Every day I go to bed, I always wish I’d die in my sleep
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I wish you wouldn’t think that.
Everybody who loves you would miss you dearly, and it’s a pain that will never quite go away.
ya know, i felt like that for a really, really long time. im talking years. it was scary, you’re so afraid of yourself and you obviously cant ever get away from yourself so you live in constant fear. the only time you get away is when you’re asleep. but even then, when you’re lying in bed you’re all alone with just your thoughts and your thoughts become deadly. tough it out madilyn, something or someone will come along in your life and pick you up. at first itll be just one day that is “less shitty” and then maybe two days. you never know if things will get better unless you tough it out.
i am so glad God gave you that wisdom and i hope he guides you on here to see his wisdom helped me..you should be glad to be the reciever and carrier of his wisdom to help me because i have been in a lot of pain because my family…and i needed that wisdom and only would i fully listen to a person if i knew it was from God……God gave u boldness too!!!! THANK U GOD
also there is a FUNNY section in the BIBLE and it talks abut life being pointless…its called ECCLESIASTES!!! it talks about LIFE being MEANINGLESS….evrytime i find a good point about the WRONGS of life in there and also WH IT SUCKS and i am SURPRISED it is part of the god judging, pure, angry hateful God….its just so DIFFERENT from CHURCH PREACHINGor the sugar coated “EVYTHING IS ALL RIGHT or WILL BE”
why not just pray to or focus on dreaming your dead in your sleep and then wake up ALIVE the next day?
when i sleep too much i feel dead nyway by the time i wake up!!!
i feel this way, everynight. because of my parents.
I feel the same way…i just don’t want to get better.
I was not meant to be on the earth.
I believe in God and I know he never promised a perfect life but
I also pray that I die before I wake.
I know people are trying to help with there comments…but when you are broken on the inside, no outer thing or person can reach you.
I know that from experience.
This is me reaching out to each and every one of the people who have commented on this secret and wanted to have their life come to an end.
I have been in your shoes. I have wondered what the world would be like without me. I have wanted to leave it–But I was worth fixing in SOMEONES eyes, and it came in a strangers words.
So, this is me telling you, I think you’re worth it. Do NOT give up.
And if you ever need someone to talk to, reply to my post.
i have the same thoughts…to never wake up. pass quietly in my sleep.
i feel the exact same way
I totaly know how you feel. If I can pull through, so can you =] good luck =)
What a sad sack, be thank-ful for what you have!
what is wrong with you? how would your boyfriend feel if he knew thats how you thought?
I saw this and thought “Wow if you only knew….this is what I have thought for the past two years of my life. I’m 12.”
Uh…I don’t know what to say..but thank you. You are just some stranger who left a comment. But just saying “You are worth it”. Made me think twice. You must be a lovely person. You don’t know any of these people that think this way, but yet you try to make us feel better. And for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
If you ever feel this way again, feel free to e-mail me.
Tell me all your problems and fears. Honestly it feels better knowing you’re not the only one.
[email protected]
I feel like this most of the times…
Please seek medical help if you feel this way; there is help for you. YOU are worth it!
I feel the same… I have no purpose for being here. It wouldn’t change anyone’s lives if I wasn’t here…
every night for the past 13 years
Your acknowledging Sophie’s comments is and was an act of kindness too. I commend you Taylor.
Too often we don’t take the time to ackowledging the good that people do.
i do too.
i do too. every single time.
i feel the same way i think it makes me even weaker to know i cant do it while i am awake i am a coward and whenever people do commit suicide i wish i had the courage to
Suicide isn’t about courage, Tom. If it would take courage for you to do it, then you know that you’re not too far-gone. There’s still a part of you that’s alive, part of you that’s fighting even if the majority of you wants to let go. To commit suicide means to be so numb that all emotion and fear has melted away and absolutely nothing remains within you… to be so devoid that the only thing you now fear is the eerie calm that has settled within you to fill that clouded void. Fear is what makes you alive. It is not a weakness; it is instinctive.
Embrace it. Take that fear and express it and let it get you so angry that all you can think to say is “Fuck this shit”. Because you should be angry. You should be angry every day that you’re not allowed to feel anything worth feeling. You should be angry every day when you see the world moving around you and it feels like you’re the only one left standing still. You should be angry at every chance of life that passes you by as it lends itself to someone else’s happily ever after.
Fuck that shit.
You are alive and you are breathing and even in those quietest moments you have something in your heart worth saying… worth knowing… worth feeling… worth being fucking heard.
I am alive. You are alive. And this entire world can fuck off, because you and me, babe?… we’re not going anywhere.
Find the courage, Tom. Because it takes more courage to live in this world than to escape it…
We’re not done with you yet.
Very true and inspiring!
I used to be scared of dying..couldnt imagine leaving the ones I love. Now when I think of death I feel calm, it doesnt scare me I welcome it..Its nice to know I am not the only one who has the thought of not waking up
I just saw this and I’m in tears…i posted this sometime in oct 2008. Then in xmas that year i fell in love and I was happy…but we broke up 3months later…Then I succumbed to my depression…I tried with all my might to fall in love again coz it was my new found solution for my depression. I got into two more relationsships ttwn july and october(the biggest mistakes ever)…the last one being the most painful….now I’m back to being depressed and back to praying for my death….and to add more pain to it…all three guys are in relationships…happy. Mayb its my destiny..my fate to be sad & alone
It is your decision to seek answers outside of yourself that keep you trapped, Wahida. Your answer has been with you all along. I can imagine you lying in your bed for hours at a time contemplating all the mistakes of your past, all the maybes and could-be’s of the future, and the way you see the world around you… but the truth is, those thoughts right there are what destroy you. YOU are destroying you, because you’re allowing your unconscious and patterned mind to life for you. Your no longer present in your own life. Depression has the ability to latch on and make it even harder for your mind to detach from itself.
The first step is to listen to yourself – to the thoughts going on in your head. When you feel the self-depricating monologues begin, turn yourself into the observer of your own mind. Listen to your own thoughts and their progression without judgment or adding to them. Then, look down at your hands in front of you and say, “Stop. I am here. I am right here, right in this moment.” Shut off that inner monologue.
Forgive yourself of your past. Let it be past. Say to yourself, “I’m okay. Right in this moment, I’m okay.” Granted, while saying that statement, you’ll be compelled to think, “No, I’m not,” and the inner monologue may try to resurface, but don’t let it. Shut it off as soon as you recognize it. Live your life without judgment… without a past and without a future. Still your mind until there is a break from the thoughts that bind you. Don’t give them voice. Let the silence that fills that void bring you peace because right now – right NOW – this is the only moment you can every live. The past is not yours, and the future does not exist. What you are is this very moment, so feel that moment; feel the wind on your face and every sound that surrounds you and every joke that makes you laugh. That is your life; that is who you are. Surrender to it. There is no future; there is no past. You are right now.
Thank You.
I have read everything there is to read about deppression, and nothing has seemed to help. when i read this advise it actually made since to me actually seems like its not just something someone wrote that they learned in school. Thank You for taking the time to write this advice I am going to work on applying it to my life. I hope others can benefit off this post as well because its very inspiring. So once again thank you.
i was there..i think im better…i feel so helpless not being there to soothe your pain
Sometimes I think the same thing, Rod.
And sometimes I also wish I would die in my sleep. I’ve been depressed since I was 13 and I have social anxiety. I’m almost 18 now.
Each night I go to sleep wishing I will never wake up again.
I have sleep apnorea. Every time I got to sleep their is a risk I will die. Don’t wish it to happen. One day it might
Sami, If I had sleep apnea I probably too wouldn’t want to die in my sleep. I understand you Research is being done on it so hopefully they’ll come up with a solution asap then you wouldn’t have to worry about dying in your sleep
Now, speaking on behalf of my depression….unfortunately I don’t have sleep apnea. I never knew sleep apnea could be a syndrome! Right now,I wouldnt mind having it. I’ve always wanted to die in my sleep.
Me too.
I hope that you don’t, I hope that you feel better, I hope that you can be happy soon
Wonderful sentiment Olya.
So many kind and caring thoughts and comments here. I want to be someone who tells you all thank you for showing me what kindness mankind is capable of in a world of darkness and despair.
thank you, too, someone
I wish the same thing. I guess I’m not the only one. I wish you the best. We live in this Hell together…
I know what you mean. I just wish I could get into some other dimension/reality, because this one just isn’t a good fit for me. Dying’s the only possible solution I know of…
Thank you so much, I just wish everybody knew how good they were and were noticed for what they do. It’s really hard to talk about this, but I’m much happier now. On October 19th I tried to kill myself and I was in the hospital for a week. But as soon as I took those pills I knew that it really wasn’t the answer. I feel like a bad person for trying it but I also know that it makes me stronger. All I want now is to help people who felt the way I did that night.
Taylor,
My name is Jerry and I my oldest daughter is named Taylor.
Your comment really got to me and I hope you find happiness and peace.
“Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but o9nly you can feel the true warmth of it.
Me too. Every single night.
Lara,
You have commented on almost every post here. What gives? Are you a self appointed moderator, or just a kook?
I know exactly how u feel. And it will never get better for me. Hope it does for you though.
Yeah… me too…