81 thoughts on “My mom thinks my depression is two years old….”

  1. thanks Patrick i just re-read over that and realised how much more there is and i started to cry. thank-you so much for your comment it made me feel so much better. i feel as if i am able to help others enough then maybe ill be ok but i dont think i am. im glad that this has made ur day easier to handle and your reply has made mine that little bit better too

  2. To Corine

    I agree with you, to a point.

    All that is true…
    ” You HAVE to have some hope, sme beleif things will wor out, and that you will feel better.”
    But that doesnt come together from thin air. You need things in life, things to anchor you to life, things you love in life, and reasons to stay. Physical representations of those things. “Something to do, something to love, and something to live for.” is how it goes i believe. And if you dont have those you wont have hope, or the belief that things will work out (or that its worth working out), or that you will feel better. If life offers you nothing that makes you feel better for more than just a short time, just the… quick satisfaction of sating a desire, then you wont have those things.
    Its not as simple as you make it sound, and it irritates me when people say shet like that. That is a very blind faith type of thinking.

  3. My depression has gripped me that i know my life will never change.

    My prayer every night is not to wake up, in the morning.

  4. To Michaela:YOU have the right and privilege to change YOUR life. It belongs to you and only you. What would your life look like if you were to change it? Can you make even one small step toward that? In doing that one small step you will have claimed YOUR life.That small step might be as simple as changing your prayer.
    I am grateful for your words. I am not alone any more. Thank You!

  5. finally doing better,
    each person is different. emily’s idea may work you can never be sure. depression is sorta like a trait of thought. if you think ur crap then ur gonna feel like crap. kind of like if you scratch urself it doesn’t really hurt until you notice it. if you keep ur mind occupied then you have no time to think about how much of a fuck up u are or how big of a shit hole ur in. thats kind of what i did when i was in depression. when i was with my friends i was happier more occupied. but when i was by myself, i felt like total hell. just depends on how you go about it. pills may help or thinking about other things. all depends on the person.

  6. Patrick,

    Thank you for being so kind. However, I have tried everything from counseling to meds to whatever you can think of…..and this darkness can not go away.

    But I hear you in that I choose my life and how it is going to be but if you have a heavy darkness,life is skewed. I know I do not see things in the ‘normal’ way.

    But thanking Patrick for reaching out.

  7. Michaela,
    Two pieces of advice that have helped me personally over my many years of recovery after a lengthy period of depression are these:
    Show up.
    Reach out.
    Showing up is your ticket into the process of discovering who you really are. In other words, BE there as fully as you can at this moment in your life.
    Reaching out opens your arms to receive- and to give back a part of what you have received as your payment of what you received. That’s the fun part, giving back is such a pleasure. That is why I am writing on this web site, I am giving back. I am so grateful for what I have received-MY life.


  8. also your grammar sucks. “life is something that you accidentally exist” wtf? (i’m glad you’ve found a way to cope, but don’t pull others down).

  9. I have been depressed since I was thirteen.
    I am now 17, it hasn’t changed much, i’m a lot happier
    now than I was, but every so often I choke up about
    everything that has happened to me. Depression is
    a horrible thing to have. ://

  10. this secret fits me so well…
    i’ve been depressed and suicidal since around age 6. i wrote up wills…tried to choke myself with pillows (but never with any real intent i think..)…cried myself to sleep. it was bad, but it was passive-aggressive- i wasn’t really going to kill myself, i just wanted to die in this, if it happens i don’t mind type way.
    and then i moved, right before 8th grade, and new people, a new place, no friends, making friends, everything just made me spiral downward. ninth grade came, my dad got laid off, my family got worse, more arguing, more money problems, more stress, and i honestly lost it. and i started wondering what the point of life was, why we even bothered living and working and trying for our dreams because it doesn’t matter in the end, we all just die anyway. sophomore year (this year for me) i got worse. i honestly was going to kill myself, for real this time, but i couldn’t do it without saying goodbye to my sister. i wanted to know where she was going to college (she’s a senior) and i wanted to see her graduate and i wanted to talk to her one more time (she was teaching english in taiwan at the time). so i stopped. i waited. and i promised myself that at the end of this year…i’d do it.

    it’s the end of the year. my sister is graduating tomorrow. i know where she’s going to college. and i’m not going to kill myself. its been a long battle, but i’m slowly climbing my way back to a state of non-depression. i was talking to my friend in the fall and his story, his own heartbreak and sadness, it made me see- there will always be someone worse off than you. i knew this before of course, but it didn’t really sink in until i knew someone personally who was worse off. i asked him later, what the point of life was, and he told me that while we all will eventually die, we have time , however brief, before that. and what we can do in that time is help others, help to try and make the world a better place for others so they don’t have to go through the same stuff as us. i kept spiralling downwards for awhile, but then in march i visited columbia university. it was nothing out of the ordinary, a normal college visit like the countless others id been on. and yet…this one, this trip to my sister’s dream college, to a city as alive and vibrant, and amazing as NYC, hearing about the future and the possiblities and what life could be like, it made me wake up.

    i’ve been working on my depression since then. it’s not easy, i still have my stumbles and falls, the times when i cry and feel miserable and alone,and i just want to disappear…but then i think about Columbia, and college, and the future, and what my friend told me, and I smile.

    depression is like a rock, a weight in my stomach, pulling me down, making it hard to breathe. i have my friends and my family and with their support, i can make it disappear. i’ve been chipping away at it since march, and already i feel like i can breathe easier. it’s a long road….but i think i can make it. =]

  11. Good for you, darlin’.

    I hope things keep getting better for you. The only meaning there is to life is the meaning we give to it, and it seems as though you’re on your way. You’ll be the next one with a dream to chase. 😉

    And don’t worry if you start to stumble. The past doesn’t matter so much.

    Today will always be today… And there will always be tomorrow.

    [email protected]

  12. I’m almost 21 and have fought with it since I was like…8. It is a long, hard, road with a lot of bumps–man it sucks. haha But ya gotta try to laugh at some of the things in life. It makes it less intense.

  13. I’ve never told anyone…Its good to know some people have the courage to let others help them. I am still lost.

  14. Deborah: You have that courage too.
    You, also, just told someone -Me and the other followers of Postsecret.
    Thank you.

  15. ha… dont worry. I’ve been living in the so called City of Heroes for 11 years, and I still call it the City of the Dead. I was 6when i came to live to Vukovar, i used to lie on my bed and ask God to take me away.
    Now im 17, about to graduate in high scool (gimnasium), i love Vukovar wth all my heart, and still wish i dont exist. Sweet, huh?

  16. Thank you. So many times we know the answers to our own questions, but most of the time hearing them from our own minds doesn’t do much to soothe us. I’ve been dealing with depression as well for many years, good times don’t seem to last long enough to count. Thank you for the reminder that it is me who is in control of the numbing weight on my chest that i don’t know what to do with. I hope your words continue to resonate in others and i hope this moment of small relief lingers within me as well.

  17. The best of luck to you. I want through a depression stage after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. It was painful. I managed to pull out of it without medication, but some people NEED it. I think that trying to think positive is a good factor, but you should also consider a psychologist, medication, and of course getting a support system. Without my fantastic boyfriend and great parents… I don’t know if I would have made it through.

  18. Dear everyone who is reading this, and wants to kill themselves.
    Don’t. I’d miss you & I love you too much.

  19. Every night I say “Tomorrow you will wake up and be a better person.”
    Every morning I realize not a damn thing has changed.
    I keep holding on to the things I haven’t got rather than fixing the things I do have.

  20. Dear Zax,
    Every morning when you wake up, something HAS changed. This is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet. The possibilities are endless, and perhaps the sky is blue. Please, look out your window. Examine yourself. Each new morning, you start with a clean slate, a blank canvas. Use different colored paint today than you used yesterday.



    a word for you: ”This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” or ”Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” JOSHUA 1:9

    Life isn’t easy, but be corageous and remember that GOD is with you!

    I just want to tell you to not give up!! God loves you. You are meant to do great things and that why the devil want to destroy your spirit with depression. Don’t give in the Devil’s plan to destroy you. Know that God is with you, even if you can’t feel his presence sometimes. If you ever read the bible and read psalms 23 you’ll see that the psalmist trust in God from the beginning where everything is good, and continue to trust him when everything goes horribly wrong . What is remarquable is that God was there, guiding him at every step. at the end the psalmist in the God’s house.
    what we learn is that, it not because you are going through a hard time that God is not with you, he is with you at every step and He is going to use/turn that hard time you’ve been through in something good.

    ”That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” ROMANS 8:29
    ”Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.”

    ”Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good.” or another version ”Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”Romans 12:17

    SOME of the lyrics from the song ”The Words I Would Say” by Sidewalk prophets:

    Three in the morning,
    And I’m still awake,
    So I picked up a pen and a page,
    And I started writing,
    Just what I’d say,
    If we were face to face,
    I’d tell you just what you mean to me,
    I’d tell you these simple truths,

    Be strong in the Lord and,
    Never give up hope,
    You’re going to do great things,
    I already know,
    God’s got His hand on you so,
    Don’t live life in fear,
    Forgive and forget,
    But don’t forget why you’re here,
    Take your time and pray,
    These are the words I would say,

    I’ll be praying for you!

  22. I forgot to add this VERSE:


    But he[JESUS] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I[PAUL] will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2CORINTHIANS 12:9-10

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *