I don’t know why anyone wants to be pretty

I don't know why anyone wants to be pretty

I don’t know why anyone wants to be pretty

I hate being beautiful

I hate that you’re only nice to because of how I look

I secretly aspire to be a burn victim

At least then I’ll know who really loves me

I miss being ugly

136 Comments on “I don’t know why anyone wants to be pretty

  1.  by  Jessica

    I am a burn victim to. And I agree with Rebecca. I enjoyed the secret because I understand where she was coming from. I wasn’t a beautiful person- I was a pretty normal teenager with maybe just above average looks until the summer before my sophomore year in high school. When a bonfire exploded and burned my face, arms, and chest. I spent only a week and a half in the hospital and just a few months locked in the house away from the sun. However what I learned from being burned will change me forever.
    Life Lessons Learned From Being Burned…
    A lot of friends aren’t real. A lot of them don’t notice you’re gone, or do and just don’t bother to call. A lot of them are just “fluff” and just care about themselves. People are shallow. I learned that people base a lot upon yours look. And I had to spend the time in grocery stores, in the movies, or anywhere out in public with the stares of everyone. I had been a normal person but now I had turned into some kind of freak, but worse than that- I healed my skin although it is not perfect, it isn’t scarred badly.
    No one could probably ever imagine what had really happened to me because I look normal. And that’s the worse thing that could ever happen to me. Because now that I have friends again I already know how fake a lot of them are, and I know how untrue those boys are. I also realize how mean things are when they say things because when people say things like ” i wish they burned to death” they don’t realize that everyone’s scars aren’t visible. And that is true about everyone’s lives. I want scars so bad. I wish I had them. I wish I could flaunt them and tell the world that I was a burn victim, and that I wanted friends who were going to care about me because I was funny, or caring, or even just because I was me! not because of my looks or anything else that really didn’t mean anything.

    I go to Burn Camp. It’s a camp for youth burn survivors- and I now am a counselor. I think those campers are the most beautiful kids in the whole world. They are outgoing and smart and just incredible and they all live with their scars in such a profoundly amazing way. So I understand this secret- and even if you don’t you have no reason to put down what she stated. She took a chance and put it out to the world and guess what it’s called a SECRET for a reason- probably because she is ashamed of it.
    Want to know my secrets?

    That bonfire with one big flash.
    Turned all the lies into gray ash.
    All the people who were fakes
    Friends, I thought, my mistake.
    So then I cried, I was alone.
    To face the roads all unknown.
    But don’t worry now I am here.
    And now my friends I see clear.

    And I would never want to take it back. I love who I am. And if i could go back in time I would make sure that I got burned so I turned out exactly the same…maybe next time with some visible scars.

  2.  by  Dee

    For all the people telling her she’s selfish or ungrateful, you OBVIOUSLY have no idea what’s it like to be in her shoes, or else you wouldn’t be attacking her. I know what she’s going through. This is not to say that I’m vain. I’m quite aware of my … looks. And honestly, I’d rather get complimented on my intelligence, or on my art, just not on something so … superficial. People have commented on my looks plenty of times, and I always thank them, so as to not appear ungrateful or rude. But I’d much, MUCH rather be complimented on my personality instead of DNA accidents that just happened to coincide with what society considers to be “pretty”.

  3.  by  anon

    Read the card, she said she used to be ugly.

    But I guess some people are so bitter with their own situation, that they spew their bitter envy towards anyone they feel is better off.

    Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

    Pass the tissues….you know the rest.

  4.  by  anon

    You are a bitch.

    Please get over your jealousy and bitterness.

    You will be a much more beautiful person if you do.

  5.  by  Fiona

    IN my opinion, the worst part of being pretty is that people assume you are stupid. There is no way you get decent marks in a competitive program or that you care about your GPA, because you are pretty.
    It is infuriating that after losing weight and lucking out during puberty, my IQ, in the eyes of others, took a substantial dive.
    People look me up and down then make a patronizing comment that there is no way I could get into a graduate program or become a professor, because of my outward appearance.

    On the other hand, I would not for a second go back to being fat and ugly. Life is easier when you are pretty. At the end of the day, I would rather be able to walk down the street and have guys say 8.5 than 3.

  6.  by  Erin Stubblefield

    wa. people actually despise beautiful girls. they like average girls because there is no competition. believe me nobody likes you for your looks, and probably not your personality either.

  7.  by  Sara

    Girllll…..I’m sure your beautiful, but if you hate it, I kno you can “dumb your beauty down”. The most beautiful girl in the world can make herself average looking. Wear ugly baggy clothes, dye your hair a poop color, don’t wear any makeup, put your hair in ugly ponytails everyday, cut your hair off even, if you are really desperate try putting on a few pounds.
    Then, you can test it out at least and see if you really forsake your beauty. Its easy to become unbeautiful today in our shallow world.

  8.  by  K

    If you are attractive, and don’t put effort into your appearance, you then get comments like, “Oh but you could do so much more for yourself.” It’s such an amazing pressure,
    It is an error to believe that being ugly is harder than being beautiful. Society values beauty, but that doesn’t make life easier for the attractive. It is harder to be respected as being more than a pretty face and it is hard finding a guy that wants more than sex with you. If we were to tit-for-tat, we would find that neither ugliness nor beauty is easier than the other.
    And furthermore, insulting someone for being aware of their beauty makes you look insecure. Maybe that is where you are finding your supposed ugliness.

  9.  by  Ciara

    Personally, I am appalled by some of the comments. ALL people have insecurities. I think in the back of my mind I know I’m attractive. I’m told it all the time. But to avoid people like you saying comments like this, I have completely destroyed my self confidence so I don’t seem conceited like you make this girl seem. She ISN’T. People ARE beautiful and it’s OKAY to admit. So really, quit being so shallow. Being beautiful isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  10.  by  shellie

    I’ve never been a beautiful girl, but I understand the secret poster.

    Yeah, we all wish to be more beautiful sometimes, but I think I’d hate it.

  11.  by  Lassie

    I find myself attractive, and I think I disagree with the sender and agree with her at the same time. Hear me out…I wouldn’t want to stop being pretty, but sometimes it can be a pain. Only because guys don’t actually get to know you to make a move, and some persistant ones (with help from their goons!) chase you even after you tell them you have a boyfriend.

    However, I do have good true friends, that I’ve known for years. At the same time, I’ve only begun developing a bit more recently – face is clearing up and taking form as more mature, body is filling out, and I’ve also been taking care of my hair and wearing clothes that actually fit due to my boyfriend’s request (before was sweaters and jumpers).

    I can’t honestly tell you if things had been different if I had met them how I am now, but seeing as they’re good people, I think things would have still worked out this way. And apart from the advances and the let-downs by people faking interest in your hobbies and dropping it the moment they know you’re taken, it’s not such torture as people are describing. But I am not insanely pretty – Nicely proportioned with a nice face, but not model material – so I can’t know if I’m even on the same page as these people. I also consider myself fairly intelligent, enough to hold a meaningful conversation, which could aid to my true friendships as well.

  12.  by  Lassie

    Oh, and just a note. I think I also make ‘true’ friends for the fact that I’m not exactly healthy in a variety of ways, some of which includes seizures and passing out during classtime. This can freak people out righteously. :P

  13.  by  Wahida

    My life has a meaning in the sense, I know what love is what it means to love and to be loved…We are no longer a couple :( but the best of friends :) I still love him and tell him that everytime we talk and so does he :)
    I’m back to being single but none of my friends know…I am not ready for another relationship. yet :)

  14.  by  Christine

    God everyone, stop attacking this girl ! This is how she feels & if you don’t agree with it, fine, but there’s no need to attack the way someone feels ! I completely understand what you’re feeling…for years I’ve felt like guys look at me like a sex object & nothing more, and trying to find ANYONE who is looking at you as a person, and not as a sex object, is extremely difficult and lonely. People on here who are posting from the flipped point of view, saying they’re “ugly” and would give anything to be “pretty”, I understand where you’re coming from as well, but just because you’re unhappy that you’re not as “attractive” as you want to be, doesn’t mean someone else that is considered “attractive” is necessarily happy. The world is a harsh place, with prejudice against virtually everyone for some reason or another. If you don’t understand her, that’s fine, but she’s clearly feeling very lost and alone right now and you lashing out against “beautiful people” is clearly not going to help. Inner beauty is what matters, and when no one even attempts to see it, you feel completely worthless, like you might as well be a painting on the wall for people to look at and say “oh, that’s pretty” and move on. You long for people to try to get to know you, to look at you & see your personality, not just a pretty face. Hang in there, girl ! The people who matter will make the effort !

  15.  by  Christine

    P.S. after reading some of these other comments…I would like to agree with the fact that NO ONE takes you seriously. I’m going to college to be a Chemical Engineer, and am one of about 4 girls in my program. All my professors look at me like I’m completely unintelligent and there’s no way I’m going to complete my degree (compared to all the “Nerds” who look like they fit the part of a Chemical Engineer). It’s extremely fustrating when people say to me “come on…how are you cheating ? what are you doing ? we all know you’re really not THAT smart !” I was turned down from an internship because they “didn’t think I would make a good fit” even though I came fully prepared and thought I gave a great interview. I know it’s because, by looking at me, they didn’t think I was some supernerd ChemE. I LOVE Chemistry ! Why can’t anyone believe that just because I got a little genetically lucky ?

  16.  by  Lassie

    Aw. :( I’m sorry Christine, that sounds so sad. But once you get your degree you’ll have that to show for it, and who cares about the companies that hire on good looks, or lack of them? I hope it works out for you and more people see beyond the looks…

  17.  by  Christine

    Thanks, Lassie ! Yes, some peoples’ shallow opinions are unfortunate, but I was lucky enough to be blessed with book smarts & have tried extremely hard to get where I am today ! If people chose to judge other people solely on looks, they’re clearly the ones missing out: missing out on a possible lover, friendship, or someone they could learn an important lesson from. Whether people are being judged for being “too beautiful” and thought to be superficial objects, or whether they are looked down on for being “too ugly” and simply overlooked…it’s always a shame. Everyone on here complaining about being “ugly” and bashing the poor girl who posted her secret are clearly all quite superficial themselves, saying all these negative things about “beautiful” people…you’re doing to other people the same thing you’re complaining about ! Being discriminated against because of your looks ! People who put their secrets on Post Secret are brave to share the hidden parts of their soul, and this site should be used to let them know they’re not alone, or ways to help…not to shut them down and tell them they’re concited, ect ! IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY IT AT ALL ! :)

  18.  by  Christine

    oh, and Katy, if I were you I’d re-read your comment. You’re making a complete idiot of yourself, saying all that negative COMPLETELY UNCALLED for shit, and then saying you’re only friends with pretty people !? Come on ! That is the most stuck-up thing I’ve ever heard. You’re clearly an extremely superficial person who bases most of your decisions in life on looks.

    “I find it impossible to even get along with people that are unintelligent and/or lack substance, I can safely tell you that there are many, many attractive people who’s daily functioning is not just based on their appearance, and who don’t even feel the need to fall back on their appearance as a way of manipulating people. Yes, it is depressing that people are so easily manipulated by a pretty girl, and I confess that there have been times in the past when I’ve used my looks to get myself out of trouble, but I’ve never degraded myself so much as to pretend that I’m stupid. If I was that pathetic… yeah, I’d probably hate myself too”

    1. You are clearly NOT intelligent as all of your remarks have been completely ignorant.
    2. You are CLEARLY one of those people who use their appearance to manipulate people, as you admit about 3 seconds later…way to contradict yourself !
    3. I’m not a mean-spirited person, but you brought the card to the table, so…you’re on here calling people pathetic when clearly you’re the pathetic one wasting your time bashing all these people you know nothing about ! They obviously have problems and insecurities…everyone does…except you, apparently, because you CLEARLY have no problems with yourself. Here’s a hint: NO ONE CARES IF YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL IF YOU’RE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL BITCH !! Take your negativity elsewhere. Thanks :)

  19.  by  Katy

    My reading comprehension skills? Okay, let’s make this simple for you.
    So regardless of what you were thinking when you wrote this, you said “and even though I’ve used it to my advantage” (‘it’ being your looks, as you stated at the beginning of the sentence)”it’s made me so cynical because it depresses me how people are so willing to believe that a pretty girl is stupid” implying that you used the connection people make with looks and unintelligence to manipulate people. My reading comprehension skills are perfectly fine, dear. If you meant something else then you should probably proof-read what you write.
    “Oh, and if you think someone is pathetic, then you feel sorry for them, right? Still following?

    Who insults people they feel sorry for? Assholes, perhaps?”
    Pity: Arousing scornful pity or contempt, often due to miserable inadequacy.
    Have you ever used the word pathetic in your life? Are you not aware of the way it is used in a sentence? …What?!

    Now I’d like to ask you how exactly I’m contradicting myself or being a hypocrite in any way?
    “Oh, and just to give you a heads up dear, someone might mistake you for a stupid person, insulting someone and then going on to say how you’ve done the exact same shit in the same breath.”
    What ‘exact same shit’ are you referring to here? Using my looks to manipulate people? As I mentioned earlier, you implied you used your looks to pretend you were unintelligent, or used your looks and feined stupidity in conjunction to manipulate men. I’ve never pretended to be stupid in my life. As you yourself mentioned, equating stupid and pretty is something other people do, and something you exploited (or so you implied). Notice the difference?

    So, what you’re now saying is that because you were bullied for being intelligent, you pretend not to be? That is one of the worst things you can do. If you’re able to acknowledge why you do it then surely you have enough common sense to realise that intelligence is a valued quality to most people? How old are you? If you’re over the age of 15 or so you’re not exactly going to have much of a hard time as a result of having brains. Apart from that, why does being ‘cute’ stop you from showing your intelligence? Seriously, why would you think that?

  20.  by  Katy

    Sorry, but you need to re-read my comment again.
    “(as in, people that dress well, as you can make yourself attractive through style)”. Only making friends with people that dress well is only shallow in that I am interested in fashion, and believe that fashion is a way of expressing yourself through your appearance. I don’t make friends with people based on their facial attractiveness, but the way a person dresses (as opposed to way a person is born) tells you a lot about that person. I like to surround myself with like-minded people, and I appreciate people’s personal style. I also added: “and I find it impossible to even get along with people that are unintelligent and/or lack substance”, as in… I don’t suffer fools gladly, and regardless of whether or not a person dresses well, if they’re unintelligent, boring or an asshole, I’m not going to be interested in friendship. Sorry, but valuing personal style and intelligence does not equal “bases most of your decisions in life on looks”.
    Re: 1.
    Please quote these ‘ignorant remarks’, and I’ll be sure to clear them up with you (:
    Re: 2.
    Why don’t you explain exactly how I’ve contradicted myself (don’t forget to re-read).
    Re: 3.
    I am ‘bashing’ these people based on what they have written, not on what I don’t know about them. My problems with myself are irrelevant in this situation…? I’m not a bitch, and my comments were not uncalled for. I’m merely responding to the wankery that is this post and it’s comments.

  21.  by  Lassie

    Katy, I don’t have anything against you, but the tone of this reply is much nicer than the original. In the original post you made, you were in full attack mode, and the insults didn’t win you any favors – if you want people to respond in a calm manner for discussion, talk like how you just did.

    This isn’t my conversation, but I do have a question. If someone does not have a sense of style or has a style you do not like or you think would look ugly and gaudy to everyone, you don’t talk to them? It might be a form of expression but some just aren’t born with a sense of fashion – and to ommit them from your life does show a certain level of shallowness, I’m sorry.

  22.  by  Katy

    I just find no reason to not attack people who are like that.
    Of course I talk to them! I try to be nice to everybody (unless they give me a reason not to be). If you separate the fact that fashion has to do with appearance then I don’t think it’s shallow. If that makes sense, hehe. As in… if you were to mainly make friends with people who were into music or politics, it wouldn’t be shallow, and my interest in fashion is along the same lines as another person’s interest in other things. Not being friends with someone doesn’t mean you’ll be nasty or unfriendly to them, or even give them any indication that you don’t WANT to be friends. Who I end up being friends with isn’t usually a conscious decision (nor is who I end up not being friends with haha). It usually just ends up with me hanging out with people who have similar interests to me, and fashion is an easy one to pick up on. Yes, you pick up on it based on appearance but after talking to a person you can easily find out if they’re not really that into it or if you have absolutely nothing else in common, and if that’s the case then obviously I’m not going to hang off their arm anyway haha.

  23.  by  Lassie

    (I wrote a comment then Postsecretarchive wouldn’t let me on for a while, sorry.)

    Thank you for clearing that up for me Katy, I thought it might be something like that, but I was incorrectly leaning toward the worst assumption. I do see where you’re coming from with the polical and music example – it is true that you would have more of a friendly, interesting enviorment with people like you, but of course opposites can always attract and you can learn something from different people. But at first impression you’re generally likely to head to what is familiar that you know, like, and have a safe bet on connecting to that person with it.

    I do have another thing I’d like to discuss with you about. It is true, you can uglify yourself by wearing baggy clothes and not wearing make up and such – but at the same time, neglecting yourself (your hair, skin, teeth, whatever) while it would make you ugly isn’t hygenic. And when people take care of their skin, their hair, and their teeth, their face is enough to make up for baggy/awful clothing. But the attention drawn away from the body might help even if you can’t hide a pretty face. Do you get where I’m coming from? I’m sorry if I’m not being clear here.

    It’s like wearing nice clothes in general. I think you can identify with this – as people do art for others but mainly for themselves, wearing clothes is like that. While it is expression, wearing nice clothes helps you feel good about yourself and makes you feel unique or lively. As well, baggy clothes -can- be uncomfortable, sort of like lying down in a swamp, lol.

    And pardon me for saying this, but the statement that “If they didn’t want me to catcall/hit on them/F&%k them, they wouldn’t dress like that.” It’s utter nonsense and holds the same meaning as “Well, they can only look good when it’s for me, it’s their fault.” It is selfish, and making the victim be the villain. Even though I say that, I still object to women complaining after wearing VERY revealing clothing. But covering themselves up completely just doesn’t seem right to me either – it’s their body, why not show it, not for sexual purposes but simply because it’s -there- to show, as long as they keep it decent and classy. But that’s heading into a whole different line of thought and opinion. However someone dresses, it’s still not acceptable for anyone to say that they implied they wanted to be used or harassed. (I’m not saying you stated anything of the sort, Kathy, but it’s slightly related and I thought I’d throw it out there.)

    I guess at this point it’s a question about what the postsecret-sender values more – their expression, their comfort (if baggy clothes feel the same way to them as they do to me), and (possibly) their hygene, or the chance to see who are their real friends.

  24.  by  Christine

    The general point I was trying to make with my last post was that the TONE of your message was unnecessarily rude, and came across like you were completely attacking the sender, which isn’t what I believe Post Secret is about. It’s about sharing your deepest secrets & the fact that people can write responses & show you that you’re not alone with your fears / problems / insecurities can really help people that are struggling & don’t know what to do about it. I will admit, my last comment was a little harsh as well, but I was just imagining the sender coming on to Post Secret, looking at her secret, and seeing 30 comments of people telling her she’s a shallow bitch / conceited / it’s her own fault people view her like that because of the way she must portray herself, ect. And obviously, this is her big insecurity, and seeing all that negativity probably just added to her woes & made her feel even worse about herself ! So Katy, I apologize for my rash comments earlier, but you should think a little more about how your message will be perceived before you attack people like that.
    *And another word to the sender…while the world is very judgemental, the only thing that REALLY matters is what you think about yourself. You should never have to hide who you really are, and, although the suggestions of “uglifying” yourself are with good intent, you never want to change how you dress & how you portray yourself to conform to the ideals of society. On the flip side, I obviously don’t know your situation, but I do know that many beautiful girls (who know they’re beautiful) like to flaunt it, which is okay, in moderation…people have completely different views when they look at a beautiful girl, who has good hygeine & takes care of herself, versus a beautiful girl who tries to enhance her look with lots of makeup & racy clothes, ect. if you catch my drift. In between some of the less positive comments is a lot of good advice (& kindly shared personal stories) from people in varying situations, but who can all relate to the general feeling of being simply viewed as a pretty face, and nothing more. I’ve finally found friends that aren’t fake or superstitious, or only want “hot” friends (yes, I’ve had plenty of those friends) and I’ve finally found an amazing guy who doesn’t look at me like a sex object, but loves my personality & still thinks I’m beautiful even when I wake up, with my hair everywhere, no makeup on (YES it’s SO corny, & I didn’t believe those guys were out there, but it’s true!)…those people are out there, & you’ll find them ! Keep your head up !

  25.  by  Katy

    Yes, you’re right – you can learn things from different people. But usually when making friends with someone you will have something in common that initially brings you together, and only after you’ve started making the effort to talk to that person can you get to know them and other things you have in common (or things you don’t). People who are into fashion aren’t all the same kind of person, and I don’t always talk about fashion with every single one of my friends (infact I only ever talk about it at all with a few of them), it can just be a mutual interest that brings people together and gets them talking in the first place.
    I don’t see uglifying yourself as not being hygenic or wearing baggy clothes / not wearing makeup. Uglifying yourself could mean getting a ridiculously bad haircut (hair can and does completely change the way a person looks and can transform someone from plain to stunning), wearing makeup in a really bad way, wearing awful clothes. Despite what people seem to think a beautiful person can ALWAYS be made ugly, because as I said… you can change the aspects of your appearance to make yourself look attractive (as opposed to the way you were born) and it works the other way, too.
    I wasn’t saying that at all. What I said was:
    “Cat-calling and men sleazing on you happens whether you’re average or beautiful”.
    When I was talking about uglifying yourself I was referring to if you genuinely hated being beautiful. Attractive people have every right to complain about people judging them purely on their looks / people only wanting to be friends with them because they’re good looking etc. etc… but they have no right to say that they would rather be ugly (or disfigured) because in a patriarchy, the odds of whether or not a situation will be advantageous will 80% of the time be in their favour.
    I completely agree – a woman can wear whatever she likes and should never be blamed for what happens as a ‘result’… however, like I said, if somebody GEUNINELY BELIEVES that being physically beautiful is a ‘curse’, then it’s easy enough to change.
    Comfort isn’t really an issue – attractive clothing will not 100% of the time be the most comfortable. Baggy clothing will not always be ugly and tight clothing will not always be attractive. Comfortable and unattractive clothing is incredibly easy to find haha.

  26.  by  Katy

    That was directed at Lassie, sorry.
    I didn’t see Christine’s post.

  27.  by  Lassie

    Katy: “Yes, you’re right – you can learn things from different people. But usually when making friends with someone you will have something in common that initially brings you together”

    Me: “But at first impression you’re generally likely to head to what
    is familiar that you know, like, and have a safe bet on connecting
    to that person with it.”

    Katy: “I don’t see uglifying yourself as not being hygenic or wearing
    baggy clothes / not wearing makeup. Uglifying yourself could
    mean getting a ridiculously bad haircut”

    Honestly didn’t think of that but you are right. Everyone deserves
    to be beautiful but if she values the chance of finding out who
    her true friends are, refusing to mess up her hair would
    contradict the seriousness of her postsecret.

    “but they have no right to say that they would rather be ugly
    (or disfigured) because in a patriarchy, the odds of whether or
    not a situation will be advantageous will 80% of the time be in
    their favour.”

    Good point, but those advantages ‘in their favour’ would be rather
    unfair and they would sense that, and maybe feel hurt if they
    felt like their work and intelligence has been brushed aside
    as an effect from that. They have a right to complain about that
    too. I think that while you may not agree with it, and while I may
    not agree with it, everyone has the ‘right’ to want to be ugly.
    Whether you agree with their statements, disagree, or question
    if they were serious, they still have the -right-.

    “however, like I said, if somebody GEUNINELY BELIEVES that
    being physically beautiful is a ‘curse’, then it’s easy enough to
    change.”

    Yes, I see that, I understand what you mean now. There is a
    big distinction in uncomfortable pretty people who enjoy and feel
    good about being pretty and those who genuinely despise thems
    elves and the world affected by it, but do nothing to act on it.

    “Comfort isn’t really an issue – attractive clothing will not 100%
    of the time be the most comfortable. Baggy clothing will not
    always be ugly and tight clothing will not always be attractive.
    Comfortable and unattractive clothing is incredibly easy to find
    haha.”

    Pillow cases, feel the breeze :D

  28.  by  Katy

    It was indeed unnecessarily rude. But holding back wasn’t exactly necessary, either. I wasn’t attacking the sender specifically, I was generally responding to many of the (quite frankly) ignorant comments left on this secret, and then in one part to a specific user’s comment.
    Yes – this is for people’s secrets and for support of them, but to be honest with you, this secret is just fucked. She needs to be told that thinking like that is selfish and wrong, because it is. I knew exactly how my comment was going to be perceived, and I have absolutely nothing to apologise for.
    Let me give you an point of comparison:
    A rich kid goes to school where the majority of students aren’t rich. Many of the students try to make friends with the rich kid just because he is rich. Taking the attitude of the sender of this secret (and most of the comments) and applying it to this situation would result in this kid having this view: “I am so sad that I have no real friends. I wish I was poor like the majority of the world ):”. Now while you may sympathise with this rich boy, having this view would be incredibly selfish. Because at the end of the day, regardless of the few disadvantages that exist as a result of having the better deal, *in comparison* to being the poor majority, being the rich kid would be paradise. It’s like a man complaining about sexism towards him and as a result wishing he was a woman. It’s just bullshit.

    RE: the other part of your message directed to the sender,
    “you never want to change how you dress & how you portray yourself to conform to the ideals of society”
    Being beautiful implies you ARE the ideal.
    “I’ve finally found friends that aren’t fake or superstitious, or only want “hot” friends (yes, I’ve had plenty of those friends) and I’ve finally found an amazing guy who doesn’t look at me like a sex object,”
    Yet another reason why beautiful people shouldn’t wish they were ugly so they could find true friends. It’s not easy, but it’s not that hard. Certainly not hard enough to even compare to the disadvantages you face as a result of being unattractive.

  29.  by  Katy

    @ Lassie
    “Good point, but those advantages ‘in their favour’ would be rather
    unfair and they would sense that, and maybe feel hurt if they
    felt like their work and intelligence has been brushed aside
    as an effect from that. They have a right to complain about that
    too. I think that while you may not agree with it, and while I may
    not agree with it, everyone has the ‘right’ to want to be ugly.”
    Yes, they have the right to complain about it but it will never justify wanting to be ugly. It just won’t. It’s simply not comparable.

  30.  by  Lassie

    I’m not saying it justifies wanting to be ugly. But to say they had no ‘right’ was incorrect.

    Also I found your post to Christine was eloquent but I do have an issue with one small part at the beginning…

    “But holding back wasn’t exactly necessary”
    Not necessary but it is always much more productive to be sensible and diplomatic; when you insult and rage it is not about the points anymore, but the person themselves. I’m not sure if that was your intention, and if it was I apologize. But when people get angry and others get defensive and the offense flies all over the place, well, it’s ruled by emotion and all thought gets thrown out the window, which don’t lead to very interesting discussions but enjoyable drama.

    And
    “It’s like a man complaining about sexism towards him and as a result wishing he was a woman.”

    Yes, the situations are similar. Each group has their ups and downs, and their discrimination is different in each sex and in each invidiual of that sex. However Beauty, and Ugly, are very different from each other while people are…people. Which trips me up. Seeing as both a woman and a man can have the same exact advantages in some cases, that also feels like it is slightly different. But enough nitpicking – it shares a resemblance, not a mirror image. If you would be interested in discussing this too though, e-mail me or msn message me at [email protected]. You too, Christine.

  31.  by  Katy

    Technically they have the ‘right’ but morally, no they don’t.
    Thought doesn’t get thrown out the window. I still believe everything I wrote in my angry post. Interesting discussions can be hostile. I was FEELING hostile, but still expecting replies / a discussion. I could have left out the insults but considering how insulting the secret and many of the comments were, I didn’t exactly feel that they deserved it.
    I don’t think you understand where I was going with the sexism example. I was referring to the male sex and beautiful people as being the priviledged group. In comparison, women and unattractive people (especially unattractive women, by the way) are disadvantaged. Yes, both men and beautiful people are disadvantaged in some ways but they are so vastly priviledged in comparison that to even suggest that being in the other boat would be a smoother ride implies a severe lack of both empathy and basic common sense. Attractiveness and gender are both parts of a person, and advantages / disadvantages as a result of both will mainly occur after simply acknowledging which of the two a person fits in with. How can a woman and a man have the same advantages? If one person is advantaged then another is disadvantaged in relation to that person.

  32.  by  Lassie

    Let me correct that – I meant both an attractive or average man would have the same advantages as an attractive or average woman. I think Beauty plays a greater role than Gender. Hell, if I’m being fair, I see an attractive woman going farther than an attractive man, based on the assumption that someone will be surprised by that woman having talent and/or intelligence – and standing out that way.

    I would like to see some sources that support that men are so insanely privelaged? Fair statistics, lawsuits where the women are objecting to an unfair placement or rejection based on gender? I do believe that socially women are abused, but so are men – many women stereotype men as being horrible, heartless, emotionless, dirty monsters. Men and Women both get about the same chance in my eyes to be seen as different from the rest when someone gets to know them.

  33.  by  Katy

    Considering we live in a patriarchal society (this is not opinion, this is fact. No matriarchal society has ever been recorded in history, ever) I’m surprised you’re even asking for sources. Go outside, communicate with strangers, watch the television, apply for a job, read the newspaper. If you have sexism in mind and the ability to recognise it (although most people don’t, at first. Sex discrimination is so prevalent in society that most people, such as yourself, aren’t even aware of the vast majority of it until they study it at school or research it independently) you will see it literally everywhere.
    Haha, there’s even a Wikipedia article on it.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_privilege
    But if you haven’t read anything on it before then this is probably the best to check out.
    http://www.amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/
    (scroll down)
    If you want statistics you can ponder around here
    http://www.unece.org/stats/gender/
    or alternatively,
    http://lmgtfy.com/?q=gender+statistics
    The idea that men and women get the same chances is so far from the truth that I can’t help but wonder how old you are. I’m not being mean/bitchy, but I do find it hard to believe anyone at least in their teens could think that. I’m not trying to be mean, though!
    Well for one thing you’ve listed one aspect of male priviledge in the first part of your comment. But let’s see if you can spot it.
    ” I see an attractive woman going farther than an attractive man, based on the assumption that someone will be surprised by that woman having talent and/or intelligence – and standing out that way.”
    Why don’t you think about this sentence for a bit (in relation to male priviledge) and tell me what you come up with?

  34.  by  Katy

    This is a test. If this goes through haha then sorry but my last post didn’t work?

  35.  by  Katy

    What the hellll !! xD haha okay hold on I’ll re-write it.

  36.  by  Lassie

    Lol you’re very kind, this is why I CP before each enter just in case :D

  37.  by  Katy

    Okay I’ll try to re-write this as I wrote it the first time xD
    Considering that our society as a whole is a patriarchy, I’m surprised you even need to ask for sources or statistics. I would’ve thought you would learn about gender differences in school, at least to some extent. We didn’t learn about it in any depth (although I took the liberty of researching it for myself, as everybody should) but we were at least shown statistics relating to gender discrimination. Male privilege is evident as soon as you go outside pretty much haha. As long as you function in society with a good idea of what sexism and sex discrimination actually IS, you can see it EVERYWHERE.
    Considering this is your first time hearing about male privilege (I imagine) then I’d advise you to read this:
    http://www.amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/
    (scroll down a bit).
    You actually gave one example of male privilege in your comment!
    “I see an attractive woman going farther than an attractive man, based on the assumption that someone will be surprised by that woman having talent and/or intelligence – and standing out that way.”
    Re-read this and have a think about it… and tell me what you come up with!

  38.  by  Sam

    You can’t call her a bitch.
    She’s just being truthful.
    What are you being “anon”?
    Judgemental.
    You’re proving her right.

    And you can’t even give a name to go with that pathetic, idiotic comment because you’re probably too ashamed. Deep down you probably know your comment was uncalled for. And that’s the worst part of it all.

  39.  by  jennifer

    your not beautiful. at all. and certainly not on the inside.
    get over yourself, quit being vain.

  40.  by  akasha

    I was going to say the same thing read “Invisible Monsters, one of my favorite books! I’m pretty and feel the same way.

  41.  by  emma

    thank you for posting this “male privilege list” thing! it’s kind of ironic that sexism has only come up in these later comments when it is the main societal force that created this secret (you would never see a guy posting a secret like this…). and the list provides a good summary of gender differences in our society. although, like you said, i find it almost impossible to believe that someone couldn’t notice these things all by themselves within in the first five minutes of life on this planet (especially if they’re a woman).

  42.  by  grammar nazi

    if you want to abbreviate “et cetera” it’s ETC! not ect! good lord… (sorry, it’s a pet peeve)

  43.  by  Lin

    Agreed. I would rather be to pretty than how I am now (fat and ugly).
    Maybe if I were pretty I would have friends……

  44.  by  Agreed

    This secret really made an impact on a lot of people. Ugly people who wish they were pretty don’t understand her because people always yearn for what they don’t have and so they are bitter. YOU guys need to get over yourselves. You don’t understand how she feels so you judge her and get so angry and jealous and she’s just a person who feels a certain way and wanted to share it. If you wrote a secret about wanting to be pretty and wishing you weren’t ugly, people could easily judge you and say you’re ungrateful for the things that you do have, but no one would ever do that. You only feel the need to tear her down because you hate yourself and that’s not fair. I can relate to what she is saying because I am an atrractive person. It’s funny because people always stare and look at your for a long time, and if it’s someone I can tell is insecure or jealous or thinking mean things about me because i’m pretty, i always smile at them to show them that just because i’m pretty, i’m not a bitch or someone you need to hate. And as soon as I smile or help them with something or compliment them to make them feel good, their face totally changes and it’s like they’re ashamed of being jealous because WE’RE ALL JUST PEOPLE. Ugly or pretty, we’re all just people.

  45.  by  !

    Wow, clearly you haven’t even read half of these comments.

  46.  by  Agreed

    true… just the first bunch.
    i think my opinion is still relevent though.

  47.  by  Andee

    Have you ever gone from being chubby and unattractive to skinny and pretty?
    I have, and I can tell you, it’s sad.
    Yes, more attention, but only from the people who don’t care who you are as a person. Guys that never gave me the time of day, now tell me how smart and funny and pretty I am.
    I was always smart and funny. Guess that’s not enough.

  48.  by  LB

    I like being pretty. People who care about brains and personality still care about those things in me, and those are the people who I have as friends and lovers. People who don’t care about those things at least put me in a good mood by telling me I’m pretty, and I don’t have to deal with them on more than a passing basis. Frankly, having been on both sides of the “considered pretty”/”considered ugly” divide, I consider myself blessed as all hell. Maybe the OP doesn’t hate being pretty. Maybe she’s just hanging out with the wrong people and needs to find new friends.

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