December 22, 2008
I only cry when I’m drunk….
I’m terrified this is the only time I feel emotions.
but I’m more scared of not feeling anything, which is why I still drink.
Category: New Secrets
Tags: alcoholism, drunk
Who drinks? Is this the guy or the girl talking???
(to mlic) how is that relevant?
I feel like this is my secret. I drink every day because I want to feel emotions, and I can’t feel emotions unless I drink.
If you don’t drink for a 2 months everything will fall back into place. you will have normal emotions. crying when you are drunk is not having emotion…it’s just being emotional. I spent 2 years living this way. I truly believed this. I’m not in AA or anything else. I just quit drinking when i realized how much this was controlling my life. my thought process. for the first couple of weeks it sucks but when you actually hang out sober with drunks you start seeing things differently. when people have “heart to hearts” its rather annoying. drinking is not who you are. alcohol is what it wants you to be. good luck.
I am a herion addict– well that was my drug of choice. Really all i wanted was anything to take me out of myself. After several failed attempts at cleaning my life up, getting off the ‘hard’ drugs (through trying to detox myself anddd going to in and out patient rehabs) I’ve finally gotten over a month with out using any mind altering substances. Sometimes its hard, other times its not so hard. And i know i could not do it with out the Narcotics Anoymonus program. NA helps me stay clean everyday. Now im not saying your an alcholic or you need to go to AA. But i know i’ve felt and done similar things to not feel, or to feel anything and thats what helps me. I know that over a month clean doesnt seem like too long, but while i was using i couldn’t go a day with out using… so to me its a miricle and i’ve seen quite a few in the rooms of NA and AA. i wish you the best with all you do. and i hope my experience can help someone else, because it was a struggle for me to use, and its a stuggle not to use. and many people can relate to the pain.
i definitely feel you on that. sucks, eh?
no one is getting this, i realize. whoever made that— he or she doesn’t FEEL. i’m gonna go out on a limb and assume it’s a girl here, ha. she doesn’t drink to not feel, she doesn’t do it for the numbing effects– it’s so that she CAN feel– happiness,sadness,etcetera.
perhaps her walls are built up so high, she can’t even scale them anymore.
i know the feeling.
I feel exactly the same way. I’m a man, and since I hit puberty I haven’t been able to cry almost ever unless I’m really drunk.
Not an emotional person. Nor am I a drinker past the occasional beer. Because of a long story I dont care to explain, my mind associates control and emotion together. If there is no emotion, there is control. Its ingrained that emotion equals a lack of control. I KNOW that its not neccesarily true, but I made that association when I was quite small. Things like that tend not to go away. Anyway, back to topic…never did getting around to finding an outlet.
Agreed, I’ve been clean for over 2 years and I feel better. Which doesn’t mean I feel good all the time, it means I am better able to feel my emotions. The solution for me was in the 12 steps of NA. Give them a try, you have little to lose and everything to gain.
I understand completely. I don’t drink often but when I do I can actually feel. Other than the times I have drank, I haven’t felt anything strongly in over 4 years
I drink because it makes me not feel emotions. It makes me black out, sleep with strangers, drive drunk and lose respect. But it’s all worth it not to have to feel the pain of my life not being what I want it to be.
right there with you. im more likely to cry about a guy than i am at a funeral 🙁
i’m not an emotional person. i tend to be sarcastic, funny and have a dry sense of humour. recently when i drink i cry and cant stop. i no longer feel like the tin man (or woman) but it hurts. a lot.
I drink and/or do drugs to not feel any emotion at all. With everything Ive been through, drugs and alcohol are the only things that make me forget and actaully be able to have a few moments of almost contentness, and while it sucks to have to rely on that to be ok, being sober hurts tooo much :/
yeah get sober and you’ll feel emotions you don’t even know existed. Even though it hurts A LOT its wonderful and you learn to embrace negative feelings and memories without destroying yourself and those around you. One wish….every alcoholic would have the opportunity to try AA. it has saved my life
sometime after i quit drinking, all my emotions i had been pushing down since 13 caught up with me. with guidance from some close friends, i am now able to handle life on life’s terms, instead of always turning to alcohol.
fuck that. fuck emotions and fuck crying when u drink. I am not an emotional guy. But get me drunk and i am either the jolliest or the angriest fucker around. Not a crybaby tho. Stop fuckin drinkin
Yes, I get that train of thought!
I have learned to be a master of “being on stage”
As a child, I learned to bury or mask my pain. Any abuse or pain was a secret. I became skilled at being the child who was always smiling, always pleasing- a peacekeeper in a large dysfunctional family. it fucked me up- not right away;
I managed to be an overacheiver in late high school years and college; but it caught up with me eventually.
People would say ” Wow, she had so much promise” or “She married well; started her own business, did well in school, married an amazing guy” blah, blah blah.
Then came my early 40’s. An era of “Wow, is this all there is; is this all I am?”
I’ve been involved with AA since I was 39.
It’s been helpful in some ways, but not in others.
AA helps me realize my issues with drinking don’t make my problems better, it makes them worse. I am still a participant in the Human condition;
AA doesn’t solve this nor does it include it in “the promises”.
I am now looking at being 50 years old with a granchild on the way. I too, felt for many years, I could not feel unless I drank.
I have learned how life can be.
I have to sit with the bad, crappy feelings;
but I don’t get it yet. I go sometimes one or two year sober; but sometimes only a few weeks..I like your question but have no answer…
After I returned from Iraq, being drunk is the only time I feel anything. I cry a lot when I drink alone. I don’t like the wrung out feeling the next morning, but I feel like I owe it to them to feel something.
For me, drinking is not the problem….its the solution.
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