33 thoughts on “I don’t know which I am”

  1. You don’t have to be one or the other.

    If you’re talking gender, you can form a solid identity of being ‘genderqueer’ or ‘genderless’ or pick up an ethnic third gender, according to your own preferences.

    If you’re talking sex, one in fifty people are born intersexed. There are crude methods for assigning gender or sex in both situations, but don’t think you have to take only society’s options.

    You don’t even need to decide on a solid state for your gender. Gender and sexuality are more fluid than people believe, even if they’re not chosen. Don’t let others force you into a box that doesn’t fit.

    It’s hard, but if no one makes the stand, people will always be forced into those boxes.

    I hope things work out for you.

  2. “Anonymous” That was an awesome response. I agree 100%.

    Don’t try to fit into society’s perception of anything – it will only make you less yourself. All these restrictions put on us by the mainstream only hurt us in the end.

  3. Thanks, Kate. I have some friends who are going through this right now, and I’ve actually been through the debate with myself. I’m not assigning myself a label right now. It makes certain things inconvenient, but I think it’s important in the long run.

    And my boyfriend is totally cool with it, so don’t worry that romance will be out of the question if you don’t decide.

    I keep the name “Anonymous…” on this site, just so you know. It’s likely me if it’s been posted under that exact name.

    Good luck to the writer of the post card.

  4. It’s okay, you can be whoever and whatever you feel you are. My boyfriend is a female to male transgender, his family, friends, and I have supported him throughout his transition. Don’t define yourself by your body parts, or how other people percieve you, but how you identify yourself. And sex isn’t binary, if you don’t thinks you’re transsexual don’t pressure yourself to fit into a category you don’t. You define yourself, not your sex. Just know there’s nothing wrong with you, whatever you are, transsexual or otherwise, just know that you have options, and that there are thousands of people who are like you and others like myself who support you. We’re not hard to find.

  5. Good luck to you on your search for yourself. You will figure it out. Just remember, labels aren’t always needed, so only worry about it if you *want* a label.

    Oh, and to those who commented it’s so nice to see such acceptance and compassion (off- not sure what you don’t understand???)

  6. What great, loving answers. I hope the author, as well as anyone else with this issue can read these responses.

    I love you postsecret.

  7. Took me a long time. Even now, I am atypical. But what others think doesn’t matter. Just follow your instincts.

  8. I Know what you mean I feel the same way, the best thing to do is be what you feel at the moment, don’t think on it so much. wear what you want when you want, talk how you want, you’ll start to gathering you’re self in you head. Understanding your personal identity is hard, but it’s just that personal, shape how you see yourself as feels right. No one else’s opinion matters…. not even mine own!!!

  9. Went through the same thing. Got a lot easier when I found out that there are people who can understand and support me, and even people who feel the same way.

  10. I know that’s meant to be a sarcastic response, but it’s way more complicated than that. Making light of it can be super hurtful. I know for a fact people with such a complex internal struggle wish it WAS that easy. Be respectful.

  11. I get this, I really do. I’m Genderqueer, but on forums, for college, and schoolwork and whatnot, I never know what to check, because there is no “other” I’m seventeen. Telling my parents isn’t an option yet.

  12. …I posted this almost 7 months ago.

    I began identifying as genderqueer this july — forgetting I had posted this.

    I came across it just now. Your comments gave me hope in my struggle when I was planning to commit suicide this week.

    Thank you, whoever you all are.

  13. I don’t want to post my email address in a public forum, but I’d like to give it to you somehow. I was suicidal for four years, and every once in a while, it was my net friends who saved me. I would like to be there for you. I’ve gone through the process of self-searching to find my identity. If you’re going through any other struggles, I’ve been through family problems, bullying, an abusive relationship, a friend’s rape, and a number of other issues, so I can probably understand to some extent what you’re going through.

    Is there some way that I can give you my email address so you can contact me if you need someone to talk to?

  14. I don’t care
    which one you are
    just that you’re satisfied
    with yourself

  15. It is a relief to know I’m not the only one. It is very confusing, I agree, but when I decided I wouldn’t place myself in either box it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

    I was born a female, but I’m strongly considering removal of certain female parts to make my life easier. That said, I don’t want to add a penis.

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  17. I don’t know if anyone is reading this, 7 years later, but I’m still here. I’m here and my name is Grey. I was going by Teagan in high school but, I’m Grey now. I graduated college. I am dating the same person now as I was then. He loves me. I go by they. I am so happy, and I am alive. If you see this post and you scroll to the bottom, know that I had to trust my teenage self to know who I really was. It is not a phase. It is not seeking attention. Be who you are. Love yourself, how you truly are, and happiness will come.

  18. Wow, go Grey! If that’s really you and you’ve made it through all this, 7 years later, that’s amazing. I hope you’re happy and follow your own vision, trust your heart. It knows you better than you’ll ever know.

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