27 thoughts on “Despite how much tolerance my parents tried to teach me”

  1. that is wrong, i used to wish my dad was a drag queen, because at least he could interact with me then, on a level….

  2. Hey, I know how you feel. My father is transgendered and it took me a really long time to get used to it, but we love them, right? What else can we do but accept our parents for who they are and what they’ve done for us, how they’ve always been there. You can ask your Dad to not dress up around you as much, and that it bothers you. Talk it out with him.

    Its hard. I always felt like thats now how my Dad was supposed to look, because I will always remember him as how he looked when I was younger, more manly and father-like. But he’s no less of a father no matter what he wears. Hopefully you can see it soon, and good luck.

    olivialeann, you disgust me.

  3. I hope someday someone doesn’t tolerate something about you, and then maybe you’ll realise how wrong it is to be so intolerent and ignorant.

  4. Of course I still love him. And I hate that it disgusts me. He even left my family and me over it for a month!

    I think it disgusts me and I hate it so much because it’s easier than worrying about if he’s going to leave my family again.

  5. My parents don’t know that I know. I’ve seen the photos, and found the magazines. But finding those photos habve shaped me with what I like…sexually….Fine, you may see that as sick, but I was introduced into a whole new world, one that really interested me. So I’m gonna stick with it.

  6. Wow ok if you say that it is ok to like the way your parents are when they are like messed up that is disgusting i am sorry that is just wrong!

  7. My dad is living as a straight man with my stepmother. I have found many things he’s done online, including what I consider online cheating. But what makes me be relate to this post is that on his adultfriendfinder profile he identifies himself as bicurious, and has written that he tried on my stepmom’s pantyhose and is curious about guy-on-guy oral. Thinking about what he’s doing on the computer while my stepmom’s at her office working to make money for both of them makes me feel sick.
    When my mother discovered I’d hacked into my dad’s email, she told him, and I’M the one who got in trouble and was punished. Even though he cheated. He claims he told my stepmom but since I’m not allowed to talk about it, I have no way of knowing, and I’m pretty sure he lied to me.
    I’m 16 and while I’m trying to navigate growing sexually and in romantic relationships, I have to deal with knowing all this shit about my dad.

  8. You don’t have to be okay with everything…it’s not like she’s using violence. chill.

  9. I’m 15 and my dad’s been dressing in drag, suffering from MPD, and been through chemotherapy.

    My dad’s also bicurious, and to be honest, i really do NOT wanna knwo what helooks at while the rest of us are asleep.

    He doesnt have the balls (no pun intended) to actually look at those things during the day.

    :/ I guess we’re on similar pages here.

  10. oh yea that’s going to make her feel better! Sometimes it really bothers me when my father dressed in drag too, but if anyone said it was “sick” I would want to punch them in the face

  11. I know how you feel my dad would never leave us, but sometimes I wish he would. Does that make me a horrible person? I try so hard to understand him, but I sometimes don’t get why my mom stays with him. How can she be in love with a man who dresses like a girl?

  12. you mom loves him for the inside not the outside who cares what people look like love them for who they are. grow up a little and see that.

  13. This secret has nothing to do with the poster being unloving towards their father. If something is revealed in a family which throws the accepted equilibrium you cannot excpect the child or partner just to shrug their shoulders and just go back to their book. Of course it doesn’t change who the person is, of course it doesn’t change their love for their parent but they are forced to view their parent in a different way and it can be extremely confusing and it can be extremely tormenting because there are so many questions one wishes to ask, so many emotions surrounding finding out a person you care about hasn’t been “honest” and you don’t know where to direct them for fear of being seen, as many people here are seeing, as being unloving, unsupportive or prejudiced.

    Even if you are brought up with openess in the family – if this poster was brought up from day one knowing their father cross-dressed – can you imagine what they went through at school? Can you imagine how much THEY had to learn about THEMSELVES and shape themselves to be? I wouldn’t ever think its “disgusting” to wish every now and again for a “normal” family.

    Of course every person has a right to express themselves and I support that but, obviously, it will effect more than just that person even among love and care, respect and support mental conflicts arise. The poster obviouslt has the fears expressed earlier of being judged for their confusion, for their occasional wish for “normality” and here are those fears confirmed in so many of the responses.

    I hope you find someone you can open up to. Keeping these feelings buried inside you will lead to you resenting your father. Talk to him, you know how better to approach him than anyone here – he is your father. I’m sure he has had his concerns over how it has affected you, tolerence aside, and would rather know than find out years later when damage is done and you are distant. I’m not saying stop him by any means from doing what makes him happy, but making him aware can’t be a bad thing in terms of him being more sensative to you around your friends and partner.

    Parents do want the best for their children and we want the bet for our parents. But nothing is ever achieved without communication even if it is hard.

  14. lol no worries it is, afterall, your dad
    you’re not supposed to want to think of him as a sexual being – gross! :P, so it’s not weird that you don’t like his gender being brought to your attention by dressing as the opposite sex (presumably the one you’re attracted to)
    even if you don’t like men in drag in general, that’s your taste, you can’t help it and as long as you’re not hateful towards them it’s ok, in fact if that’s the case it could just be because it reminds you of your dad in drag lol

  15. I like crossdressing too. There isn’t anything sick about it. *shrug* It’s just a sexual thing. As for transvestites who feel the need to dress as women, I have no issue. I have never been gender bias. Maybe because I was such a tomboy. Who knows.

  16. I think you’ll learn to deal with it. It just will take time. Your mom can love him because his soul is what make his outside beautiful to her. It is difficult now because he isn’t fitting this stereotype for a “normal” man. But really, there is no normal man. It is just what is right for you as a person. Not what is right for society based on your gender. It might be best to try to discuss things with your dad and try your best to keep an open mind. See a counselor if you have to. Don’t lose someone you love over this. Don’t stifle him because you are having difficulties, since I am sure he would do his best not to stifle you. Check for support groups online or something. Best of luck.

  17. I understand, and feel so sorry for you! I had something pretty similar happen to me – my dad “came out” as a woman when I was nineteen. My parents’ 26-year marriage was destroyed, and my mother has left the country. Hard as it is, the only way to move forward is to talk to your parents about this, and a counsellor if you can.

  18. My dad was too terrified to tell us he was transgender. I found out when i was 15. The next day was just a normal day.
    Gender doesnt change the way you feel.

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