Comments on: I told my friends I was raped, I lied

By: shame

shame — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 22:54:30 +0000

when i was 12 a guy i had met that day convinced me to have sex with him. i came up with reasons why it was a bad idea, but ultimately let him do it so he would like me.
later, paranoid that my strict father would disown me for being a slut if i was found pregnant i lied and said i was raped.
the guy got 2 years in rehab.
i haven’t forgiven myself. at 23, i still can’t sleep because of it.
i wish i could get rid of the guilt.

By: a person with a soul

a person with a soul — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 05:37:13 +0000

fucking attention whores these days…..this isnt shit you lie about to get attention.

dumb bitch

By: Anon

Anon — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:53:13 +0000

To anyone who’s lied about being raped: go fuck yourself. I won’t go as far as to say you deserve to get raped, because no one deserves that, but there is something seriously wrong with you. I’ve lied about a lot of things in the past, I won’t deny that, but when I decided to be completely honest with my parents and tell them that I’d been raped, they didn’t believe me. They said that a lot of people lie about getting raped, and it’s a sign of attention-seeking behavior. I don’t think I can fully express the anger and frustration I felt in that moment. I’m 18 years old now, and I had kept that secret for over a decade. Coming clean was a really big deal for me, and it’s because of people like you, who lie about being raped, that my own parents didn’t believe me. So you can try to justify your actions by saying you were only looking for someone to care, or that you wanted to express the pain you were feeling, but the bottom line is that there is no fucking excuse for doing what you did. Don’t even try to find one.

By: Anon

Anon — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:49:00 +0000

I won’t go as far as to say I’d wish rape on anyone, but if you’re someone who lies about getting raped, then you can go fuck yourself. I’ve lied about a lot of things in the past, just like anyone else, but when I finally told my parents that I’d been raped, and when I was being completely honest with them for the first time, they didn’t believe me. They said I was looking for attention and that I needed to stop lying “for my own good.” If you’ve lied about being raped, then there’s a lot more wrong with you than you think, and you seriously need help. I don’t care if you just wanted someone to care or if you were looking for some way to fully express your pain. There’s absolutely no excuse for lying about something that serious.

By: jaymonigga

jaymonigga — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 09:53:49 +0000

thats fucked up homeslice. u know how many dudes have gone down or lost friends or had numerous things happen to them for some bullshit lies like this? U know the pain people have gone through that actually did get raped? What youre doing is fucked up. Get over yourself. THeres a word for that, attention wh*ring.

By: Katie

Katie — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 22:32:10 +0000

Okay, agreed, horrible thing to do, but I just want to mention a bit of information about rape statistics since someone listed some off. Statistics about rape are likely inaccurate, when the government or whomever comes up with these statistics, they have to take into account that for every reported rape there are many that go unreported. Generally they multiply by 10 because they assume that for every rape reported there are 10 that go unreported. Personally, I could be wrong, but I feel that it can’t be nearly that high, so whatever statistics you do hear be a bit skeptical of, because some percentage of that is correct, but on the other hand a large percentage of it is mere estimation. It could be true, but the facts behind these statistics are a bit sketchy.

By: lovinlifee

lovinlifee — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 22:13:39 +0000

me too.

By: innocence gone

innocence gone — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 02:19:05 +0000

My best friend told me we were going on a date. We went into the middle of the woods, he locked his car doors, and he raped me.
for a year, i told no one because I did not want to believe it. Finally, when I did tell a select few people- I thought these were people I could trust- my secret got spread around as a lie, and I was harassed because “I’m a bitch for lying.”
So people like you really need to use your god damn brain before you speak. 4 girls I graduated with in high school lied about rape- now that I actually was, no one will believe me. It’s becoming a trend. Rapists will get away with it more often because no one is going to believe anyone anymore. My rapist is free. I did not go to the police because I knew nothing would come of it. But now when I come out of work and he’s sitting in his car in front of the building, what am I supposed to do? So thank you, your lies have really fucked those of us who have gone through this shit. Dumb bitch. I would never wish what I went through on someone else, but I hope you think about this every day and know you’re hurt a lot of people and contributed to our complications in finding justice and closure.
Thanks.

By: dotdotdot

dotdotdot — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 21:28:50 +0000

I knew someone that lied about this too, and about being a vegan and being a lesbian. I remember having so much respect for her, and now I just think she is an idiot. If you just didn’t lie in the first place, we would probably be friends and I would have more faith in people.
Just be who you are damnit!

By: KMF

KMF — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 21:35:25 +0000

You’re sick. I know some lying hillbilly who did the same thing; lied because as soon as she found out she was pregnant, her boyfriend got a brain and ran for the hills. The lady I speak of is my step-mom and she’s honestly one of the worst people I’ve ever met. Schizophrenic, crazy lady; who wouldn’t run for the hills? Then my dad married her; what a mistake! Oh, it was alright for the first few years, then she came out; she showed her real side. Anyone who lies about rape, for any reason should go to jail.

By: Treva Kennedy

Treva Kennedy — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 22:38:57 +0000

Meanwhile, by lying, you’d be ruining someone’s life. It doesn’t matter if a man is not guilty or found not guilty of rape. Once he is accused of it, the reputation follows him. People will always wonder if he did it and got away with it. Please get help for your problems so more people won’t have to get help for theirs.

By: Treva Kennedy

Treva Kennedy — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 22:34:59 +0000

I’ve never lied about my life, but I can understand how sometimes you don’t know how to explain why you’re unhappy. Consider though, that if any of those things you mentioned ever did happen, you may not want to talk about it, and then instead of trying to explain your pain with a lie, you’d be trying to hide your pain with lies. There will be people who understand not having a reason for feeling depressed. Depression doesn’t have to have a reason.

By: CD

CD — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 02:46:52 +0000

What you did was horrible. I’m sorry, it was. So many people have hurt and you’re abusing their pain…

By: CD

CD — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 02:46:15 +0000

You are a brave person.

By: CD

CD — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 02:45:05 +0000

You need to tell them who it really was. If they are friends they won’t hate you.

By: flowerblade

flowerblade — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 21:38:04 +0000

Same. Except he thinks he was 3rd. However something did happen to me in my past by my older brother, I just can’t remember due to trauma, and only know something happened based off a journal I found in his room.

By: Dead Inside

Dead Inside — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 00:35:02 +0000

My first and only sexual experience was with my rapist. When I was twelve. I hate myself every single day of my life that I didn’t try harder to stop him. I wish sometimes that I was strong enough to have killed myself, just so I could stop being afraid of him coming back. I have fantasies about going to his house and telling his new wife that he is a rapist and a pedophile. I dream that the police will show up at my house, telling me that he attacked someone else, just so I can testify against him too and he’ll go to prison where he’ll experience what it’s like to be raped. Four years of therapy didn’t help and it never will. I will never have a normal relationship with a man because of what he did to me.

Next time you think about lying, think about that. You have no right to claim that this happened to you unless it did. It’s because of people like you that people don’t believe me when I tell them. It’s because of people like you that the only man I’ve ever loved since that night called me a liar and walked out on me.

By: Marie

Marie — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 00:52:11 +0000

I honestly hope with all my heart you never go through something like that again x

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By: Dillon K

Dillon K — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 14:13:26 +0000

THIS LOOKS LIKE MY FRIEND DILLON KRUMPETZ FROM GLADWIN MICHIGAN

By: Duuuur

Duuuur — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 01:40:57 +0000

why? do you not realize that shit actually happens? do you not know that some women feel so bad afterwards that they kill themselves. There are kids who spend their whole lives wondering why they were victimized. You’re a horrible person and if you don’t give up the chirade I hope it really happens so you’ll know what it’s like to be fucked in the head.

By: jackie smith

jackie smith — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 00:24:18 +0000

thats rape.

By: Confused

Confused — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 05:21:26 +0000

You’re welcome, and thank you for the statistics Jinx

By: Jinx.

Jinx. — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 12:13:46 +0000

Thank you. I’ve been waiting for someone to say that.
It’s not something to wish upon someone. Never should someone sink that low as to wish that on someone.
The comments just show how hypocritical we are.
I believe if I was to say I was raped, it would be a lie. Even if the scars say differently, I just tell myself it was a violent dream, just a dream, that the scars aren’t real, that my fear of so much is just some form of psychological disorder. But I know deep down, I was raped.

Who’s to say this person isn’t like me? It’s so likely.
1 out of 4 women are a victim of sexual assault.
If there’s 10 women that are victims, 4 of them won’t admit it because they won’t believe it.
1 out of 9 men are a victim of sexual assault.
If there’s 10 men that are victims, 9 of them won’t admit it because of embarrassment and disbelief.
So think about your group of friends and how horrible the statistics are. And most of them won’t admit it.

By: Confused

Confused — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 07:21:57 +0000

I’ve read all of the comments for this image. The one thing I can’t get myself to understand is why so many people commented on here called her a horrible person, say everyone who has done that should be raped, and so on and so forth. Yet, there are people who comment and said they had done the same thing and explained the situation some. Then someone new comes along, reads that comment, acknowledges that the situation explained is actually rape, or if it wasn’t actual rape, it was damn near close to it…How come no one has said “maybe the person who submitted the secret actually was raped but does not understand that it actually was rape.” or “maybe it wasn’t rape but was damn near close to it.” How come it has to be a psychological disorder or attention seeking behavior?

By: becca

becca — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 02:15:07 +0000

i didnt lie, but i denied it for so long it almost feels like it wasn’t real

By: Elle

Elle — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 17:02:55 +0000

Wishing rape on someone?

My fucking god. What does that make you??

By: Randi

Randi — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 06:44:44 +0000

I have told people that I have been raped and I haven’t. After a long time of guilt and trying to figure out what in the world I did it for I have come to the conclusion that I have dealt with so much pain in my life that most people can not understand and I felt a need for someone to feel bad for me and understand the level of pain I was in, and the only way in my mind for them to understand just how much pain I was in was to tell them something that they could grasp in their minds of how much pain that would have caused. I don’t think it was right looking back on it now, but it gave me what I needed at the time. I needed support and understanding of the amount of pain I was in and rape was the only think I could think of that people could relate my feelings to. But I regret it now.

By: anne

anne — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 03:55:31 +0000

I’ve never accused someone of a crime like rape and made things harder for REAL rape victims. Everybody’s done BAD things, but HER lies are what makes it so hard for REAL rape victims to get justice, or understanding, or even EMPATHY.

Totally judging her as a bad person. Having reported TWO men for rape to the police and having to relocate TWICE because nobody believed me? I can judge her as a horrible person that contributes to the further victimization of rape victims by our “justice” system.

I LOLed at this not making her a horrible person. Rapists are horrible people. People that do things like this and make people who have really gone through rape are horrible people because it is PRECISELY this kind of thing that makes NOBODY believe women who have been raped. So yeah, that qualifies her as a horrible person.

Also, how can you be “disgusted” with us judging someone? LOL HELLOZ IRONY!

By: anne

anne — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 03:47:16 +0000

I was raped by two men at different times. I reported both to the police. Both times I was alienated from many of my friends because “I don’t know what to believe” and “he seems really nice, he would never do that.” Also: “you have an agenda to lie.”

And you know what? It’s cunts like you that let my rapists get away with it, who let them move on to rape others, and who make me look like a liar so I had to completely relocate because I TOLD THE TRUTH.

Fuck you. I hope you really are raped one day, and nobody believes you.

By: jessica

jessica — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 21:39:06 +0000

i cant stand people like you. rape is a serious matter. its not something to joke or lie about. and i can almost guarantee you did this for attention. you should see a therapist. if my close friends lied about such a thing and i found out later that it wasn’t true i would have a hard time trusting that person again. you need to grow up and get help.

if you ever actually experience rape or sexual assault you will understand that this inst something you casually tell anyone.

By: loser

loser — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 22:53:48 +0000

i wasn’t raped…more like sexually assaulted. i told my best friend, but i still relive those days over in my head. there’s nothing i can do…

By: Jessy

Jessy — Wed, 05 May 2010 23:44:35 +0000

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to reply to your comment.

By: Jessy

Jessy — Wed, 05 May 2010 23:41:53 +0000

In the past year, I’ve had sex with 6 people. I didn’t like any of them. Every time, I felt completely numb while it happened. Afterwords, I felt violated and empty. Although it was most definitely consensual. So yes, I lied and told my friends I was sexually abused by one of my mother’s ex-boyfriends. Am I a horrible person for that? You tell me. But how else could I get them to understand why I feel so horrible, so dead? Especially because most of the people I had sex with, were my friends.
By the way, I’m fourteen.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 19:10:32 +0000

I had a girl lie about me raping her so she wouldn’t get in trouble for drinking at school. I got expelled for it. Lying about rape is a horrible and serious thing

By: stillhurtinginOhio

stillhurtinginOhio — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 21:14:42 +0000

I need to apologize to you I think.
I meant lying about being raped when nothing happened is fucked up. But I believe when I posted this I didn’t fully read your post. That was wrong of me.
What your Uncle did is fucked up, what you did is actually understandable.
Your mom not caring/believing/protecting is fucked up.
Me telling you that you are the reason women like me aren’t believed without fully listening to your story is fucked up.
I obviously still harbor feelings of anger for both the rape and my friends who have lied about being raped.
You were abused, sexually abused, and probably more. I am sorry. What I said shouldn’t have been towards you. It should have been towards the people I have mentioned.
It is a sad truth that people still think that its “just abuse”. Any abuse is traumatic abuse and it should be taken seriously.
My heart is with you along with my apologies.

By: Alice

Alice — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 01:53:27 +0000

I never said what i did was okay. but i still feel you are wrong.
the definition of ‘fucked up’, to me anyway, are women who lie about rape just to get kicks, ‘fucked up’ are girls in my high school being dumped by boys and wondering whether to press rape charges on him, and then being egged on by their friends. i overheard this being casually discussed in the restroom. i don’t understand how what i did could be the same? please, do explain in more detail, if you don’t mind. i’d just like to know.

you don’t need to apoligise to me about my mom, i soon realised she wasn’t good for me when she couldn’t be there for me at the lowest point in my life. i am sorry how the cops handled you after what happened, but can i ask you this? when cops doubt women who claim to have been raped, do you think it’s because of CSA victims who quietly exaggerate their stories for affection, or women who purposely tell lies, not caring who they hurt in the process? i’m not trying to justify myself or what i did, trust me, i know it was wrong. i’d just like others opinions.

i have never been sorrier about something after i told that lie, and i have never told anyone apart from my own mom that i was ‘raped’, she actually knows the truth now, not that it stirred any extra emotion. but i do wonder why, after being through almost 11yrs of CSA, i suddenly felt “just abuse” wasn’t enough?

By: Cascadia

Cascadia — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:08:58 +0000

You did technically get raped. Rape does not always involve strangers, knives or strangulation. Sometimes you have to give up to survive physically & emotionally. That’s still rape.

By: Cascadia

Cascadia — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:06:59 +0000

In reply to your comment and the others like it. It is a big deal. we are responsible for our actions no matter how many people have done the same thing.

Not everyone deserves compassion. Granted 90% or more of people deserve compassion. Hitler did not,Dr. Mengele did not etc.

The purpose of Post Secret and sites like it is to share a secret you feel the need to share. It is NOT to get support for those secrets. Expecting strangers on the internet to be compassionate for all things all the time is ignorant and naive.

While it is true this girl could have lied to cover or express some deep trauma you must also consider that she did not lie for those reasons. Some people are evil, heartless or have no empathy. Some people just lie. Some people do not care at all how that effects others.
If you want us to assume she did it as a victim we can expect you to assume she did it as a sociopath.

Final note: people judge people. It happens. We have to try to NOT judge people. Yelling at us to stop judging ends up making you look at bit judgemental…

By: Jayla

Jayla — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:40:37 +0000

I agree ^
It is fucked up. It does stop people from being able to tell the truth. It was not okay.
But it was the thing you did that was messed up, not who you are. A mistake, no matter how big, is not worth your whole life. That doesn’t help anybody.
I believe the best thing to do is fess up, accept people’s anger, move on, and try to take the past to make a better future for not only yourself, but everyone who was hurt in the process.

“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.”

By: stillhurtinginOhio

stillhurtinginOhio — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:40:31 +0000

The Sociopath part came out wrong, I believe SHE is one. I re-read your post and saw that I missed you saying anxiety & bi-polar disorder. My family and I know those too well.
You did a good thing today by posting this.

By: Jayla

Jayla — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:26:40 +0000

There is no need to thank me.
Thank you for being a person trying to forgive.
I will say I am sorry, and I’m not a sociopath, because I do know how disgusting and wrong what I did was. I regret it every single day and even if I do forgive myself by some magical happening, that doesn’t mean I will not be sorry or stop continuing to apologize and do whatever I can for the people whom I’ve hurt.
And for everyone on here who is mad and can not forgive-I don’t understand what you’re going through, but I do understand your rights to be furious. I only hope that all of you get everything you deserve and more.
I am 100% completely, truly, and honestly sorry and I will never think that fixes thing nor will I ever stop being sorry.

By: stillhurtinginOhio

stillhurtinginOhio — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:03:51 +0000

maybe, but its true.
until you have been used and violated in that way you do not know. Rape victims..no survivors are not treated with sympathy. We do not get the compassion you desire. We are treated like diseased people, pariahs, people that others can’t talk to. Until you are in our shoes you do not know this pain.

By: stillhurtinginOhio

stillhurtinginOhio — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:01:06 +0000

No, we’ll focus it here. And it IS fucked up. No matter what love you needed it is FUCKED UP to lie about being raped. You ARE the reason people do not believe women.
I am sorry your mom was a bad person but that didn’t help me when I was pleading to the detectives to believe me, to believe I was raped.
It is FUCKED UP and it is NOT OKAY.

By: stillhurtinginOhio

stillhurtinginOhio — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 22:55:37 +0000

Thank you for posting this.
I was the best friend of a girl who did the same thing.
In 7th grade she lied about being stalked, then harassed, then raped, then raped repeatedly for a year, then she claimed to be pregnant, then she miscarried. We never told anyone.
Being only 12 I didn’t see that she was lying. I protected her and devoted myself to her and wept everyday for her pain.
Our senior year she “found Jesus” and told me it was all a lie. I was so shocked I said, “okay”. She thought after saying, “it was I lie and I’m sorry” just once, only once, that it would be enough. It wasn’t.

Since that time I have been stalked, harassed and raped, more than once. I don’t think she ever has had any of those experiences.
Nearly 20 years later I’m still struggling with forgiving her.
I realize the betrayal has made it difficult for me to trust women and have never had a friendship that close since. I hope the experience didn’t make me susceptible to being raped..but who knows? It may have.

It means a lot that you would own up to this and admit you are struggling with your own forgiveness.
I wish I could hear it from her. I feel like I need that. But I know I’ll never get it.
Maybe by you being brave enough to post I can find my own peace.

It is a betrayal on a level so deep there are not words to describe the pain it causes. I am forever changed by loving her as my best friend.
Please express again and again how sorry you are to the ones you lied to. We need to hear it.

Thank you for being honest. My hatred for people like you has been dulled by your bravery and honesty. I know lies come from places we don’t understand and it doesn’t mean your bad, but it could mean you are a sociopath and without true empathy. I hope not.
I will pretend you are her and hope someday I can forgive her so I can forgive myself for believing her.

Thank you.

By: Jayla

Jayla — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:21:19 +0000

All the posts on here made me decide to tell my story.

I lied about being raped. I even said I thought I was pregnant. I still am not completely sure why I did it. My life is not exactly “easy”, but I know that is no excuse. I have dealt with some sexual harassment and at times wonder if I hide things from myself. Although, I know I don’t. I told my best friend, somebody who I trusted. When he responded with positive attention towards me, I told a few others. Eventually, the whole thing blew up and my friend told the counselor. I then tried to tell the truth to the counselor and my friend, but they didn’t believe me. The office was told and the police were called. A report was filed, even though I said I didn’t do it.

I lost all my friends, had to change schools, developed an eating disorder, and I know it was all karma. I deserved it.

I later went to a therapist, told my mom, was diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, and bipolar disorder. I was told this could have even been a “manic moment.”

To all who I know I hurt, to all rape victims, I am truly sorry. I cannot even imagine the pain you go through every day. I cannot imagine what it is like to read posts like these. I never meant to hurt you, although I know I did. I apologize and admire you for being such strong women and dealing with this every day. I wish I had never said it, and I cannot express in words the guilt I feel. All I can say is how sorry I am.

However, I do want to say-to any girl that has ever been in a similar situation-what you did was bad, but you are not bad. There are people out there who made the same mistake as you and you still have a chance to CHANGE. Seek help, tell the truth, and forgive yourself. Please, you deserve to change and be forgiven. Everybody does. Apologize if you can. Turn this into your past, help yourself, and then go out and help others.

I am trying to forgive myself, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to. No matter how much I apologize, I still cannot come to terms with what I did. I can forgive almost anyone, find the good in EVERYONE else, but I cannot forgive myself. This is the first time I have ever actually written this all out.

I know that is a lot of writing, but getting it out feels good. I hope that maybe this will help somebody dealing with guilt like this. And of course, I hope victims of rape know how sorry I as well as others (I am sure) are. Deeply sorry. I wish everyone happiness, love, and health.

By: Alice

Alice — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:23:03 +0000

I was raped when I was 6 on a couple of different occasions by my uncle when I was 6 and 7. I told my parents but my story kept changing due to the multiple incidences. Once they told me I was a liar I completely blocked it out of my life and my memory. 9 years later at age 16 I finally remembered and now if anyone other then my parents know in my family…they will all fall apart due to the fact that it’s a stepuncle stepparent situation. Everytime I am over there I feel like all I am is one lie. My parents finally believe me, “with doubt.” And when I tell anyone else they act as if I never said anything…or treat me completely differently. I feel like an outcast.

By: toughgirl

toughgirl — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 06:31:44 +0000

I am not judging you or anyone else.
All I can say, being a victim of rape (several times) myself, which in turn sent me on a downward spiral of drug addiction, eatting disorders, self harm, a completele total numb fucking mess for years.. after all that suffering, I can proudly say I’m 19, almost 20 now.. still alive, stronger and happier than ever with 6 months sobriety tomorrow. I live with no regrets and do my best to practice total honesty.
I truely feel sorry for you.

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 06:04:19 +0000

Oosha,

No, you were not a sick person…I was suggesting that someone may be sick if they have not experienced any similar type of abuse, yet they say this solely in an attempt to seek care from others. Or those who really hope for this sort of humiliation and pain and don’t even know why (I am not talking about “rape fantasies”, which are fairly common and are NOT about REAL rape, but simply a fantasy of voluntary submission of control to a partner, since the person is in total control of the fantasy)…Also, when I say “sick”, I meant people with a mental illness…not that they are somehow amoral, dangerous individuals…only that they are suffering and in need of treatment, just as someone with a physical illness.

I am sorry that you suffered the abuse from your uncle, and that your mother responded this way….Not that this makes it any less painful for you, but as you probably have realized by now, she responded this way not because you are truly not entitled to your feelings and your healing process. She likely said this because she couldn’t face the reality of the horror that you, her daughter, experienced. Especially if it was her brother who was the abuser. As a mother, I know that I would gladly suffer anything a hundred times over if it would mean sparing my son from suffering it…She was probably also feeling incredibly guilty…recognizing that (whether or not it was possible for her to do this) she didn’t protect you from this. I’m so glad that you can now validate your own experiences and feelings as a part of your journey.

Sometimes we make really bad decisions when we are in pain…especially as children or teenagers. I have found it helpful to try to take my experiences and feelings for how they affect my life rather than comparing them to those of others or what they “should” be…pain is pain, and we all just need to try to deal with our own “crosses to bear” the best we can. You are all survivors, and I wish you peace and joy.

By: Oosha

Oosha — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 20:50:35 +0000

Thank you so much Mary.
For years, my uncle molested and abused me. Then, few years ago, he attempted to rape me. After this happened, I went to my mother and told her. She told me I should get over it because I hadn’t been raped, and so what happened to me ‘wasn’t that bad.’ These words she spoke to me hurt so much I can’t even begin to explain. Days later, a friend noticed something was wrong and I was about to tell her the truth when I suddenly heard my mother’s words in my head, and told her ‘I was raped.’ I wasn’t and I lied about that. But I was not a sick person. I was a 17 year old child looking for the sympathy I should have been getting at home, for someone to understand the overwhelming pain I was left to deal with by myself. I never said those words to anyone after that instance, and now I can tell people what happened to me without feeling I should exaggerate in order to justify what I’m feeling. But the poster of the secret could have been me, it really could have been.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 20:35:32 +0000

I am so sorry for all of you who have suffered rape and sexual violation…I am one of you. However, I’d like to point something out here….Why have most of us (whether we wrote about it or not) reacted with such revulsion to this secret? It’s because it brings us back to the pain of something we’ve experienced. In this fashion, WORDS HURT. However, how are others any better people than someone who lied to her friends about such a grevious matter when they are using THEIR words to call this girl horrible. None of you are horrible.

The only way that someone could lie about having been raped is if he or she does not truly understand the devastating effects of rape and the possible ramifications of such a lie. Or, if he or she is mentally ill. Similarly, if someone wishes for hardships such as these, it is only due to a lack of understanding of the suffering they bring. These people are experiencing emotional pain (probably either due to an issue that they don’t consider “acceptable” OR due to a chemical imbalance in their brains), and they are looking for compassion from both others AND themselves…These people probably have been tormenting themselves with the following question: “Why do I feel so badly when I have not experienced the suffering that others have experienced?”. These people are not minimizing the horrible suffering that you have been through….They likely have great respect for you as survivors of something they could not even imagine. They simply are trying to come to terms with their own suffering. Nobody TRULY wishes for the reality of being raped unless they are seriously mentally ill. So clearly, these people just don’t understand what experiencing rape is really like. It’s like a child saying that they wish that they were sick when they see the compassion and understanding received by those who are. This does not make the child a bad person…just wishing for compassion and love within a context about which they are ignorant. Clearly, this girl did not feel as though she was able to get sufficient acknowledgement and affection from her friends unless she told this lie…this is indicative of not a bad person, but a sick person who could not have really grasped what she is saying.

My heart overflows with compassion for all of you….we are all struggling to make it through this world however we can. Hang in there.

By: Jess

Jess — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:18:46 +0000

Well said.

I’m surprised at all the judgmental and ridiculously rude people on this board too.

By: jane

jane — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:11:57 +0000

I agree with ^ post. If you judge this girl you are most definitely a hypocrite yourself because you have without a doubt done stuff in life that qualifies you as a “HORRIBLE” person as well.

It disgusts me that you are so rude to someone who is sharing their secret.

By: navee

navee — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:09:38 +0000

you people have no compassion. she might have had her reasons. even though it was wrong.

By: ashley

ashley — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:10:10 +0000

saying yes when you mean no is like raping yourself.

By: You'll never know the pain.

You'll never know the pain. — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 02:30:20 +0000

You’ll never know the true pain of your actions. The pain that happens to people who were actually raped and no one believes them. I’m 16, raped when I was 12. 5 people know, 3 of my best friends, my boyfriend, and my ex-boyfriend. My ex is the only one who actually cares. I only told him because it was the true reason I broke up with him… I was afraid of a repeat. Because of my actions, I live in fear. Because of your actions, I live without understanding. Thank you.

By: Caden

Caden — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 10:23:08 +0000

For attention? not judging at all believe me, but there are better ways. If you focus you’re attention on making up drama, people will get fed up with it and leave you and then you’re just left with a mess of lies you’ve created. think about it.

By: K

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:11:07 +0000

About a year ago my friend and i “seduced” a guy we knew into having a threesome.
things started between her and i, but he was only interested in me…
so she bailed and left me there.
i felt like i HAD to finish, to go through with it, because it was our idea.
i remember him saying “let’s get this party started”
i hear it again and again and i HATE myself for not saying no.
i didn’t vocalize that i didn’t want to do it, but i didn’t.
i wish i had said no.
i feel like this IS my fault and i AM dirty because i should have said no.
i wish i told him no. every day i wish i said no.
now i look back and hate myself for that night.
i know this isn’t “rape” but i feel so violated and i let it happen.

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:28:06 +0000

Probably to gain attention and comfort. So that her friends will feel bad for her

By: heartless

heartless — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:52:54 +0000

I’ll be honest, I lied about being raped too. When I lied, I was very young(8), I didnt even fully understand what rape was. I lied for attention, because I left like noone looked at me, like noone could see me. I’ve hated that i lied about it my whole life, but never had the courage to tell anyone that i told this lie, that it was infact a lie.

By: mary

mary — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 07:46:41 +0000

it breaks my heart to read your comment about how you could have done more to stop him. No one should ever feel pressured into performing act within which they are not cofortable. If you say no, it means no; not please keep trying to talk me into having sex. This is why so many rapes go unreported because the victims say “its partially my fault i could have done more to stop him”. I would never say that you lied about being raped. I was raped by an ex-boyfriend when i was in college and for a very long time i felt like it was my fault. What ever her reasons for tellling her friends she was raped, i only hope that they were there for her and didn’t judge.

By: cascadia

cascadia — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:28:16 +0000

Thank you. I thought it was as well.

By: CL

CL — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:54:53 +0000

What a heartless question.

By: H

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 23:36:25 +0000

I feel like a liar every time I say it, because at the time I wanted it. I wanted it because I felt like he was the only person who truly loved me, and I would have done anything to make him happy.

But I was eight years old. He should not have asked.

By: Jaese

Jaese — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:48:52 +0000

You don’t know her life.

I did the same thing, I told everyone that I was raped even though I didn’t think I had been.

I had all the symptoms, all the fears of men, the dirty, whorey feelings, and, ironically, the hypersexuality that comes with being a rape victim.

In therapy, three years later, I found out through intensive therapy what my father used to do to me when he got home from work, on a daily basis, when i was little.

So all of you self-righteous pricks need to shut up. You have no idea whats going on in her life. Stop being a douche and clean up your own life before judging, in an anonymous and cowardly fashion, i may add,someone elses life.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 07:33:49 +0000

Honey, u didn’t lie…u can NOT give consent if u r passed out. It WAS rape and u should not blame urself because some asshole took advantage of you and u r trying to reach out the only way u know how. I can tell u from experience that rape never “goes away” but there will hopefully come a time in ur life when u r able to realize that some ppl ARE worthy of ur trust. STAY STRONG!

By: vampinjakitty

vampinjakitty — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 10:38:43 +0000

If you don’t mind me asking, who was the real person that raped you to your friends? And why would they hate you?

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 08:29:48 +0000

I told my friends it was rape, I still dont know if it was. it was my first experience with alcohol, i was passed out from it he was my ex who i’d been promising to sleep with the entire time of our relationship but i was underage. It was my own fault but telling my friends it was rape, or rather implying helps me deal with it. I still think about it everyday, it haunts me.

By: cj

cj — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 23:48:11 +0000

I did the same thing. I know it’s horrible and I’m sitting here trying to explain why I did it and why you might have, but there’s really no reason other than attention that I can convince myself is true. I was pressured into having sex, I told him I didn’t really want to and he still did anyway. I could’ve done more to stop him but I didn’t. So it’s partially my fault. But I felt absolutely miserable and violated and disgusted afterwards and told my friends that he raped me so they could help me get through it. I didn’t technically get raped but based on how i felt after, it sure as hell felt like it.

By: alice

alice — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:42:46 +0000

i’m sorry but that is complete bullshit, sage.
if you say yes, but didn’t want it really, it’s still rape? saying yes is clear confirmation of consent, and that makes it consenusal sex, the complete opposite of rape.
there are gray areas yes, when women consent under duress or under threat, but your theory is just plain stupid.
i am a rape/abuse survivor myself, and i’m all for women’s rights but how the hell are men supposed to know if we really want sex or not if all of us take this approach?

By: Sage

Sage — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:44:17 +0000

Even if you say yes, if you didnt want it it was rape.

By: lani

lani — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 07:38:10 +0000

totally agree with natasha

By: Natasha

Natasha — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:23:17 +0000

Boo fucking hoo. All of you people, just get over it.
This is someone’s confession, I’m sure you’ve all had one too.
What right do you have to judge someone for thoughts that you’ve all probably had yourself?
I’m sure at least one of you have thought about making something up either because of a need for attention or to spite someone.
It’s not a big fucking deal, you don’t even know this person.
So don’t try to sum them up based on one sentence.
All I have to say is, fuck you people.
Fuck you sincerely.

By: dido.

dido. — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 02:08:27 +0000

Yeah.. I’ve done it too.
It sucks. My friend told the school counselor… which lead to a police report, even though I denied it. She said she still had to file it because I may have backed down because I’m scared.

Every time the phone rings I think it’s the police wanting to investigate.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 00:11:06 +0000

I understand, kinda. I was sexually assaulted/harassed for years as a child but didn’t know how to tell anyone, or how much it affected me, or how wrong it really was. I still feel stupid telling anyone and I berate myself for not just getting over it, after all, I wasn’t raped.
Sometimes I too think had I been raped I wouldn’t feel so dumb for being upset about what happened to me; I also feel like I would have realized that what was going on was wrong, though I’m not sure I would have told anyone anyways.
Some of my friends do assume I was raped when I tell them, but I always correct them. It’s just a habit; I still don’t want it to be a big deal, but if they think I was raped they would make a big deal of it. I have had to explain a million times the difference between different types of sexual abuse.

By: heatherer

heatherer — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 06:08:22 +0000

MCPLLEUHS
What you said is complete shit. Yeah, I agree that it would be unfair to judge someone else’s reaction to a situation that we both went through, but that’s not what anyone here was talking about.

Chellie was judging them for LYING about having gone through a situation. They LIED about being raped, an experience Chellie faced, and so she judged them. And she damn well deserves to!

And I have to say that you’re lying too. Statutory rape is not at all the same thing as being raped. Statutory rape means you consented, whether or not it was smart for you to do it, you agreed to have sex. So yeah, saying you were raped has a bigger impact than saying you were stupid and had sex too young, but it’s all a big fucking lie.

By: MCPLLEUHS

MCPLLEUHS — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 18:40:51 +0000

Everyone is effected by things differently. For some people their parents divorce is the downfall of their life but for others they aren’t scarred by divorce. It is unfair to judge someone based on what has happened to you and how you responded to it. I was “raped” (statutory rape) but I only say I was raped because it destroyed a lot of my life and I feel like if I told people it was only statutory rape they wouldn’t understand how it has effected me so much.

By: understand

understand — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:36:10 +0000

i did the same thing because i was scared and i loved the guy and he convinced me into doin it when i wasnt ready. but i still said ok even tho i meant to say know i broke up with him after and went through serious depression and told every one he raped me, it pretty much ruined his life which hurt me even more

By: qwerty

qwerty — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:52:55 +0000

There is a quote that I really like that says “Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.”

I’ve suffered. I had a miserable abusive childhood, which led into years of depression, before I was finally able to find my own happiness.

I used to really hate people who wished bad things would happen to them, I always felt like they wanted it for attention. More than that I hated them because they always led the kind of lives that I would die for. I’ve changed my mind about these people though.
I think that everything in life needs balance. People that have never had to truly deal with evil or tragedy before just don’t understand how hard it is to face. And though I would never wish anything bad on another person, I think that this lack of something major is what causes privileged people to wish bad things, to lie about bad things, or to suffer unnecessarily; they feel like they are lacking and they don’t understand it, because who would rationally want something bad to happen?

It took me a long time to come to terms with my past, and move on. It took even longer for me to find happiness. When I did I realized it was because I was expecting it to just fall into my lap once I was done hating my life. I forgot that happiness needs to be encouraged, it takes effort to start feeling it. Once it’s there though, and you remember how to truly appreciate it, it’s pretty hard to derail.

By: heathermichelle

heathermichelle — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:12:54 +0000

I’m very sorry for your pain Chellie. No one should have to go through that. I sincerely wish for your happiness.

But I understand what the others are saying. I’ve never been raped or beaten, my parents have been happily married for 26 years, I attend church services with people I love, I have some great friends…life should be good, right?

Then why am I a cutter? Why do I get so depressed? I know there are many people who have dealt with so much worse and I feel like such a…poser, I guess. It’s not that I want something terrible to happen to me, but if it had, then I’d at least have a REASON for being so miserable sometimes.

It’s hard, when someone asks you what’s wrong, to only be able to reply, “I don’t know.”

By: megan

megan — Thu, 21 May 2009 00:01:03 +0000

Thank you

By: Mistake

Mistake — Wed, 20 May 2009 23:54:50 +0000

STOP IT! How dare you judge her? This is about sharing your secrets. Go ahead, judge me. I told the same thing to my boyfriend. I needed a reason for the hurt I felt. I needed an excuse for hurting myself, attempted suicide, drug use, depression, my drinking problem. Instead of admitting that it was all in my head, and that it was all my fault, I needed something real. I needed to offset the blame… happens all the time. You are lying if you say it doesn’t. So I created something that fit. It was a mistake, and it was wrong, and I apologize to the people that have been hurt reading this, but you never know the reason behind the reason people do things.

By: wanderlust

wanderlust — Wed, 20 May 2009 21:19:46 +0000

my brothers best friend once forced me into doing thinsg with him, but not full on sex. he threatened me, and things of the sorts. is that rape? i dont know, becuase it wasn’t full on. it scared the hell uot of me, and when i do things with other guys, i can’t help but see his evil, twisted face.

By: Friend

Friend — Tue, 19 May 2009 11:42:07 +0000

What this person did isn’t right but Post secret is about being able to share your most personal thoughts, fears and regrets without judgement from others. Keep your opinions to yourselves, you don’t know her circumstances and you have no right to judge. I know exactly how it feels to be raped and if somebody wants people to think she is in that much pain then she must be going through a considerable amount of distress herself. She hasn’t hurt anybody, take your anger out on the law that lets rapists roam our streets or the rapists themselves not a girl crying out for help. There’s a difference between attention seeking and trying to get people to notice your own suffering, people do crazy things when they feel helpless and alone, it doesn’t make somebody shallow or an idiot!!! Every critic here will have done something they truly regret and if they had the balls to send it in would be criticised for. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion but theres no need whatsoever to be so hurtful about it.

By: RoyalAutumn

RoyalAutumn — Tue, 19 May 2009 09:52:06 +0000

How can you lie about getting raped? What do you want from that? Have you thought of what other peoples who actually got raped feels? If you don’t then you might be some idiotic who wants atention with the wrong methods! You can’t just play with the word rape like its nothing wrong. How shallow are you?!

By: Magenta

Magenta — Mon, 18 May 2009 23:12:17 +0000

I agree with this 100%. Lying about rape is not a good thing to do, but we have no idea of her reasons and motivations behind it, and she deserves to be shown compassion, just as all human beings deserve. Sometimes I feel like when people comment here they forget that there’s an actual person behind the secret who could be really hurt by all the comments.

By: Friend

Friend — Mon, 18 May 2009 13:47:13 +0000

Can’t you see that this girl, for whatever reason is in so much pain she feels the need to do that? Even if she wasn’t raped she is still hurting and obviously feels enough remorse about it to share it on post secret. but hey, don’t worry i’m sure all your judgemental and nasty comments have made her feel so much better. For somebody to do that they must already need help, comments like this are enough to drive somebody that confused to suicide. I was in a relationship for years as a teenager, raped and beaten repeatedly, the man forbid me from seeing my own mother who was so ill she eventually hung herself. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. I’ve been to hell and back and I still have the ability to remain compassionate to somebody who is clearly crying out for someone to notice her pain. Your NOT a horrible person, you need to talk to somebody and work out why you did that, what you gained from it emotionally and you need to get some help. You haven’t hurt anybody and even good people can do bad things sometimes, it doesn’t make YOU bad.

By: matteroftrust

matteroftrust — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:52:18 +0000

Liars like you take away from the reality and trauma of the situation. Every time I hear something like this I find it harder to believe people who say they’ve been raped, and I hate myself a little for that.

By: piggymonkey

piggymonkey — Tue, 12 May 2009 04:43:17 +0000

When I was 15 I had sex with a man who was 20. I was completely willing and was in no way forced into it. 100% my idea. Full consent. Does that still make it statutory rape? I’m 19 now, perfectly healthy, deans list, great boyfriend, the whole deal, and I still do not see anything wrong with what happened. He was honestly a good person.

By: eskimo

eskimo — Fri, 08 May 2009 09:52:00 +0000

My ex told me that she was raped. She lied. She lied because she needed a good reason to explain why she cut her “parts” with a razor blade. The guy that discovered that she cut herself was the guy that she claimed was the rapist.

By: K

Sat, 02 May 2009 20:28:08 +0000

I did it too.

By: KelseyJo1

KelseyJo1 — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:14:02 +0000

Rape is not something to EVER!!!!! lie, joke, kid around with i mean god are you stupid? insane? Sick i mean wow i am glad i am not like you at all i mean lie about some thing that actually is stupid?

By: nzfu

nzfu — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 06:51:11 +0000

i was raped by my former friend about a year ago. i’m in the process of pressing charges and going through counseling. knowing that that disgusting motherfucker took advantage of me hurts me every day. but i have to say that the complete lack of support i have received from my “friends” throughout all of this hurts infinitely more. this has been the worst year of my life.
the fact that people would lie about such a thing happening to them is obviously infuriating, however i can only say that they simply must not comprehend the damage that they are doing. these women cannot all be such vile human beings as to understand how much they are hurting other women, and understand on any level what it is like to try to live through a rape, and continue to lie anyway. all of us that have been here know how much it hurts, how your life is turned upside down in the blink of an eye, but i can’t say i would have truly understood until the day it happened to me.
that being said, i do not in any way mean to imply that those who lie about it should just be forgiven and forgotten. i just want to plead with every girl or woman or anyone who is ever inclined to lie about being raped, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t do it. that is what makes our culture so skeptical and non-supportive of women who have been raped. and it reinforces the idea in our minds that we shouldn’t talk about it, that it’s not a big deal, that it was probably our fault. that is what ruins people.

By: Me

Me — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 05:56:08 +0000

When I was 7 years old I was adopted. I liked my new family until I was 9 years old my and my dad raped me. I never told anyone about it until now. I’m 16 years old now and can’t wait to move out and go to college so I don’t have to worry about being home alone with him anymore. Unfortunately I’ll never forget about it. Rape is serious and should never be lied about.

By: Hayley

Hayley — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 08:07:13 +0000

i think i have every right to say that you are a horrible person. lying about being raped is serious. lying about stuff like that can ruin people’s lives. i was raped over and over again for 13 years by the man i called dad. thats not something you lie about. i can judge you for that.

By: Nikole'

Nikole' — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 03:31:53 +0000

well, i pretty much did the same thing today, lied to my bestfriend about being raped, when really i was only molested (& im not saying that molestation isnt bad too, so dont kill me for saying “only” lol). it was by my cousin, not some random guy at a party like i told her. as much as you wanna skate around this lie & move on, you can’t. no matter what, you’ll still have that uneasy feeling about your lie. somehow, you have to tell her the TRUTH! if she no longer wants to be ur best friend (which i kno hurts like hell), then u should accept that bcus u hurt her & she has a right to be angry with you…

By: Alice

Alice — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:52:54 +0000

no, its not fucked up and i’m not the reason you are afraid to tell.
although i sympathize with what you’re saying, i was a 15 year old girl, who was terrified and traumatized, who wanted just a little bit of sympathy from her own mother. yes, it was wrong for me to lie to her, but i had been a victim for years.

you have no right to tell me that i’m the “people” that stop you from telling. those “people” are the ones who have bad sex and regret it or who balantly lie about this stuff. they restrict me from telling my story as much as they restrict you.

go focus your anger somewhere else.

By: none_of_your_business_who_i_am

none_of_your_business_who_i_am — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:58:14 +0000

thats fucked up but idk maybe you had a reason… but keep in mind that people like you are the reason people like me are scared to tell

By: Alice

Alice — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:00:05 +0000

this secret does offend me, but i can see myself it there a little.
i had been abused by members of my family for years, and last summer it went further than ever before. i knew my uncle wanted to rape me as he whispered it in my ear. the only reason it never reached penile penetration was because his girlfriend walked in.
even after years of abuse, that was the most traumatic event i have ever experienced, and when it came to tell and to report it to the police it was described as attempted rape, something i was completely fine with. my problem only began when my mum refused to acknowledge that anything bad had happened. i told her i was raped, hoping to stir some emotion, but she was still very apathetic.
i’ve always felt like i have been raped – the sexual abuse and assaults are still grave violations of the self on the lowest level, but i felt like i wasn’t only lying to her, but i was lying to myself. i’m now moving on, and although i still worry about people’s reactions when i say it was “only” attempted rape, i am learning to slowly deal.

i don’t judge this girl. yes i am hurt that she lies about something as sensitive as this, but then so did i. we don’t know her story.

By: sarah

sarah — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 19:08:12 +0000

4 yrs ago (i was 14) a family friend molested me. i told my friend b/c i didn’t know what to do and she turned everybody i knew against me. that was one of the worst years of my life. the saddest part is he didn’t rape me. that sounds horrible but if he had, there would have been enough evidence to convict him, and he’d probably be in jail now. i don’t think i was the first to be sexually abused by him. i try to convince myself that i’ve forgiven him but anytime i see or hear about sexual abuse or something that reminds me of that night, i realize how much i truly hate him and really haven’t forgiven him. i tell friends that i was sexually abused… not specifics b/c i don’t think they’d take me seriously if they knew. some assume i was raped and i don’t correct them, sorry if that offends you. i’m not sure if its because i wish i was so he’d be punished or if i sincerely wonder if he did b/c i don’t remember parts of the night it happened, or if i’m really just a screwed up person. i’m thinking about making a postsecret about that night and sending him a copy of it. i wonder if he realizes or cares bout what he did and how many other girls he’s hurt. i know revenge isn’t the way to fix things but i really want him to feel guilty for what he did b/c i feel guilty for being so shocked and not having the courage to stop him.