I think I hate myself

I think I hate myself

I think I hate myself

… but I feign happiness so much I’m not sure

26 Comments on “I think I hate myself

  1.  by  lost

    Me too. I only just started to realize that I do. I am so busy pretending I am OK and pretending I am happy for other people…. I try to tell myself that I like myself, but I don’t. I want to change almost everything about me and I am so depressed lately, but I can’t tell anyone because they might decide that I am incapable of taking care of my daughter or think there is more wrong with me than that because there are problems that run in my family. Plus, there are already 2 people who want to make me out to be crazy for their own or the same reasons and I don’t want them to be able to feel like they won and really were able to drive me crazy. I am just really sad and down and hate how my life is going and hate the things about me that either make people leave or make it easy for them to hurt me and take advantage of me – not crazy.

  2.  by  broken

    I know. Sometimes I pretend that it’s okay that he goes for days without trying to contact me, without a single word or call or even hello when we pass each other by. When a few days have elapsed, he’ll turn around and say beautiful things to me again, but then I’m left with an empty feeling when I have to wait days to hear from him again, wondering if I’m his dirty little secret or something. and I smile so much when people mention him to me or when he asks me how I am that I’m afraid I’ll break.

    And right now I don’t know where the happiness starts and the pain begins…

  3.  by  Amy

    I can identify with this so much :/
    I pretend to be happy, it’s just easier than admitting anything’s wrong..
    I hate almost everything about me.
    I keep wishing somebody would notice I’m not OK but I know they won’t..

  4.  by  Agrees

    I totally know what you mean. No one really knows how i feel, but sometimes i forget too cause i’m so used to tricking others and myself.

  5.  by  Suzi

    This is me, completely. Sometimes even I don’t know whether my smile is real or fake, because I smile to make other people happy.

    I’m in denial as to whether I hate myself or not. I can’t decide.

  6.  by  Sammy

    i feeel this way all the time.

    im 15. my friends say they look up to me because i am strong.

  7.  by  CL

    “I keep wishing somebody would notice I’m not OK but I know they won’t..”

    If you’re any good at pretending to be happy this could take YEARS.

    Talk to a counselor if you have to, your problems are not unusual.
    There is no need to continue to suffer.

  8.  by  mileage

    I started to hate myself when I made a ton of bad decisions that not only took a toll on myself but also on others around me. I hate that I ran away from what I thought was hurting me when it was really myself. I hate myself because I don’t know how to forgive myself. And I hate myself because I didn’t know who I was or really who I am now. I also hate that I’m awesome at faking.

  9.  by  Chris

    I felt that way since mother died when I was eight.
    But now that I smoke pot everything’s fine.
    And it makes me hate myself just a little bit more for not being able to feel better without any help.

  10.  by  curiositykilledthecat

    I feel that way too. And then I feel guilty because I dont actually have anything to hate about my life, so what am I sad about? I’m afraid to get help because what if everyone thinks I’m being a drama queen and there’s actually nothing wrong with me?

  11.  by  On the Run

    Please don’t do this to yourself. Leave him.
    Since you’re writing this, you know very well where the pain begins, and it is when he comes back.

  12.  by  unknown

    i no exactly wut u mean.. i fake being happy all the time… im to scared to not be happy cuz then ppl wont like me.. and i try to trick myself into thinking that being happy is my true self but as soon as i get home from school im a terrible mean person.. but i dont want ppl to no this cuz i dont want them to think im crazy or need help

  13.  by  secret

    i know how you feel…im not happy with myself..never have even when i was younger i would think to myself on how i could be prettier skinnier maybe a little taller..maybe try being nicer or something anything to be a better person..but here i am 17 years old and i hate looking in the mirror..i hate what i see i hate the person i have become…i feel like a low life sometimes..it sucks..i feel used, beaten, empty, and worthless..i cant tell people..it would upset my friends..and they have no idea all the hateful thoughts i have about myself..i even once asked my bf if i seem like a confident person..he said that i do..if only i could actually feel as awesome as i try to make my friends think i feel :l

  14.  by  ThatOneGirl

    i know how you feel im not happy with myself never have even when i was younger i would think to myself on how i could be prettier skinnier maybe a little taller maybe try being nicer or something anything to be a better person but here i am 17 years old and i hate looking in the mirror i hate what i see i hate the person i have become i feel like a low life sometimes it sucks i feel used, beaten, empty, and worthless i cant tell people it would upset my friends and they have no idea all the hateful thoughts i have about myself i even once asked my bf if i seem like a confident person he said that i do if only i could actually feel as awesome as i try to make my friends think i feel :l

  15.  by  CL

    ThatOneGirl #

    I know this is going to sound hard to believe, but those feelings pass. Most things that bother you when your 17 won’t bother you in a few years. I know its sounds awful to wait but things really do get better. You should have someone in your life you can confide in and be honest with. See a counselor if you don’t trust anyone in your life.

    Being skinnier and taller won’t make you a better person. I know a few skinny tall people who behave miserably.

    IMO life is worthwhile, but don’t let TV and film get your expectations up. Everyone is suffering to some degree. but the good times do come.

    i wish you well.

  16.  by  kb

    me too. i don’t like to be sad. and it seems selfish to be unhappy when my life is pretty good. but if I’m honest I really hate myself. and have no idea how to deal with life

  17.  by  TheNinja

    I feel this way all the time. I try to act crazy and happy like the person my friends think I am, the person they think they know, and they never notice anything wrong. I try to convince myself that I AM the person I am out around other people, but I know the second I get home, I’ll start hating myself again. Then, when they don’t call (and they never do unless they need a favor), I’ll start thinking to myself how if I was thinner, prettier, more noticeable, they’d actually start caring instead of filling me with empty promises. I know it won’t work and that’s just sick and twisted to think like that, but that’s how I feel.

  18.  by  sarah jones

    mileage !? whoa i know how you feel, i know i hate myself, and that i cant forgive myself ! that i wear a smile to make other people happy because they have a feeling i might be unhappy but i dont want them asking questions so i chuck a smile on even tho its fake to keep them off my back ! and in the end i feel shit again !!!

  19.  by  dvd

    I feel the same way. Ive had depression for the past 6 years and im sad all the time. I can laugh every now and then but If i get off track and start thinking about sad stuff im a goner.

  20.  by  14 year old girl

    when i’m with my friends i always act like the strong confident person they think i am, but whenever i am alone all i can think bout is how easy it would be to kill my self. i know i need help but i don’t trust anyone, sometimes i even think my friends are only my friends because i’m smart as i never see them out of school.
    I don’t know who the real me is anymore i’ve got so used to pretendng i’m some one i’m not, i’ve been doing it since i was 10
    i am really scared that one day i might go one step further and kill myself but i’m even more scared that no one will care

  21.  by  kit-cil

    It’s good to know that I’m not the only one

  22.  by  19 yearold girl

    I hate myself so much. I hate when i know i cause someone trouble or hurt them and they have every right to tell me how angry they are. I feel like i deserve to be hurt for being so pathetic. SO PATHETIC. I slap myself since there is no outlet. I can’t upset anyone. I always have to be the strong and patient one. I have to be the good girl. Everyone tells me how they see me going far in my life doing great things. I know im not that. I can barely pass any of my classes. Im half assed in my life. I hate myself. I’m pretty and i hate myself. I look in the mirror and i see a pathetic whinning bitch. I cant even cut myself because im too scared of real pain. I feel like people dont get it. THEY DONT get it…and it hurts so much…id rather be alone goddamnit I dont understand what people see in me…IF i hurt you why do you still want to be with me? Im not good at anything…just good at being a liar and a fuck up…im sorry for all the bad words

  23.  by  The Good Girl

    Im glad im not the only one. Old enough to know I dont hate myself but the choices ive made. The potential ive squandered. Now I am
    the wife, the mother, the big sister, the strong one..and i hate it. I shouldnt, but i hate my life.

  24.  by  Marcy Ross

    Wow, there are a lot of us. I’m not 17 though. I’m 35, and I’ve felt this way for over 20 years. Just started seeing a therapist after all these years, already feeling a little better after 3 weeks. Now I just have to try not to hate myself for waiting so long to get help! I waited so long because I was afraid if it didn’t help I would finally know that nothing was ever going to get better and I would loose all hope. Yeah, I feel like a not for thinking that, but there it is.

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