting thing to say.
@ Nobodyreallycares # You are absolutely NOT a whore, and you are absolutely NOT a slut. I have been date-raped by so many guys; it’s just despicable. The first (who stole my virginity) had a “real” girlfriend at the time whom he lied about having, there was a married guy (who had told me he was single) who isn’t even a U.S. citizen but who will never be deported because of the unfortunate circumstances, a rapist who set up an apartment where he takes women JUST TO RAPE THEM, a man who happens to be mentally handicapped, a (now-past) boyfriend of mine, his best friend, another one of their friends…The list gets a lot longer.
These horrible experiences led me to having a lot of unintentional one night-stands with non-rapists who unfortunately did not know anything about having to work to satisfy a woman (in other words, they asked if I’d climaxed, I didn’t lie, they left, and I never saw them again.
Now, hopefully with all that crap behind me, the sweetest man in the world loves me “like [I'll] never understand,” but because he took over an entire business when the owner died a year ago, he has no time in which to see me. He has to work long days even on every national holiday! He barely gets any chances to call or write anymore, and when he DOES have time to respond to emails, he answers mine FIRST. Last Lent, I took a vow to never have casual sex EVER again, and because of that, it appears that I’ll just never have ANY sex again.
Believe me, you are NOT a whore, or a slut. Someone STOLE something from you, and even after having that which is most precious stolen from you, you are still a good person. Don’t let the bastards get you down.