I used to resent you for not being there.

I used to resent you for not being there.

I used to resent you for not being there.

now I resent you for trying so hard… 18 years later

it’s t0o late daddy…

38 Comments on “I used to resent you for not being there.

  1.  by  alajjana

    Some people just cant help but make themselves miserable.

  2.  by  a_girl

    good thing you dad’s trying..

    my dad? pft.. back then i thought i just liked him because of what he bought me and all the toys, clothes and all the cool stuff when i was still a kid but when i moved to a different country i missed him so i realized that i do love him. but its time he tried… its time he became a dad… my dad…

  3.  by  Mia

    god! i can completely relate to this.
    it’s like you’re telling me a version of my story.
    it’s good to know that i’m not alone in this 🙂

  4.  by  Mia

    God! i can so totally relate to this secret.
    it’s like you’re telling me a version of my story.
    it’s good to know that i’m not alone in this.

  5.  by  VALentinee

    this made me cry.
    sometimes i just wish i could help these people.

  6.  by  Vickie

    Obviously you have never suffered a major dissapointment, hurt or whatever in your life. Must be nice. This is a place for hurting people, not a place to put them down even more than they already are.

  7.  by  Invisible K

    I can relate as well. Though my father was physically present, he was emotionally not there. Now I’m 41 years old and he tries, but it’s too late. I was never good enough, smart enough, driven enough, *anything* enough in his eyes.

    …I’m still not.

  8.  by  neveralone

    It’s never too late! Please don’t give up yet; when it IS too late you’ll regret it more than you’ll ever know.

  9.  by  dreaming_girl

    I feel the same… and no one in my family understands me…

  10.  by  here74

    i used to feel that way.
    but now i don’t.
    now i completely and utterly love him for everything that he has ever done, and i’m never going to let that change.
    hope things work out for you, too.

  11.  by  me

    I know exactly how you feel.

    I used to cry when he wasn’t around for me. I’ve just turned 18, and now he won’t leave me alone.

    I never knew I wasn’t the only one. Thank You.

  12.  by  Chelsea

    Shit . I never realised this was how I felt until I read this postcard. I always wondered why I was so mad but I couldn’t put it into words

  13.  by  hurt

    I feel the same way. My dad was too busy drinking instead being there for me. Now that I’ve been out of the house, he wants to try. It’s kind of late but I can’t change him, I can only change the way he affects me. And I’ve been trying as well. I can see an actual relationship forming and it is nice but I don’t think I can ever really get over what he’s done.

  14.  by  kgd

    Wow. I’ve never sent a secret to this site, but you just expressed what I would have sent to a T. Even the age. Just wow.

    From all the comments it’s reassuring to see that I’m not alone, and neither are you.

  15.  by  Jimbo

    This hit me right in the heart. My dad worshipped my older brother (and still does) and never hesitated to compare me and my bro. Now that his perfect child lives in another state my dad tries to act like it never happened. Fuck you dad, I was second best then and you think I’m second best now, I hate football and will never be your trophy child. I’m a gay writer and you can;t change that. You’re too late, a childhood too late. 🙁

  16.  by  Megan

    ditto. and It will always be too late, for those who have never been in that situation. It feels like anytime he says I’m proud of you, or I love you, or he wants to do something, it’s been prompted from someone, like mom, or it doesn’t mean anything b/c he’s never said it before

  17.  by  ellieisfrench

    this is pretty much what happened with me.
    my dad didn’t ever try in my life
    until I stopped trying to be in his.
    now he constantly tries to get back in,
    and it’s frustrating because I don’t want him anymore
    he hurt me way too much.

    and Vickie,
    you’re obviously an idiot.
    and you have two loving parents huh?
    you take them for granted probably?
    it sucks not having fully supportive parents
    it sucks not having parents be there for you.

  18.  by  koyasha

    ellieisfrench – i’m really sorry to hear about that but i think it is not ok that you call vickie an idiot. i think alajjana is the one that made an inappropriate comment but definitely not vickie.. ? maybe i’m getting something wrong?

  19.  by  JustMe

    Same here. Mommy instead of Daddy but Daddy was hardly there for me either. He loved me more than my mother did, but loved his son more than anything in the world.
    It’s a man’s world, in my household.
    I learned to raise myself.

  20.  by  JustMe

    A-fucking-men to that!
    I love my dad. I honestly do.
    But my YOUNGER brother was his favorite, and is his favorite, and always will be his favorite.
    Now that he’s in the Navy and won’t be back for a time, my dad is lonely.
    But he’s wasted his chances on me.
    He’s trying, but I just can’t get used to the fact of him coming around or helping me all the time.
    Every time I see him I see the disappointment in his eyes when I was a teenager and he realized his oldest daughter was gay.
    Now he tries to get around it by saying I’m his oldest son.
    I’m not his son.
    I’m his daughter.
    I just happen to fuck the same sex that his son does.
    It angers me.
    But I still love him.
    That pisses me off too.

  21.  by  Megan

    You know it’s someone else’s secret. It’s not your place to judge. Shit happens that we can’t control. They didn’t put this out to face worse judgment, that’s why it’s a secret.

    This is their way of coping. Life goes on. Please stop hating what you didn’t go through and we won’t hate what you went through.

  22.  by  Ally

    Oh wow I never thought I would see that someone else with the same problem as me. I tried so hard to earn the approval of my emotionally abusive parents until I gave up, came to college and shunned then from my life. Now they call all the time acting nice like they never did a thing wrong. The worst part is, I’m starting to almost believe that maybe they WERE good parents and I’m a spoiled brat who took them for granted. They are causing me to literally lose my mind.I know they were bad parents…I wish they would just let me forget them.

  23.  by  maria

    I know part of what you are going threw, my father left when I was 3 mounts old, but the only difference is that I never looked for him because he never cared enough for me to stay…know I am 19 years old about to turn 20 and never had a father…I don’t even know his name… how do I feel about him well for a long time I hated him but now I just don’t see the point anymore now I just feel empty towards him because all he is to me is an empty figure…

  24.  by  gonzalez

    no they have people like you to help with that..

  25.  by  fiona

    you are wrong vickie this is not just a place for hurting people…not all secerets have to be painful. Who are you to judge the way someone else is feeling?

  26.  by  fiona

    Your are wrong vicky this site is for everyone…not every secret has to be painful! who are you to judge someone else’s feelings?

  27.  by  Daughter

    This is seriously my secret. This is exactly what I’m going through.
    Some might say it’s selfish to not accept him now, but you just don’t understand. It’s not fair.
    It hurts.
    I get you.

  28.  by  disappointed3thebone

    Same here, just hurting in another way: although it seems he’s trying very hard, he still doesn’t care about me. 5 years since the divorce and he still has to ask me how am I, if I need any help at all, and I’m not talking about money.
    Half a year since I suffered from depression and he never asked why or how am I feeling so far.
    Guess he’ll never do.
    It hurts twice because being hurtby that makes me feel angry with myself.

  29.  by  breaking heart

    I wish so much that I could take you all back in time and tell God to please give you to moms and dads who had their priorities straight, because nobody deserves a parent who doesn’t realize how blessed they are to have a child or children. I’ve been so blessed to have a dad who decided early-on in life that he would rather play with his kids on weekends, etc., rather than do a lot of business on the golf course. My dad could have had an awesome bank roll and an excellent portfolio, but when offered the opportunity to learn to play golf, he said no thank you.
    I wish you all had great dads like mine was. Every child deserves a terrific dad.

  30.  by  :]

    EXACTLY. My dad just sends me a card every year on my birthday with five dollars inside–that he has his girlfriend sign his name on.
    Now he adds me on Facebook as if he cares to know about my life?
    I swear, if he ever tries to “get to know me–”
    You don’t recognize me on the street, you bastard.

  31.  by  dani

    i wish i could say the same, but my dad died when i was five. so he will never get the chance to know me…i would give anything to talk to him now, if only for an hour.

  32.  by  Truth

    I feltthe same way about my parents always doting on my older sister. Then when I turned 15 I found out my dad had been raping her for about 10 years. She left never came back, he took off and disappeared mymom tried to reach out i refused cause I had learned how to be self sufficient strong capable! She died a year later of breast cancer. I was alone at her funeral from her family. I now realize I was so mad are her for not being there when I needed her that I was not there for her when she needed me. My story is not yours. My lesson is mine alone. I just wish I had more time.

  33.  by  Broken Heart

    @Truth #: Your story sucks in the worst way it can, I think.
    [Unbeknownst to me] I was my dad’s favorite for decades. Now my sister is his favorite, but I sorely wish he had tried to be there for my brothers as hard as he tried to help me. My brothers each got the belt AT LEAST as often as every Saturday. He would make them drop their drawers for it, too. When he yelled, “Turn around!” and they didn’t, he would say, “It’s gonna hurt a whole lot more if you don’t turn around…” and he meant it. Every time I heard that, I was so scared that one of my brothers was going to get his penis whipped off because my dad was that mad that he wouldn’t have had a problem whipping their front sides if he wasn’t able to whip their backsides. He would have been truly remorseful if he had done that, but in his anger, he was capable of a whole lotta stuff that he would never do if he had been taught that you can just walk away for five minutes. And my dad was not a drinker, either. Not even for a game, or for a party, or on a date with my mom. My mom never stood up to him over this behavior of his, BTW. She never protected my brothers from the violence…Is it any wonder that one of my brothers tried to kill himself once as a kid.
    None of my brothers hit their kids — EVER. Both my sister and I are, to date, childless.
    I wish my dad had given me the belt more than the twice he did, if it would have saved my brothers from getting the belt. I misbehaved just as much as my brothers did, I figure, but I was spoiled because I was a girl. I wish I had gotten treated the same as my brothers: When they got the belt, I should have gotten the belt, too. Alternatively, if I didn’t get the belt, they shouldn’t have gotten the belt either. It wasn’t JUST the corporal punishment that was wrong…It was the inequity of the punishment. I got spanked a lot, all the way up until about a half a year after I turned 15 (I started puberty at the age of 7). I was very angry that my dad was still punishing me this way, even though for most of my life by that time, I should have been experiencing spanking as a pleasurable thing between myself and the boy I liked.
    My dad is calm by now, but the damage has been done. The parenting classes he & my mom took helped him chill out (they didn’t make my mom much better, though. She’s quite a sociopath. She’s a lot more into the controlling of every aspect of my life, though. Seriously, socially, physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially (my savings from childhood)…She makes sure I don’t date men she doesn’t want me to date. She’s even psychologically controlling about where I live. My dad won’t leave her, even with as much suffering as she puts him through, and it’s a LOT of suffering). I never knew my dad loved me till I was 16. My mom says she loves me, but if she does, it’s a very messed-up kind of love. A love which allows for me to be happy ONLY on her very limited terms, and they are not terms under which I could ever be happy.
    Now, everybody in my extended family is dying, and I want to be there for my dad, but my mom is so amoral that I don’t want to deal with her…but my parents are a package deal.
    I’m in my f-in’ mid-thirties, and I’ll never be able to be happy until my mom is 6 feet under. She will never die as long as my dad is alive because he will move mountains with a pin to keep her alive and happy.
    My story is very different from yours, ANY of yours, but it feels good to get it off my chest. You people are the only people I have ever shared all of this with.
    God bless you all.

  34.  by  Danielle

    I totally relate to this! 21 years of nothing then all of the sudden he is in love with my mom and wants to be a part of my life. I respect his effort, but nothing can undo the pain he caused me growing up. He is the reason I have so many problems with men and trusting that anyone will stay…

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