48 thoughts on “I’m afraid I’ll never find love”

  1. Your wrong.
    Your mother loved you enough to let you live. She loved you more than you can ever know…so much so that she gave you away so you could have a better life than what she was capable of giving you. Your mother loved you so much that she still bares the physical and mental scares of having a child that she may never know.

    You mother loved you more than you will ever know.

    You will find a love and maybe even have a child. At that point you will stop and think about how your mother must have felt knowing that she was never going to be able to hold you again, or watch you meet all the life long milestones. Then, and only then, you will see how much your mother did love you.

  2. I don’t know your situation and I could be way off. I’m assuming that your mother gave you up for adoption here. And maybe she did because she knew she couldnt offer you a proper life. Maybe giving you up hurt her but she knew it was in your best interests. I could be way off but…just a thought.

  3. That statement just crushed me… my wife recently let me and my 1 year old girl.

    i hope im enough of a parent to not make her feel like that.

  4. I hope my daughter never feels that way. I gave my child up because I loved her too much, not because I didn’t love her enough.

  5. My mom left my dad when I was 9 months old, it was the only good thing she ever did for me. I’m sure you will be a great father, and trust me when your little girl is older she will understand just how hard it is for a dad to raise a daughter.

  6. I don’t know your story and I won’t pretend to understand what you are going though, but I can share part of my story with you.
    I was adopted at birth and there was a point in my life where I was very upset at my birthmom for giving me up. Now though, I understand that she gave me up out of love. She wanted to give me the best possible chance at life. If I ever met her, the first thing I would say is “thank you”. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to give up your own child.
    And by the way, you are loved. Jesus loves you. Don’t ever forget that. You are special and important!
    God bless

  7. Which is worse–the perpetuation of the lie that abandoning a child is done out of “love” for that child, or the sanctimoniousness of those who ignore the stated secret in order to drive home this little myth?

    If a mother reported her daughter kidnapped, the world would stop for feeling her “pain and anguish”. But when it involves those not even considered to be valid humans–the poor, the downtrodden, the foreign–then it is a *good thing* that such a mother relinquish her child for adoption. What does this say about the society or culture that fosters such delusions?

    Adoptees who come out of the adoption fog know exactly what is being stated here. Adoption is a violence. A rupture. An abandonment. At least have the decency to acknowledge this woman’s pain, instead of showering her with platitudes that are only to make yourselves feel better, not her.

    Shame on all of you.

  8. Adoption is abuse. Senseless, emotionally violent abuse. Lifelong abuse, as evidenced by the comments here. Not only is the adoptee traumatized, their pain is belittled, invalidated, minimized. The adoptee has no one to speak with, because expressions of pain are ignored or mocked.

    The false “love” referenced in these comments is the worst kind of ignorance, it is equating abuse with love. Telling someone their mother loved them and then abandoned them creates untold pain.

    The newborn separated from his mother experiences untold terror. In response to this terror, adrenaline and cortisone begin to flood the brain, creating a permanent mark.

    Adoption is traumatic abandonment.

    The commenters here should be ashamed of themselves. And ‘guilty mom’ should feel very, very guilty indeed.

  9. It’s an act of desperation, not love, to eliminate a relative from your life forever and possibly never know what became of them. Can anyone name anyone who might not have a “better life” with someone else? Someone with more money or experience or patience or whatever you believe constitutes a “better life”? I can think of many ways in which the people I love might be better off with someone else, and yet I fail to turn my backs on them forever. Am I “unloving” to do what any human being with a choice would do?

    My mother gave me up because she had no real alternatives and didn’t want to ruin the family reputation. She gave me up out of love–for her family, not for me. That doesn’t mean it was easy, or that she wanted to do it; nobody wants to be parted from their flesh and blood forever. But the truth makes me feel a lot more sympathy for her. I can understand what her position and her suffering were like when people don’t ask me to believe preposterous lies about them.

    I have found love a few times, but I’ve never had a child. One reason is that I spent my life feeling that if I did, someone would find a way to take it from me, that I didn’t deserve a child. I kept these thoughts to myself growing up because I didn’t want to hurt my adoptive parents’ feelings, so nobody, not even me, knew they were still directing my behavior throughout my childbearing years. Adoption would have hurt less for me growing up if it hadn’t been entangled with secrets and shame, but also with lies, myths, and fairy tales.

    The poster may indeed have a child one day. And what she’ll probably think is, “I never felt such a fierce love in my life. I would risk anything to keep from losing this child.”

  10. Ya, to say someone gave you up for adoption out of “love” is bullsh*t.

    The statement is what every adoptee feels inside, whether he/she admits it or not.

    Abandonment as a child by your own parents is a traumatic experience that doesn’t end. It is a life-long wound that one never completely recovers from.

    Some adoptees deny that they are wounded. Most don’t feel safe to tell anyone because they are labeled the “angry, ungrateful adoptee”. But the FACT is that adoption is a nightmare not a “fairy tale” for the child purchased to fulfill a childless couples needs.

  11. I understand completely. I’ve been there, done that. It’s an uphill battle through the grief, the loneliness, and anger. It’s hard to trust. Don’t let anyone make light of it or tell you you’re wrong – the feeling is natural. People who haven’t been there don’t understand and mostly don’t even want to know. But hang in there .. love does show up, in many many ways.

  12. No Heather, you’re wrong – wrong about the belief that the choice was adoption or abortion – parenting is also always an option. Wrong that giving a child away is an act of love – people may say that but it doesn’t feel that way to the child. Wrong to tell this person that what they are feeling is wrong – how the hell would you know that and how dare you say it anyway!! This is one person’s personal experience. Also, your spelling is wrong – it’s not “YOUR” wrong, it’s YOU’RE wrong, as in YOU ARE WRONG!

  13. To the writer of the postcard: your feelings of desperation and abandonment are normal. You are not crazy for feeling the way you do. Something tragic happened to you when you were at your most vulnerable, and yet when you dare to whisper your secret, you’re immediately bombarded with fairy tales from strangers:

    – you were abandoned to strangers out of LOOOOOVE;
    – at least your original mother didn’t kill you; and
    – you should be grateful to your “real” parents (meaning only your second or third set of parents, not the first).

    The posters who are pushing their own prejudices onto the postcard sender and judging her for her deepest feelings and fears are going against the spirit and guidelines of PostSecret.

  14. As a fellow adoptee, I completely identify with this. I’ve been there. I still struggle with feeling as though I deserve love. Don’t let others who haven’t been there try to tell you how to feel.

  15. Why is it that the general public always assumes that adoption is some kind of gift? That’ it’s win-win-win?

    It’s NOT.

    When will people start acknowledging that, even in happy adoptions, we adoptees had to suffer the LOSS of our entire identity, family, and HISTORY in order to be ‘grafted’ on to this new family tree. ew.

    I was lucky… Not because of some false notion of ‘my mom gave me up because she loved me’ b.s…. I was lucky because I ended up with parents who didn’t abuse me or neglect me. But that DOESN’T change the fact or somehow make up for the fact that I had to lose LITERALLY EVERYTHING and no one ever even things to acknowledge that.

    The the author of this secret, if you’re reading, I’m with you. And I am so happy you posted this secret… because there are so many other people out there just like us.

    You are not alone.

  16. I will never know what it is like to be an adoptee, but I will forever know what it is like to be a birthmother. Adoption is not something you can package with a pretty bow on all sides.
    Before you all bash us birthmoms consider this…
    Not every person is best fit to raise a child and there are many situations that can be very dangerous for a child. Personally I know if I still had my daughter, I would be on the run worrying about her safety. My daughter will not have to live with a violent drug addict father, instead only I have to.

    Love is in the eye of the beholder.
    I hope you are able to find the strength and love you are searching for.

  17. you may not know me, you’ve never seen my face or talked to me. and even though we’ve never smiled with each other or shared a luagh i want you to know that i love you, i love you as the beautiful human being you really are deep inside. please remember that.

    if you wanna talk email me ([email protected])

  18. Wow. Just wow. I’m completely shocked by these comments. “Adoption should be illegal”? “Adoption is abuse.”? What the fuck. I’m adopted as well, but i decide to be optimistic about the whole thing. Like, you’re alive, aren’t you? I’m actually disgusted by what people are saying. My life now is much better than it would be with clueless high school kids. I’m grateful. I really am. And don’t you dare say shame on us. The people who actually want to see good in others. Seriously, fuck you. All you know is your own situation. Don’t change others opinions just because you want to look at it from a darker perspective. I’m happy and alive. All i would want to do is thank my birth parents. Sure, go ahead and look at adoption as abuse or whatever. But it’s not. It’s sooo not. Yeah, they didn’t want you. They didn’t have time for a kid. Whatever, get over it! They may have been teens and i find it amazing that a teenager would go through with pregnancy so that i could live. I’m so lucky. Maybe you’re just over thinking it.

  19. I am with you Dollie! and i agree with you 100% Seriously. i am not adopted. So i may not know how it feels. but why look down upon it. Obviousley if a Parent feels someone needs to be put up for adoption wouldnt you hope they are doing in the best intrest for the child? They obviousley feel as if the child would be living in worse living conditions.. They couldve had a abortion? you should be greatful to be alive and not be so freakin negitive about this. i am not saying that adoption is a gift, but i definetly dont feel as if it should be illegal or as if it is abuse. Once again i know i dont know how it feels to be adopted or not live with my birth parents but still people, think about what the people who have been adopted and feel as if its a good thing that are reading this. i am sure they read this and say WTF these negitive ass holes, need to be greatful that people are alive and breathing not dead.

    just sayin…

  20. Thank you Dollie, and others who see the great anger and divide in these comments. I read the comments like “adoption should be illegal” “adoption is ABUSE” “Guilty Mom should feel guilty!” and feel such pain and empathy for the anguish and rage that these fellow adoptees are suffering with.

    Yes, this post secret perfectly encapsules my feelings about my adoption from the time I learned about it at age 5 until my late teens. I didn’t know where or whom I could go to in order to talk about my emotions regarding the adoption and my blank ancestry. It took therapy and self-meditation to come to terms with myself and my birth parents’ decision. My adoptive mother also gave me all the paperwork my family had regarding my adoption, including a document detailing my family history, mother and father, for four generations. With this, and the full love and support of my family, I have embraced the heritage I discovered.

    Contrary to the declaration that adoption was “child purchase for childless couples”, in my family adopts children because of love and desire to provide for helpless children. Two of my cousins were adopted, neither of them were told because of the circumstances surrounding their adoptions, and multiple family members are foster parents. My adoptive family had an older biological son, my brother, and decided to adopt in leiu of having more biological children.

    The ignorance, rage and stigma surrounding adoption is what keeps us from voicing and owning our status. Why attack each other? For God’s sake, please take a look at yourself and try to find peace with who you are. And if you say “I don’t know WHO I am, THAT’S THE POINT” you do. It’s the inner parts of yourself, that only self-knowledge and reflection can illuminate, whether adopted or not.

  21. As the adopted daughter, I want to tell you that no matter how one learns of their adoption, there is always a welter of confusing and tumultuous emotions. Anger and sorrow at the birth parents, self-hatred thinking that you weren’t loved, anger at the adoptive family for lying to you, pain that your whole life has changed and being completely out of control of the situation.

    The best hope is that she worked past the initial painful emotions and came to peace with it. She may even be looking for you to find out your reasoning.

    Best of luck.

  22. i wrote on here earlier. a long time ago. stating that i know how you feel about worrying youll never find love because nyoure mother int love you enough to keep you. && by some random chance of miracle. ive been reconnected with my mom. and i live with her now. and weve alked about all of it. and the thing was. she didnt leave because hse didnt love me, she left because she wanted me to have a better lfe than she could provide. and that may have been the case with your mom. i dont think people should hate their birth parents, because as much as we never want to hear it when we dont have them, they usually did have a legitimate reason for placing us wherever they did. it wasnt to hurt us, just to help us in ways they thought they couldnt.

    && you people who are saying that “guilty mom should feel guilty”…
    really people? seriously? so if you got pregnant when you were a teenager, and you gave your kid up so that they could have a better life than you could provide… would you want them or other people rubbing it in your face. rubbing youre biggest regret in your face and constantly reminding you of your fuck ups?! you wouldnt, and youre gonna say you would never leave your kids but if it came down to it, and you didnt have enough money to give your kids clothes or food, would you really let them starve or freeze so that you can say you didnt leave them??? youre really gonna put them through harm so you can keep up your ego? i dont think so. thats not loving your kid.
    you may be in that situation one day, and you wontbe saying guilty mom shoudl feel guilty, because you to will feel guilty as hell.
    so i think you guys need to stop and realize that that could be you one day.

  23. I feel like an ORPHAN… and I HAD a birth mom.

    stay at home mom, we were well-off, only child, everything about my life looked good from the outside.

    She never loved me, never respected me, never has been capable of feeling compassion, or empathy, affirming me, and recognizing me or my right to be. I was some sort of possession or extension of her. To be myself with my own feelings and opinions was an act of betrayal. When she wasn’t belittling me or abusing me she was ignoring me. She is always right, and everything is always about her.

    It was my job to nurture and care for her, guide her, be responsible for her, her emotions, and her marriage, listen to her adult problems, and take her abuse and dismissiveness. She has never paid attention to me unless something was in it for her. She only really ever saw me or heard me, if someone she was interested in impressing, was talking to me. And being a “church lady” doing good deeds, an harmless “innocent” ditz, no one ever saw the truth.

    It’s taken me this long, 43 years, to figure out why despite all my assets, talents and abilities, I had so little confidence in myself, trust in my own decisions, and have accomplished so little. Why the simplest things have seemed so f**ing hard. The years in and out of the mental hospital in my 20s. I just found a book that finally explained it — she has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder…and didn’t, couldn’t give me the basic emotional care that a child needs to have a healthy sense of self.

    In a way, I feel jealous of you.

    You probably had a better childhood than I did.

    People wanted you enough to adopt you, to care for you!
    They loved you.
    You can’t know for sure that your birth mom didn’t love you.
    …and you can choose to believe she DID love you.
    It’s more likely that she did love you. She could have aborted, and she didn’t. It couldn’t have been easy,
    either to go through with the pregnancy, or to hold you once and then give you up.

    I know for sure. My mom has never loved me.

    I have worked so hard to heal and let the love in me shine through.
    The strength and authenticity to be myself…is new, and hard-won.
    To be wise about who is worthy of my love and attention.
    to protect and love myself.

    I absolutely know I am worthy to love and be loved.
    I didn’t learn it from my mother, but I learned it.

    through god’s grace.

  24. I cried when I read this.

    I’m adopted. I love my parents. I love my real half brother who is also adopted by the same family which was a complete miracle.

    I have never felt abused or messed up because of being adopted.

    I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t some things I had to work through being adopted and wondering about my birth mother. But I’m working through them. Have worked through many already.

    I’m not going to pretend my mother felt the emotions of love for me. But maybe she did. After all, I know that she was a drug addict and I would have had a horrible life with her. I am now 21 and at OSU with some amazing friends and a family I am loved in. I do believe love is about sacrifice. She made a sacrifice for me, no matter how little, and therefore loved me. Love is still love no matter how much love there is.

    ‘Guilty Mom’, my heart goes out towards you. You did a good thing and I know of other adoptee’s that are quite fine, have a loving family, and experience love. There is always hope. Thank you for your honesty and love.

    May those of you who are not adopted not make assumptions about it. And those who are adopted, don’t blame your birth parents for things wrong in your life. Have grace on your adoptive parents, they probably don’t know how to handle some things. Show Love, which means to act, not just feel an emotion. Love.

  25. I am adopted, at the age of 17, i was shocked and horrified to read some of these comments. “ADOPTION SHOULD BE ILLEAGL” , what are you people on? If you are put up for adoption it is only in your best interest. I myself was adopted along with my two brothers, not because we were given up but because we were abused. However our family who has adopted us are the most amazing people. I have enever been happier, They are so supportitive, fantastic, and there has not been a moment of my life that has passed by where i have doubted their love for us. My entire family loves me, and i love them to bits. I couldnt be any more grateful for this second chance i was give in life. So i think you people talking about adoption being illegall should be quiet. Yes there are several feelings which come on board with being an adoptee. I mean i get very frustarted at times, and wonder why it had to be me, There are times when the questions fill me up, confusion,anger, and frustration. However, i then look into it and think; everyone has the right to love someone and be loved by someone in their lifes. So, either way something will work out for you.

  26. Thank you, Dollie, for your encouraging words. As an adoptive parent, reading all these comments that “adoption should be illegal” and even the suggestion that I “purchased” my children was becoming extremely painful and distressing. I can only hope that my children do not feel the same way as some of the posters here. I try my best to let them know every day that I love them, fiercely and deeply, and would give up my life before I would give them up. My husband and I feel nothing but gratitude towards the birth mothers of my two girls for making my beautiful family possible. No, we may not share the same genes but I like to think that my family has a connection that runs deeper than that.

  27. Adoption is NOT abandonment. My mother placed my half brother for adoption when she was fifteen because she lived in an abusive home and did not want him to have to grow up there. His father had raped her and she did not want him growing up anywhere near that monster. She could not provide for him at that age. She gave him everything she could: parents who loved him and were prepared to take on the responsibility required to care for a child and a healthy body. I have seen the mental, emotional, and spiritual scars left from this decision. Love is placing the needs of another above the needs of yourself. She had to deal with the hurt everyday of not knowing whether or not her son hated her for what she did, when she was trying to give him everything she could.
    Last year, my older brother found us, and is now an active part of our lives. I love him more than I can say, and my mother feels the same way. He feels the same as the postcard writer at times, and I’m not saying feeling that way is wrong, no one can ever tell you what you feel is wrong, but he knows that my mom loves him and he understands why she did what she did. It WAS out of love.
    Abandonment is not love. Adoption is.

  28. Not being an adoptee i have the view point from a birth mother, and knowing birth mothers who gave up their children for adoption.

    As a mother i definately considered giving up my son, i had a serious drug addiction and spent a good portion of my pregnancy in jail. i considered adoption up until the moment i brought him home. i personally couldnt do that. I felt that even if his father left us i could figure out a way to make myself better and our lives work. there are many minutes, hours, days when i wish i would have given him to someone more capable of raising a child. its harder then people who ARENT parents think it is to take care of, let alone, raise a child. We, my son and I, are lucky.. i managed to stay sober through the pregnancy and continue working hard to stay off that path.

    would you rather the birth mother care enough to give you to a couple who could properly take care of you and give you an actual fighting chance at life?
    Or a selfish birth mother who thought having a child would give her someone who would love her no matter what, or because she didnt want to believe she was pregnant and then it was too late, or a mother who cared more about drugs then feeding her child?
    When i was running the streets i saw TONS of kids who would have been MUCH better off if they had been given to a family. The parents didnt give a single thought what happened to their children.

    Personally if those were my only two options i would be eternally grateful for my birth mother to make A >SINGLE RESPONSIBLE CHOICE< in a slew of terrible decisions.

    Im just saying…. it doesnt make sense to punish a child for your poor choices if you have the opportunity to give them a better chance.

  29. As an adopted son, I want everyone to know that the only truth is that adoption is different for every individual involved. No birth parent will have the same impetus for relinquishing their child and no adopted child reacts the same way to the news that they are adopted. I can only offer my personal anecdote that adoption is not inherently bad. I don’t remember not knowing that my parents were not my birth parents. They made it so matter-of-fact, that is became just that: a fact that had no bearing on me. They always impressed upon me and my siblings that love is what makes a family and there was no shortage in my family. When I tell people I am adopted, people inevitably ask if I have ever tried to find my “real” mom/dad, and I always say that I know exactly who they are: the people who were there for me for every moment of my life that I can recall, the people who loved me when I was good and loved me when I was bad, the people who encouraged me to be myself and loved me for it, the people who gave me their last name and a family. I don’t know who my biological donors are, but I have nothing but thanks for them letting me go and wish them nothing but the best in their own lives. I also have no interest in meeting them. Not out of spite or hate or reciprocal rejection; just because I have a mom and dad and don’t need another. Thank you to all the birth parents who are brave and selfless enough to allow their children a chance at something they could not offer. Thank you to all the adoptive parents who are brave and selfless enough to know that biology is not parental love and that love shared has the power to change lives if you give it the chance.

  30. I feel driven to comment on this.
    To all those people decrying abandonment, I offer you this scenario. Say there is a 13-year-old girl. She gets pregnant. I defy you to tell me that that baby would have a better life with a child than it would with another loving family…
    Please enlighten me on this, I dare you!

  31. I am sorry you have these feelings, secret poster. Its hard coming to terms with them. I was not adopted but I felt that way for years because my mother is abusive. I have to have therapy and my husband went through hell but he stood by me for 8 years so please don’t give up hope. The very best advice I can give you is to be the absolute best mother you could ever be to your own children. And find someone to help you cope with your feelings who understands. Learn to love yourself. It makes a difference in a relationship.

  32. Thank you to everyone that stood up for children, birth mothers, and adoptive parents. When I read all those mean comments about adoption being abuse and making it illegal, I bawled. I hope my daughter never feels like I abandoned her and like I don’t love her.
    Choosing adoption has been one of the most difficult decisions of my life. How can I possibly know what life she will have with her parents or with me? There’s no crystal ball or magic mirror to show me the future. I only know that I feel like I’m doing the right thing.
    My daughter will be raised knowing I am her birth mother. She will have two parents that love her immensely, and she will have all the opportunities in life that I can’t give her. I can only hope she will understand. Her parents love her; I love her; her birth father loves her. She is the most beautiful and most precious blessing in all our lives.

  33. I hate when people always assume that mother’s who give up their children love their children so much to “give them a better life.” My mother gave me up because she loved herself more than me, not because she wanted better for me. She didn’t love me enough to get her life together and to take care of me. What people should be telling you is that you should love yourself even more because somewhere out there is a woman who can not love herself any longer because she couldn’t show that love to her child.

    In a way, I am thankful that she gave me up, because it ensured I would never inherit her selfishness and inability to put others first. HANG IN THERE and LET those around you love you! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

  34. I feel the same way. My dad left me ten years ago(I was ten) and hasn’t spoken a word to me since. It makes me feel worse that it was that easy for him to do after he’d known me for 10 years.

  35. The Zayd-

    You are a Rupture and a Violence. You would rather a meth-head or a woman who can’t stand on her own two feet due to laziness be granted the PRIVILEGE of raising a child? You are so stupid and ignorant. That child would probably grow up trying ANYTHING to get the approval of that mother, but that child would never get the love and the care that he or she needs because some people aren’t fit to be parents. Those people who aren’t know it, too. Adoption is an option given to mothers who can’t take care of their children. To mothers who let their children live. To kill a child is an option these days, you know. Anytime a mother doesn’t want a child she can always abort it. Adoption is knowing that the mother wanted the child to live and to have a chance at life and knowing that she wasn’t capable of giving the child that chance. Mothers that WON’T take care of their children are left with broken families, dead babies, or child services on their door steps.

    Shut up and don’t insult such a wonderful thing as adoption.

    To the person who wrote this post.- Maybe she did it for you or maybe she did it for herself, but she granted you life by letting you live. Be grateful and thankful for that. And be thankful that your birth mother gave you the opportunity to live with people who WANTED you desperately. Think about the parents who raised you and how much they went through to get you. You are LOVED.

  36. Oh and some of you who commented by telling your adoption stories and your should have been adopted stories. I love you so much for telling this person those. You make me want to cry.

  37. OMG, im 13 and you guys are trying too send the message that adoption is bad, well, FUCK YOU… i love being adopted, and i dont know everyones story, but i have hard times yes.. but omfg, i loove my parents to death, i wouldnt be me if it wasnt for them!! my family is OUTSTANDING, like they aare hilarious goof balls and if i meet my birth mom & maybe birth family all ill be saying is thank you so much for giving my the gift of being adopted into an amazing family, and thank you for loving me, i love you!
    you who think adoption is bad, plzz do some more resurch on it.. its not that bad. i get mad fun of it at school, but i mean, looking at thease comments made me cry. how can one discribe how much i dispise those who commented on here negativly and im a 13 YEAR OLD!!!!! like GROW UP!!! and all those commenting here who are adopted, Iloveyou! your an amazing person, and if you ever need to talk just msg me , ([email protected])


  38. Adoption is in no way abuse. My fiance is adopted, because his birth parents knew that they couldn’t support him and give him the lifestyle they wanted him to have. Yes, adopted people have problems and feel neglected and abandoned sometimes, but think about how hard it must be for the mother to give up her child. Sometimes it is what is best for the child. His parents weren’t drug addicts or lazy; they were in college, and didn’t have the ability to support a child. I thank God every day that his parents gave him up for adoption, because of that, I got to know him. Adoption is in no way abuse, and it definitely should not be illegal. Not all parents who adopt are abusive and neglectful. Some actually take really good care of their children.

  39. I turned twenty just a couple of weeks ago and have over the last four years watched numerous amounts of friends start their own families. Watching them makes me feel guilty. Guilty because I hate them for it. My mum walked out when I was a few months old and I have the same fears as you. I always run from relationships before they walk out on me because like you I feel like if my mother couldn’t love me who will. I’#m too scared to have my own children own day because I’m afraid, petrified, that I will do something like her and I never want to have a child feel like I do. But writing this makes me realise that I have to let go of this fear. At the end of the day the woman who gave birth to me I don’t know, she might of done it out of love, she might of just been acting of selfishness, but, I don’t want the next twenty years of my life spent breaking my own heart. Because at the end of the day whatever reason she left for, she did, and although there will always be a part of me that believes it was because of me I know logically that as a baby I had no control over the situation I was born into. I refuse to let someone who I don’t even know control my actions and feelings. It’s time to trust people because although that one person might of left me I have great people in my life who love and care about me and from now on that will be enough.

  40. You have every right to feel however you feel although I’m sorry you feel unloved and have lost all hope of finding any love….I pray everyday that my babies don’t feel this way, they were adopted by my rich sister i hardly know to keep them away from their dad’s family who was molesting my daughter and abusing my son….I was a stand up mother who loves my kids more than life itself which is why they are safely tucked away from the evils i knew of because I love them so much…

  41. I feel the same exact way except my father left me and I have never found a real man to love me for me!! and so i just feel like since my dad never loved me its not a man on this earth that will love me…

  42. My mother left me alone with my dad to become a prositute. I think I would have preferred to live with her then to be raped every night for 7 years.

  43. I was 14 when I got pregnant and was determined to keep and raise him. My parents talked me into adoption. I cried every night of my pregnancy…I kept a diary to give to him so that he would know that he was loved by me and I made him a birth certificate with my chosen birth name on it. I chose the parents who adopted him and when he was 19, we found each other.

    Was his life perfect? No. Was it miles better than I could have given him, emotionally, financially and spiritually? Absolutely.

    Adoption is not abuse. And not every birthmother gives up her child because she’s a drug addict or living in a terrible situation…some simply know, not think, but KNOW, that they don’t have the maturity to raise a child and that the childs life will be so much harder, even with the turmoil that being adopted brings, if they are raised by a teenager who has no foundations and no stability to offer.

    I raged against my parents; in the end, I made an informed decision. The most difficult of my life. I kept him in the hospital with me for 2 days and kept the pillow I fed him on. I still have his pacifier.

    It’s not easy for either of us, but what I did MOST CERTAINLY was not abuse, you troglodyte. It was borne of love and still continues to be love and furthermore, he is 22 now and he knows I love him.

  44. Would it have been better to abort the pregnancy… the child? Is it a greater love to end up homeless and both mother and child starving? Is it better to stay in an abusive relationship with a baby? Please, do tell. I’d love to hear how my choosing (and meeting) a family that would love my baby was abandonment and cruel, as opposed to the choice I made for my boy.

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