Comments on: Closet Depression

By: didgit

didgit — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 18:59:18 +0000

To anyone who will read (almost 6 billion people in the world…..how come im all alone)
why do i care cant I just stop feeling (sociopaths have a big adavantage over the rest of us) I can feel what I’m doing to everyone around me and I hate myself because I can’t stop. Am I empathic? Self absorbed? Or just A chemically unbalanced misfiring synaptic mess looking for that euphoric dopamine overload cure all. I Have gotten so tired physically and mentally. I can feel my body falling apart and I don’t know what else to do with myself. I can’t stay focused on anything long enough to see it completed (jobs, relationships, finances). I always go back to the drugs. I need help but I don’t know where to get it, Tom told me I was making a big mistake by going into rehab he feels like you and he will have to pick up the tab again to take care of Anne and Alex because I wont have a job when I get out. I stopped the orientation process and decided keep working, but its not working. Its getting very dark in here. Days are starting to blend together between 24-36 hour sleep binges, manic phases where I feel immortal for short periods of time. I don’t even know what day it is most weeks. Friday and Sat are my only connections to reality but im seeing the same patterns emerge at Alameda, Co-workers developing a lack of confidence in my work. Ive been here so many times, how much longer will I have this job when I don’t care anymore about myself? Or the quality of my work. My marriage has dissolved into a joke destroyed by the baggage that we both have brought to the door, and now it has become an excuse to get as much out of me as possible before one of us gets a lawyer I keep avoiding all resposibilty. Im falling down and I don’t want to be anyone’s burden anymore. Why cant I get out of bed to do anything meaningful…………………………….like live! Please god help me.

By: Hopnob

Hopnob — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 20:11:26 +0000

The product, speaking literally, is beautiful.

By: unknowen

unknowen — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 04:57:21 +0000

I personally love this and yet I have a similer secret,

when I was young I cried all the time because I had no friends,
now I cry because I think I had depression.
which is sadder?

By: Emmy

Emmy — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 18:22:33 +0000

I agree completely. It’s so frustrating, but I feel like I am way more creative when I’m sad.
I love being creative; but I have become one of the happiest people I know, which I guess is a good thing.

By: LivingInWonderland

LivingInWonderland — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:02:40 +0000

I loose myself so I don’t loose the people I love who love me back. Now I question, whats the matter when it will all be lost eventually?

By: LivingInWonderland

LivingInWonderland — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:00:11 +0000

When I’m depressed and self destructive, I do and create some beautiful things. They are my own attempt to counteract the misery in me. Those things, whatever they may be tend to get a lot of positive attention. Every bit of praise I get gives me reason to continue these self destructive ways. That short period of happy is worth the pain and stress I soak in to create it. Needless to say this never ends well. It’s sad because when others know I’m not well they tell me they love me. They give examples of the great person they see in me, reasons why they are proud of me and why I should be proud of myself too. If they knew the truth behind the beautiful person they see in me, they would loose their respect for me. I fear they would even question the love they have for me. I loose myself so I don’t loose the people I love me who love me back. Now I question, whats the matter when it will all be lost eventually?

By: letsgetreal

letsgetreal — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:48:44 +0000

By: anon

anon — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:23:22 +0000

i went from depression into loneliness
i’m not sure which one is more appealing.

By: Cuppy

Cuppy — Mon, 25 May 2009 10:24:23 +0000

I understand. My closet was my sanctuary. I used to cut, cry, laugh and sleep in that closet. I still won’t buy a house without a nice closet for me.

By: arcadilia

arcadilia — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 20:25:03 +0000

I do my best/most interesting work when I’m depressed. I miss that. When I’m happy I can’t create.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 05:21:53 +0000

The picture is beautiful.

By: me

me — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:08:23 +0000

I’m 27 and sometimes when I get really depressed I get the urge to cry in my closet. My closet was my crying place growing up.

By: letsgetreal

letsgetreal — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:49:57 +0000

we’re out there. No better place than the privacy of your own closet i guess.

By: letsgetreal

letsgetreal — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:49:19 +0000

this made me smile, i don’t know what it is about your choice of words. Thankyou.

By: huh..

huh.. — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 03:53:25 +0000

i thought i was the only one…

By: Jade

Jade — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:39:33 +0000

Hope you’re finally free.

By: Comenter

Comenter — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 01:21:33 +0000

I think thats pretty cool! not that you’re sad, but what you can create while being sad. I can only imagine what you can do when you’re happy.

By: briana

briana — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 01:20:34 +0000

love this <3