November 22, 2008
Sometimes I wish I never had her….
… then I wouldn’t have to deal with her father, and court.
Category: New Secrets
Tags: children, parents
I bet she is glad you had her. Stop being so selfish.
you dont know what i’ve been through with her father. its not selfish. my life and hers is screwed for forever because of the shit he did to us.
Just do your best not to take it out on her, she doesn’t deserve any more heartache as she grows, I’m sure the pain from her father will be enough. Don’t regret your past just be there to make a better future.
im sure dat all d happy tyms uve had an will have will outdo d crap tyms..n am sure dat when u look in to her eyes n c alll dat luv she has 4 u it makes up 4 it..nevva feel dat ur child was a mistake…itl hurt her more den u..jus 4get d past n focus on ur future!!!
I understand completely..
I had a daughter when I was 17.. and sometimes I hate the decisions I made… I somtimes wish I werent a mom, and hate that I have to struggle and her dad is still scting like a kid.
I respect u for being brave enough to be honest about your feelings, and I KNOW it doesnt make u a bad mother!
Look to the future. and hang in there. Remember how amazing ur child is and that YOU created her!
Your honesty and bravery is amazing. You’re not a bad person or a bad mother for admitting this secret.
I’m scared my mother thinks the same way about me.
This makes me sick.
Because I know my mom feels the exact same way…
I hate to say this but… i hope he wins. You’re a sore winner. Your sick and selfish. Sounds like he cares…
I’m that father…
the one that is fighting for his little girl…
the one that doesn’t sleep at night because he doesnt know what to do if “mom” was to get custody of her.
… sounds like you don’t love her
I can totally relate to how you feel, and if someone hasn’t been in your shoes they have no idea.
I believe you love your daughter with all of your heart. Who among us hasn’t had the occasional thought that you feel is so evil you can’t even speak it aloud? It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.
I can second this.
I have walked in your shoes for 7 years and feel your pain. Keep fighting. Even when you feel you can’t. She needs you. It’s the only thing that keeps me going, is knowing that my daughter absolutely needs me, and I need her. That’s a bond that can never be broken…by anyone, including a father that probably has nothing better to do than to make you miserable. Good luck.
Selfish. Deal with it, you aren’t the important one, she is.
She put it as a secret – it is a feeling therefore that she is ashamed of and scared of and that worries and concerns her. I douobt she would be going through whatever fight, custody or otherwise, she is having with the father if she didn’t love her child entirely. The majority of mothers I know have at sometime wept that they’re scared they hate their child or that they think it would be better for their child if they had never been born to have them as parents. I am not a parent but I can see the stress and toll of being one and we are only human, we have emotional outbreaks of irrational thought either in protection or defence that later we are horrified at.
I don’t believe she was saying she hates her daughter, I believe she is saying she is so scared of whatever she is going though deeply and badly affecting that child, that she will be a persosn her daughter resents and that daughter will have difficulties and problems that she wishes they would not. Parents want to protect their children from any harm and maybe this mothers mind occasionally wishes she had “protected” her child by never concieving her to never let her witness whatever hell is going on.
I don’t think its fair to judge her. Everyone has had a bad thought about someone that they love that they know is irrational, that is often momentary and that deeply scares them. These are the reasons why this is a secret. I do not believe she is a bad mother. I do not believe my parents are bad parents and my father told me the same thing to my face but I have no doubt he loves me and I know all he has sacrificed for me.
I wish you and your daughter well. I hope you gain strength from each other and develop a closeness not a distance.
im sure you are not the only mother who wishes she had never had children..many mothers and fathers feel this way but society would frowns upon abotion so much that it acres women into having them
I had an abortion at the age of 21 and everyone told me that i was going to regret it, it been almost 4 years since my abortion…I NEVER regretted my termination…it was the BEST choice I made…
that is terrible. my mother has five kids. i was the first, and she got pregnant with me and was forced to marry my dad. they divorced after the fourth child, and now he owes 70,000 dollars in child support. i pray to god my mother doesnt wish she never had me.
thats just wrong.
I’m glad you had her, and wish you didn’t feel that way
im sure my father thinks this… or he wouldnt stop saying my mother had “trapped” him in a relationship with my two brothers and i. he says it like she made him stay with HER, but sometimes I feel its meant towards us three…
I would think about what it would be like if my son died and I wouldn’t have to deal with his father. He is 16 now and has always been the greatest kid in the world. I forgave the father (drugs) and moved on to have a great life (with someone else) and a good relationship with the father. Never took the son away from him (visitation) even after my new husband adopted him. Now ex is in prison. Humm.
im sorry but you need to stop being so selfish its not about you anymore as a single parent myself that is the stupidist thing ive everheard maybe you shouldnt have had sex with her father then you wouldnt be in that situation
I can relate.. I had my daughter at 18.. My life has been hard ever sense.. I am in the process of leaving her father… I feel bad everyday she will have to live in a broken home.. I feel bad I am too depressed to leave my room to play with her.. I am sorry for all the things I do wrong that affect her… I do love her.. But I sometimes wonder if I wasnt cut out for this.. ( I will never let her know)
thats FUCKED up.
I admire that you can admit this, and I understand how you might sometimes wish that when your life and relationship with her has been defined by negative outside influences. I notice that this was posted almost three years ago. I hope your situation has improved since then, and I hope she is something you’ve come to appreciate and enjoy. I hope you’ve found something else which defines you.
i applaude your honesty. Motherhood is so sugar-coated by the media, we are led to believe that through pregnancy and child-rearing women realize themselves. Not true! I am sure a lot of women were happier before they had children…just they cannot admit it because a child is forever, once you have a child you cannot undo that decision.
my best friend is in the court/father position you are, but her baby girl is so precious. hating the father is not worth losing the little one who will love you forever.
My mother told me how I was an accident, how if she hadn’t had me, she wouldn’t be with me dad. It kills me inside.
Why would you ever say that? Even if thats how you feel. Yes being a mother is a struggle but when you have a kid you sign an 18 year contract to take care of her or him. WOULD YOU EVEN CARE IF SHE DIED?
my mom said the exact same thing about me to my best friend.
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