October 17, 2009
My mom smothered me with a pillow to shut me up
I don’t cry loudly anymore
I always wonder why she did it even though she loves me
Category: New Secrets
Sweetie, why don’t you ask her?
my parents don’t even love me
but I’m okay with it by now
my step dad got taken away by the police today for some reason
and they questioned if he has ever hurt any member of our family
my mom bluntly said no
but we all knew she was lying
im upset she didnt stand up for me
I’m sorry about your step father, I went thru alot of the same thing but can say I am a stable independent successul 20 year old despite it. It took alot of courage and strength to learn that you are more than your family and your upbringing cannot define you. Good luck, and keep smiling, if you look hard enough you will always find what you need 🙂
This same thing happened to a friend of mine and her brother when they were little. When my friend asked her mother why, her mother pretended it didn’t happen. When my friend and her brother both confronted their mother about it, their mother told them that it was because they wouldn’t go to sleep. Strangely, my friend’s brother thought, up until that point, that he had just made the whole thing up. Having his mother confirm it just made it worse, in a way.
A few months ago I was babysitting my grandchildren who I love very much. The 2 year old was not having a great day, he didn’t feel good, another child took the toy he wanted to play with… he cried a lot even though there was nothing really wrong… Anyway, after a few hours I lost it.
He had made a mess with some toys and I told him he had to pick them up. We were getting ready for nap time. He ignored me. I told him firmly that he had to pick up his toys. He told me NO, and before I thought.. I spanked him.
It broke his heart…you could tell, but he just kept crying and I put my hand across his face to muffle the sound. I thought if I hear him crying any more I am totally going to lose my temper. So I was holding my hand across his mouth and telling him to hush. Hush! And his nose was running and I realized he was having trouble getting his breath, and I thought MY GOD, what am I doing?! I told him I was sorry, I hugged him and rocked him, and kept saying I was sorry.
But yesterday I did it again.
I never thought I would do such a thing. I love him dearly! I don’t know what to do. Maybe your mom didn’t know either.
That’s very distressing… I think you have done the right thing reaching out. Mayb you need some counselling or something, obviously you are under alot of pressure and your finding it hard to cope.. But you can’t ignore this because tragedies can happen very quickly. How did you cope with your own children?
You are right. I can’t ignore it. I do believe in spanking, and I spanked as a mom. Spanking is a firm swat on the bottom, never before a child is one year old, and then only through the diaper, not on the skin, spanking does not equal beating.
But I’m loosing control. I will check into what counseling is available. And I will do now.
I also agree with spanking and your guidelines are absolutely fine in my opinion. I don’t know you but I can say I am very proud of you for seeking help and not ignoring this, so many don’t see the error of their ways and there are many children suffering. I truely hope and believe that you will get the help and support you need to be the grandmother that little boy deserves. God bless 🙂
I would never have understood this until I became a mom. Forgive her. Either she honestly doesn’t remember because her mind has completely, earnestly blocked it out, or she would give anything to take it back and doesn’t understand why it ever happened in the first place. It’s amazing how easy it is to lose it as a mom, and until you’ve been there, you just don’t understand that it really has nothing to do with you…but she loves you. Infinitely. Believe it, and forgive her.
My mom smothered me with a pillow too, as well as put paper towels in my mouth to shut me up. I screamed/cried 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Shes proud of it, and wouldn’t change a thing. but honestly, If i was her, I would have done the same thing. I ask her about it all the time and she just laughs and says “you were a bitch, you deserved it”.
no one has the right to do that kind of things, my father also bit me up more if i cry, now i cry a lot watching tv or reading this kind of things, donÂ´t worry now heÂ´s paying it, he canÂ´t speak very well
Please develop some coping strategies for the next time this happens. I would leave the room making sure the child is in a safe environment. Or I would change the situation around completely by going outside together, getting in the car for a drive or anything to change the energy in the room.
You sound like a loving grandmother so please do something to make the situation better for you and your grandchild.
To the young woman who originally made this post,
I want to thank you for your bravery. Because of what I read here I had to confront my own situation. Because of your question I realized what I was doing to my grandchildren and how it was affecting them. I told my husband what had happened. He has joined with me in seeking counseling, so that he can help me when I start feeling overwhelmed. We are also spending time in prayer and have others praying for our family. It is helping. I am learning new ways to deal with the anger and I am also able to help my grandchildren find healthy ways to express their frustration. This is all happening because your post made me open my eyes to what I was doing. My grandson was crying, he was disobedient. But he is a child…I am the adult. He did NOT deserve my behavior. I was in the wrong not him. I was the one overreacting.
I don’t know what you mom was thinking or going through, but I do know you can do things you regret, things you never thought you would do, to those you dearly love.
Thank you again for your post.
You are so right MBJ. It is so unfortunately easy to lose control, and I have been there..way too many times. At the moment, I’ve got a 6 year old boy and 3 year old twin girls – it can get crazy, fast. There is something about the sound of a child crying that just hits the right nerve in a mother, like nails on a chalkboard. It’s been shown that this is actually a natural phenomenon that serves a function -it gets a mother to help a crying baby, to put it simply. The thing is, kids learn what crying gets them – attention, and it continues, even when they can communiicate with words. And poor mom’s brain still reacts the same way, requiring tremendous effort sometimes to keep her cool.
What helps me is leaving the room for a minute, and asking myself if it really is important. Most of the time, its not.
Do yourself a favor and get some psyhological help! You can take anger management, parenting classes for free @ churches, etc.
Your insurance will proboly even pay for it!
By the way most children start forming memories by the time they are three.. do you want this to be what your grandson remembers you for?
Most people who end up in prison were horribly abused in childhood.
get help before you kill your grandchildren’s spirit, or worse.
Don’t pass her bad parenting on to your children, no kid’s are “bitches”. Some people should be sterilized before they hurt someone.
My mom taped socks into our mouths to quiet us and spanked us with shoes, belts, spatulas, and extension cords. And we turned out just fine. While i do think she went overboard, i think she was just doing the best job she could. A parent’s job is to love you and raise you — they don’t necessarily have to like you or be your best friend.
I believe she has already stated she is getting help… and I commend her for acting on it so quickly. Prayers are with you… and with the original, and subsequent posters.
While I am glad that you “turned out just fine”… THIS is abuse… and you may be susceptible to continuing the trend if you are not wary.
To “Angelive” – I believe she has already stated she is getting helpâ€¦ and I commend her for acting on it so quickly. Prayers are with youâ€¦ and with the original, and subsequent posters.
please get anger management counseling before you kill your grandchild.
OMG kids do NOT deserve that type of treatment under ANY circumstances as a woman who can never have kids it KILLS me that these people who should NEVER be allowed to procreate can and I cant
My brother did the same to me once. Nobody believed me.
No form of abuse is acceptable. A pillow over the face or anything that can obstruct the airway is potential for death. I believe in spanking but anytime you take measures above and beyond a swat on the butt you have the potential to kill your child. ctz65, would you feel the same way if your mother had held you under water because you wouldn’t sit in the tub? I am very sorry she did those things to you and I don’t believe you are okay if you think that behavior was okay to do to a child. I would recommend counseling to you because you deny it was abuse which means you could have potential to do it to your own child because you think it is okay. My dad used to spank me with a thick metal spatula and I consider it abuse. I only spank my kids with my hand on the butt three times. My two year old gets put in time out because I still think at two she is too young for spanking. I am sorry for everyone of your posts, I can’t understand why mothers or fathers abuse their children in any way. If you can’t love you kid then you need help, you don’t just accept that you don’t love your child. Also Lea I am incredibly proud of you for realizing your mistakes. You are a very smart woman and I wish you luck in your counseling and am so happy you have the support to turn your life around.
I hurt reading this.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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